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When a place has a name like Palm Bay, one thinks of beautiful palm trees blowing gently in the hot tropical breeze while sipping on a cold glass of sugary sweet iced tea. You get the sensation of a feel food kind of place that is everything a crowded inner city and all of its woes are not. But times have surely changed and names can be quite deceiving…….

So it’s truly a a damn shame when the times get so rough that a feel good story is a tale of a “suspected” burglar gets what’s coming to him when he attempts to carry out a home invasion.

But it really was a joy to see someone get their just due and it served him right!

The incident I am speaking about is the one that I ran across yesterday on FloridaToday.com that happened recently in Palm Bay Florida when one Michael Maxwell, along with several other individuals, stormed into a home at approximately 1 a.m. on Wednesday, May 15th with the intent of going through with a home invasion at the 700 block of Monterey Drive.

They arrived in a 2004 Gold Chevy Malibu and after breaking into the home with a firearm to probably rob and kill the residents who lived there, were greeted with a big surprise when the residents fought back, beating their asses, kicking and punching them repeatedly as well as Tasing them until the police arrived!

Ain’t that a beautiful thing?

Michael Maxwell Palm Bay

 

I know the feeling because just a few short years ago, three individuals attempted to do the same thing in MY HOUSE while I was there but they thought they were slick because they had come to my home several times before asking for someone as though I was stupid enough to think that they weren’t casing the joint. While I won’t reveal all of the details, I’ll just say it was an inside job and those who were so determined to get inside already knew what they were coming for and didn’t realize how close they came to dying that day.

As they pounced on my front door for what seemed like an eternity, I already called the police knowing that by the time they arrived to my residence that there would be three dead bodies awaiting them and a ton of publicity for my website as the media paparazzi arrived. But as they knocked on every window so hard around my house to make sure that no one was home, they got the courage to break into my screened in porch to go after entering through my locked sliding glass doors.

With my gun in hand I was in the perfect position to place one between the eyes but realized that I wanted to beat their asses the old fashioned way. So I walked over to the wash room to put on my work boots because socks on ceramic floor tile doesn’t work to get that maximum footing when in physical combat. Call it ego or an attempt to fight back a midlife crisis but I wanted them in the worst way the old fashioned way.

But lo and behold the free publicity for LanceScurv.com was banished in a twinkling of an eye when one of them notice the vertical blinds moving slightly due to my passing it by and creating a breeze.

So off they ran into a waiting getaway small pickup truck only to be apprehended by seven unmarked police cars and paraded in front of me like freshly caught bass on a good fishing day! What surprised me was that they all knew my name and my wife’s name and so much about us telling me while handcuffed that they were only “checking up” on us to make sure that we were okay! What a stupid ass lie! Checking on us? Little Negro we don’t even KNOW YOU! But this is what happens when you have bad assed step kids who think that they will levy some kind of revenge on a now strict household by having the amenities in the home stolen and sold for the cash that they were just too lazy to work for!

That’s all I will say and it was such a great feeling to beat some dumb ass wanna-bee thugs and thugettes who probably at the time still had to ask “Mommy” for some ice cream money every time the ice cream truck rolled through the neighborhood! Damn. I wonder how it felt to experience jail as a cheap substitute for summer camp?

But they barely got away with their lives as I do not play with the privacy, respect and comfort of my own home to which I’ve worked so hard for to maintain with my Wife. I don’t care WHO you are, if you roll up in there like you own the place unexpectedly then there is no questions asked and I would expect everyone reading this to feel the same way.

These people aren’t dumb and they know that usually if someone resists then they are prepared to take them out. So what do you think? You think I’m going to allow them to “Bogart” me in my own crib? NO! I’m going to take care of business and ask the funeral director for a cut of the business that I just sent his way. These damn demons have many scared in their on homes and are running crazy with this home invasion thing which happens to be BIG in Central Florida.

Well my upbringing is not from here and in New York City where I am from there are just certain things that you JUST DON’T DO!

So I think that it’s a cause for celebration to see the beautiful artistry painted in blood on the face and body of one Michael Maxwell and friends who decided to gain some quick money from the sale of the stolen goods that they would receive in a foiled home invasion attempt.

Michael Maxwell Palm Bay Profile Shot

But always be aware of WHO you bring into your home and what they see of allowed in. As far as I’m concerned, NO ONE enters my home without my knowledge or permission and the same goes for me needing the good graces of my Wife to do the same. We have worked too hard to merely allow someone to stroll up in here to treat my home like a free giveaway shopping spree especially when they are able bodied to go out there and work for what they want just the same way that I do for the things that I so desire!

Whatever happened to having a good work ethic? The funny thing with Mr. Michael Maxwell is that he claimed to be a Tattoo artist by trade, well in a surreal twist of fate he will now be able to ply his trade under the radar while he’s locked up and will do it for free!

But judging by the newly acquired fullness of his busted up lips, he just might get a few offers after sundown to offer cum-fort to his lonely fellow inmates who will probably use him in the worst way imaginable! I hope his knee burns aren’t too severe!

Peace & Righteous Love Always,

Your Sometimes Comedic Brother,

LanceScurv 407.590.0755

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