After All The Embarrassing Drama You’ve Endured In This Lifetime, When Will You Allow God To Choose Your Mate?

You can go on and choose a mate if you want to on your own, but you will do so at your own risk! I sincerely believe after going through so much personal drama in relationships that there is only ONE person created for you by God Himself!

Scratch that, I don’t believe it, I KNOW IT! Yes! I said it! Now I am completely prepared to deal with being bombarded by e-mail that is chock full of stale attitudes and confrontation (I’m used to it by now!) gestures, but if you honestly look back on your life after reading this blog of mine then maybe you will agree.

Just keep an opened mind toward what I have to say because this is a VERY touchy issue!

No matter what we choose to do with our own free will, the divine laws of our Creator are never changed, are never comprised and never negotiated depending on any situation to “bend” them a bit for accommodation “because the Lord knows you are basically a good person and will give you a pass to get over the hump” after running through half of the women in the church.


It doesn’t work like that no matter who you are! It’s either/or, no gray area or curve, just plain black and white. His laws are very simple, telling you what you CAN do as opposed what you CAN’T do!

Now once you understand the rules, He won’t stop you with your “free will” havin’ self from being disobedient and learning a lesson the hard way. Just don’t blame HIM for what your rebellion brought you!


As much as one may try, you just cannot use diesel truck fuel in a sports car that requires premium gas! You cannot take heart medicine to quell a flatulent stomach. You CAN’T smoke crack and expect to get a good night’s sleep!

So with certain people on this earth, you just can’t FORCE your energies together and expect to have the perfect relationship!

The perfect relationship?

Heck no! That does not exist! Hell! How can one have a perfect relationship when you spend have of your lives trying to find out who YOU are? If you don’t even know yourself and YOU are imperfect and unfinished then HOW can you be a part of a perfect relationship?

Stop trying to overlook the obvious and submit to divine law and allow that ONE designated by the One who MADE you to come into your life!

God made you, therefore He knows whats best FOR you! Remember when you  were a little baby? You had little baby desires that had absolutely NO wisdom behind it. Therefore, you couldn’t have chosen your meals or made decisions that were crucial to your development because you didn’t have the MIND of your parents/guardians to make those all important choices!

Well guess what? You, in your foolish “earthly” infancy, can’t make the decisions that would be necessary for a smooth life because if you look back you have been catching so much hell because YOU figured that you can go ahead on what YOU want and leave God out of the equation!  This is why you have caught so many scars in this life and have never
considered Gods law into WHAT you are doing, because you have been so far away from home that you have forgotten the way back!

Out in the world, leaping from one unsatisfying relationship to another, dropping a piece of your soul here and there just the way men drop a little sperm here and there and have offspring just about everywhere they go! And you KNOW what I’m talking about is REAL!

We have got to untangle the madness that we possess in our minds and straighten ourselves out before we can even be presentable to God to ask Him for a mate in our lives? Did you hear me? I said that we have to be presentable to our God first!

Now how many of US even do that? How many of us even INQUIRE to our Lord if we are worthy of a mate! Just like that little baby who wants to make his/her own decision on what he/she will eat, they make up their mind according to what feels and tastes good as opposed to what IS nutritious and wholesomely good! So what does this mean in relation
to relationships? This means like that baby who chooses everything to eat that is sugar laden without understanding about proper nutrition, we, as supposedly level headed adults that possess superior wisdom go after the “potential mates” who are laden with the addictive properties of a “sugar” of a different kind!

You sit up in service hearing the Word but do not internalize it. If you have sense to READ these words then you HAVE no excuse for those damn stupid ass things you have done in this lifetime!

That baby wants EVERYTHING to have sugar in it and eventually gets sick and malnourished because of his/her choices but YOU want the sinfully sweet indulgences but do not utilize the wisdom that you have been afforded and that be a constant companion IN your head to block out the devil from whispering the life crushing foolishness in your head.

You KNOW that woman ain’t no good for you brother but you just can’t give her up because her “head game” is just TOO GOOD to let go! Now two years later you are sitting up in a roach infested apartment with her and the two screaming babies that you had with her since then but you dropped out of school, lost the good job you had because she was always showing up there creating confrontations because of HER insecurities (That you never took the time to discover because you were feeling TOO good with your toes curling from the fleeting meaningless pleasures of it all!) accusing you of cheating with a coworker as well as losing that Toyota Sequoia SUV you took years to save up for to make that down payment because you now couldn’t pay the note and maintain a car and the both of you while she was out of work (When she DID work, which wasn’t much!) pregnant!

I could go on and on and on…….

But the moral of the Scurv story is: TAKE YOUR TIME! The young Lady that was to be your Heaven on earth you have now forfeited because you could not wait for God to work his will into your life! You, like that baby, chose the sugary food over the “packed with nutrition” item and are now paying some painful consequences for it.

You don’t even the time to so called “enjoy” that act that turned you out with her in the first place! You are to busy killing roaches, working those two low paying jobs to feed your babies and fussing and fighting with her now because you are pissed that SHE messed up your life…..NO Brother…..YOU messed up your life!



Don’t be like that Brother who is in a living hell now……let God choose what’s good for you!

Now Sisters!

Come back here!

Don’t think that I forgot about the things that you can sometimes get caught up in. And you know that I speak to you firmly out of a loving heart but this is house cleaning now and we must DEAL with a few things that we need to get straightened OUT!

Sit down and listen PLEASE! It won’t take long…….

Now stop trying to keep a man in your life just to “say” that you HAVE a man! What kind lack of self esteem do you possess that makes you think that you aren’t worth anything if you don’t have a man in your life!

Somebodies hearing me!

So WHAT if you have a man in your life if all he is good for is a romp in the sack? What good is THAT if he is NOT CONTRIBUTING to your future and your security? His occasional “cash gigs” are NOT going to secure you a good life after that romp in the sack becomes less and less important in the total scheme of things as you get older and YES,  you ARE getting older if you stick around this earth long enough. You are better off waiting for your God to allow someone that He MADE specifically for you to come into your life for GOOD than those last seven men that you have been involved with in the last few months.

OOPS! Did I say that?

Yes, most women are not in situations that might be that bad and some are, it’s more the norm than it is not. If you could only hear the heated cellphone conversations that I hear as a bus driver! All I’m saying that instead of spreading yourself (And your thighs) too thin, wasting precious time and energy in the romantic/lustful endeavors that will account for NOTHING long lasting in your life, why don’t you elevate YOURSELF by getting an education, elevate YOURSELF by maintaining a pristine reputation for being a respectable lady, elevate YOURSELF by rejecting every Tom, Dick and Harry that come
around you with a good word but a secret reason for wanting to be your friend and Most of all, STOP forcing people into your life that are just not good for you!

That’s the main reason why I am sitting down here and taking the time to write this blog here tonight! This is what is on my heart to share!

I don’t care HOW good another persons “stats” look good on paper, CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE JUST NOT MEANT TO BE WITH YOU!

So WHAT if they drive a brand new luxury car that’s paid for? Does this mean that they have the ability to comfort you when the storms in life come your way? The flashiest vehicle in the world just can’t transport you to that place called peace of mind…….

So WHAT if they have multiple degrees and just received their Masters,  does this mean they possess the sense enough to guide you with wisdom when confusion is in your midst?

So WHAT if they profess that they love you like they have loved no other! Do they know that there is a BIG difference between saying that you love someone and the ACT of loving someone through thick and thin?

Doing those caring things for you day in and day out even when you get on their nerves? You can say that you “love” a car but will you show that you are “loving” it by keeping it cleaned, waxed and maintained?

So WHAT if their body is so sexy and the bomb? Will their body keep your mind entertained and stimulated long after those strong feelings from the last orgasm has subsided?

We have those who push past the obvious signs of relationship suicide or their own imbalanced reasons and then we have others who are downright foolish in not only the choices they make, but the decision to continue to invest in someone whose energy seems to be diametrically opposed to theirs in every way!

We all know of that couple who do nothing but argue and fight with each other! Their constant phone calls for “advice” usually drain you down to your last nerve because while you really wouldn’t suggest that this person LEAVE their mate (Even though you KNOW that is the best solution!), they should really come to the conclusion that It IS better to leave! But NO! They continue to ask the same damn questions over and over to the point that when you see their number in the caller I.D., you refuse to answer it because you know that to answer their call would be to say goodbye to YOUR hard earned peace of mind!

Let it go to voice mail! That’s what it’s there for! LOL!

We all know of the couple where one of the persons in the relationship is a chronic cheat! Usually its the man but there are plenty of ladies who are out here doing their thing too! How do they say it? That women know HOW to cheat and NEVER get caught? But in this relationship the person getting cheated on has endured this treatment for literally  YEARS and still stays, stating that they know that “this is a good person” that they are with and one day they will “see the light” and stop their hurtful ways.


After bringing home a few things that caused you to have to go to the local S.T.D clinic, after making a few babies out there during the time the you both have been together (Just as we have women who get pregnant for an outside man with the man at home never knowing! Until a D.N.A. test is taken that is!), after taking YOUR hard earned money
to wine and dine their secret lover, WHEN WILL THEY LEARN?


We all know of the couple where the man (If you can call him that!) just has absolutely NO ambition to work and contribute anything to the home as he should, yet he has the biggest appetite in the house, the most demands and still wants to be greeted as the man of the house to all who pass that dysfunctional threshold.

We as human beings are SO complex and always in a constant state of change due to personal growth and with all of the positive/negative forces coming at us at any given time. It’s a wonder that we could even conjure up the energy to even WANT to be in a relationship with ANYONE once we realize how much mental/physical/emotional house cleaning that we must do because of the effect of our total life experiences.

With so many factors working against us, why would we EVER attempt to paddle a row boat unassisted on the hurricane ridden waters of the dating/courting/relationship scene without the awesome protection and guidance that comes freely with our total submission to God’s law and will? Only after being chewed up a bit in these shark infested waters do we come to our senses and realize the HE knows what best for us and does all things for us out of love and in wanting to see us live a full, productive and delightfully beautiful life!

It’s never to late to submit to Gods laws as they pertain to us being protected from the drama and time wasted by those who are not meant for us and allowing that ONE who was specifically crafted for us in every way to come on into our life!


Lance Scurvin


Contact Lance Scurvin At [email protected]

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May 10, 2011 4:57 AM

one thing i really have to disagree with here Felicia is where you said that God is a jealous God.. and I know this is getting off track of the subject but i will comment on that in a minute…

How can God be a jealous God? God is the almighty who has allowed us as a human race to be here experiencing life giving us free will to become the spiritual being we are and to remember that as a collective energy that we can CREATE our lives EXACTLY how we want to create it…

God is THE almighty.. and he wants what is best for his children.. those children being US.. the HUMAN RACE.. God is not mean or jealous or anything other.. this is just what the Church want you to believe so you will grow up in fear of God…. God wants you to create your life and he wants you to be Happy.. Just sayin…

lance.. you touched on a great subject here and i have to be truthful and say i have been guilty of feeling most of the above mentioned.. in my past… AND I HAVE TO SAY.. LIFE HAS BEEN TOUGH AND IT REALLY NEEDN'T HAVE BEEN…

I am now single and learning new lessons each day and i will not settle for anything than the best in my life now.. and BOY OH BOY did it take harsh lessons to get here… to the present state of mind that i am currently in and working on to improve… i will stay by myself..raising my children alone until God sends me my life partner…. even tho i have children.. I have never been married.. LOL…

But i want to say… again KOUDOS!!!! keep up the amazing work!

May 5, 2011 11:57 PM

Hmmmm another great teaching. I used to have this excersise I used to do. When I dated men I would ask myself if that man got into a bad accident and we could have no more sex or he became disfigured could I still see him as the man I said I love. Everytime my answer was no not because Im driven by their appearance or functions but rather because I knew they didnt love me like that as a matter of fact I was with them out of fear of being alone. I may have loved them at some point but The way they treated me or talked to me had driven a gap between us about the size of Texas and I knew deep inside that I wasnt happy. I love being single and waiting on God. However there is someone in my life now who ministers to all of me but he is just a friend, and trust me the good thing you can take out of all the bad you went through is the fact that when the real thing comes along you can identify it because it looks completely different, but you have to be healed and loosed from the past to recieve it. 🙂

June 5, 2010 12:24 AM

My My & Oh My…..I am almost speechless on this one you are so right on, Lance Scurvin all this wisdom and like you say? righteous truth!….There are so many individuals that are so terrified of being alone they will accept any mate and I just can’t and never will be able to wrap my head around that..Learn to be alone and be patient and allow God to send you a mate and someone who loves the Lord if you are a spiritual being…..There is a reason God has put you by yourself, know man comes before him. God is a jealous God and whatever you are putting before him, trust and believe he will remove it he only wants the best for you and your un-divided attention on him first and formost, and wants with someone whom you are equally yoked with in terms of any relationship especially in choosing a mate…..And dahlin I know exactly what you mean about constant phone calls who blow your phone up calling for advise about the same dramatic/ toxic relationships they are in or trying to pursue, knowing this negro is know good, is “UNEMPLOYED” emotionally draining, and you want to marry them? don”t get it (lol) and so on, and so forth…and you know me and my heart Lance, however after awhile the conversation does become draining and begin to get on your last nerve, and I concur you know we know the solution, however will they listen? (well) I think we know the answer to this LOL, THEN you have to send them to voice mail… again for your own peace of mind….. I just hope everyone or some absorb this delicious buffet of wisdom, encouragement and knowledge that you share everyday because I myself am always learning and diggin it, your art, writings and creativity. I’m so inspired by U always my friend…
Enormous love and respect Mr Scurv 🙂

Ms. LelaG
Ms. LelaG
June 4, 2010 11:18 PM

Thank you for sharing this insightful blog Lance. Everything written here was the truth. We can avoid so many hurts and pains if we just hold on. I know it has been difficult for me to do in the past, but it is something I am working on currently. I am waiting for GOD to send my KING and until he does, I will be working on LELA so that I can be the QUEEN GOD intended me to be.

June 4, 2010 10:34 PM

Yikes, You werent playing with this one Lance. WHEW..

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