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Almost Makes A Demon Want To Say Hallelujah!

 

 

 

The Ohio Players – Runnin’ From The Devil

 

Honestly, it ain’t so bad being a demon!

It damn sure ain’t hard work at all. Y’all make it so easy for me and I do appreciate it immensely! It’s my assignment to tempt the people of the world to do things that will land them in hell….and I must say, I am getting promotions up in rank all of the time and actually got a special acknowledgment from satan himself!

Imagine that!

I am in the BIG TIME!

If I keep on racking up souls at this rate, I can see myself in satan’s inner circle and a trusted high ranking devil! Let me give you into a peek into my world. When I was living on earth as a church deacon, I used to have a secret sex addiction and often womanized with whoever I could get my hands on. I screwed half of the congregation, and broke up many a family.

Classic work!

My lines were smooth and I could sense a weakness in a woman or a relationship a mile away….if she had problems at home, it was only a matter of time before she found herself disrobed and on her back in a hotel room eager to please….and when she got down on her knees, it damn sure wasn’t to pray! Ha Ha Ha!

But by then the thrill was over and she was soon tossed away afterward. Did they really believe that I loved them? I mean, half the thrill was breaking them down to a horny sweaty little sex toy!

Little did I know satan was watching my deeds and made an offer to me that I couldn’t refuse as I drew my last breath in a fatal car accident. But that’s another story….you see, what I do is move invisibly on the face of the earth tempting people to do things that they secretly think about. I can’t really hear what their thoughts are, but as I shadow them throughout their day and kind of get a feel for what their vice might be, it’s just a matter of time before they are backsliden once again into sin.

What I like is a “repeat” sinner….one who temporarily kicks the sinful habit they have for a while but soon fails back harder into it than ever before! Most of them do not know that they have open themselves to SEVEN more devils like me to come in therefore given me a BIG promotion!

The ultimate pyramid scheme!

Talk about residual sinful payments! But one things for sure, when I whisper a word into a sinners mind, they think it is something that originated in their mind from their own desires. Works like charm every time! Plus it’s easy work! Ever hear the term “the mind is the devils playground?” When you think of how television, music, movies, magazines use sexual images to promote their products, half the strain is taken off of me as a designated demon!

How about computers?

That’s the modern day wee gee board! Online porn, Myspace.com, phone sex, Cam to cam sex…..I could go on and on but needless to say, the majority of people now are walking around in a state of arousal and forgetting to keep the name and teachings of Jesu*…..OOPS!

I almost said that dreaded name!

Can’t do that…..my boss and master would demote me for sure! Let’s just say that dude who is supposed to be the only begotten son of my bosses’ enemy who has the initials “J.C.”

Let me tell you….us demons LITERALLY HATE the fruits of the spirit! If you have them we will work overtime to piss you off, make you hate someone, become impatient and anxious, feel superior, become vain, selfish, envious…..anything to make you lose your salvation!

You see, we as demons do not have a chance to go to Heaven and do not want YOU to go there either. We are the ultimate haters and the true crabs in the barrel….pulling you down when you almost reach your goal.

When judgment day comes we are going to be swamped and working overtime to make the room down in headquarters (hell) to accommodate the rush of sinners and even the so called “nice” people who never took the time to get their souls saved. “J.C.” is going to have to have plenty of erasers on that day to erase the names of those backsliders from The Book of Life!

So the next time you are tempting to look at that girls booty at the mall, reach for that drink, chase down that dude who cut you off of the freeway while driving in a fit of road rage, realize that I won’t stop telling you what you SHOULD be doing through your thoughts! So PLEASE keep on living a life of sin as the clock ticks and time runs out!

Almost makes a demon want to say HALLELUJAH!

Gotta go!

Church service will soon begin and I have to invisibly attend so I can whisper some sinful thoughts into the minds of those Christians…….see you in hell!

It won’t be long my friend……!

A very happy “demon”, age unknown, from the depths of hades explains his gameplan of spiritual seduction on the unsuspecting to those who probably won’t listen anyway as they lead a life of sin that’s taking them with him, straight to the bottomless pits of hell!

Lance Scurvin

Contact Lance Scurvin At LanceScurv@yahoo.com

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About The Author

Culture Critic, Podcast Host, Blogger, Cartoonist & Social Media Activist who focuses on the issues that the Mainstream Media is deathly afraid to touch! Call/Text Direct: 407.590.0755

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