I received a huge dose of it earlier today as I observed deeply the obvious paper thin motivations of those who crossed my path all day at work.
If you don’t know, I drive a bus here in Orlando Florida and to be honest what I get to see and absorb are the things that earning a degree in psychology demands that you know before receiving it.
Now let me give you all a heads up, this written expression will be in a free flowing very abstract style, so those of you who are writers that were taught to express yourselves in a linear fashion understand that this is from the soul and beyond what any classroom can teach.
Creativity has no rules and in a sense is so closely related to that point of being totally uninhibited when your senses are being flooded with the overwhelming bliss of sexual pleasure. There are no official rules to express oneself, and in a way I do wonder about those anal retentive writers who abhor all who don’t submit to their narrow minded philosophy of how one must express themselves in the written word, I mean, they probably make such rotten and predictable lovers and probably never enjoyed the full release of orgasm because they were too busy trying to intellectualize the experience.
But anyway, today was a day that I had my fill of the human race from its underbelly. It was quite depressing because I myself expect so much more from humankind than the most basic of motivations exuded merely to satisfy some type of ego need while their realities are going straight to the garbage pile. The sad thing was that they don’t even realize it!
I don’t know if you’ve ever thought this thought, but it hit me today that humankind has become degraded so low that we just don’t seem to possess the overall integrity and character that we had many decades ago, this is not everyone, but if we averaged the hearts of every man and woman on the planet at this very moment you couldn’t tell me that we wouldn’t score significantly lower on the scale of moral character than the overall collective society did years ago.
We are so animalistic and only cater to our immediate needs without any concern for the consequences or effect on the overall picture of our lives and the lives of others around us. If we see it, we want it! It doesn’t matter anymore that the man that you are checking out is another woman’s husband, you want him in the here and now in ways that his very own Wife has never even experienced. And nine times out of ten, that ring toting pretender is just as much with that titillating program of lust as long as he feels that he won’t get caught. This is why we have so many jacked up family trees and can’t figure out who is related to who because we screw around so much and then try to explain it away to our children as though it’s something noble.
Consequences. We don’t think about those at all. It seems as though instead of getting deep in some type of meditation to save that scared bruised and vulnerable inner child that we work so hard to cover up with the adult persona that project to the world that we got it all together and under control. What a lie and waste of productive time for most of us!
You see, the more we lie to ourselves is the more the deterioration of our inner character will erode. We work so hard to keep the stench of our neglected selves away from the next person in denial by achieving a higher level of what the carnal world considers the epitome of success that we become like that beautiful shiny well polished apple that stands out on the grocer’s shelf but reveals what has been so cleverly hidden by the proprietor looking for that quick sale once you take that first bite of reality.
We all are dysfunctional to some degree and if you think that you are not then you are lying to yourself. We all have been given a hand from that deck of cards that is life, and it’s up to all of us to make the best of it in the little time that we have on this earth. The worst thing that anyone can do is to ignore the scratches and dents that we have caught in our lives and especially our childhoods, because I feel that our younger years is when our personal molds have been set pretty much for the rest of our lives as there were hints from way back then of what we were to become as an adult.
Sure, there are events and tragedies that can influence how that character mold sets but for the most part the basic form is there and will be for the rest of our lives.
We can truly reshape that usually hardened mold with the acceptance of the things that have transpired in our lives good and bad by using our inner strength to face what we have sometimes taken an entire lifetime to hide to finally use intelligence to break down the dysfunctional wall of concrete down to build it back up again into the well adjusted progressive individuals that deep down we all want to be.
But sadly from what I see we will never undertake that daunting task, so we move about the earth in a perpetual state of darkness that emulates a Halloween trick or treat “pretend to be something that you’re not” pseudo fun-fest. Except the consequence of such weakness is divorce, broken homes, drug addiction, rage, isolation, depression and instability to name a few. So we hide behind our masks and point fingers at every reason why we should not be held accountable to our wayward behaviors because of what happened to us in our dysfunctional past.
So instead of living a full life where we are enabled to receive all of the goodness that life has to offer us even through the rough times, we spend our best years feverishly avoiding those wounds that go unattended and dominate our existence more than they should because we have given this rancid infection of the soul a dark damp place to spread under the huge rock of our denial.
So that grown man who went through a traumatic episode with a former relationship stays stuck in that place forever and every single conversation that he indulges in seems to be brought back to that episode as the unattended rage and hurt resurface to damage a potentially beautiful new reality that has absolutely nothing to do with his past. So he loses out on the love of the present that was really meant for him because he couldn’t let go of the one that really wasn’t the one designed for him specifically.
He chose that failed relationship but it wasn’t divinely designated, so the negative experience dictated how he views every other woman who ever entered his life.
…..I know many men who are sadly afflicted with this mentality.
What about that woman who never trusted any man because of the failed relationships not only in her adult life but from what she observed her Mother go through during her childhood?
Her first inclination is to never trust a man as her battle armor goes up every time the opposite sex ventures into her midst when he exhibits the kindest of gentlemanly gestures.
She spouts to him and anyone within earshot that she doesn’t need a man and she can do bad all by herself so after repelling any prospective mate with her verbal venom she ends up in that exact position of doing it all by herself.
She never takes in the fact that she was made to live as one with that mate that she so excellently threw away yet regularly prays to a God that abhors that feminist doctrine and wants for her what she really and truly wants deep inside but will never admit to because of a childhood indoctrination that brought more pain than the original brainwashing was designed to protect her from.
How many women do you know who are single in the manner of a person “grinning and bearing it” after realizing a moderate to high level of material success who now would give anything in the world to have a good man that is all their own hold them at night and tell them that they are going to love them and be with them forever and really mean it and do it?
But usually that scenario never happens and the reality is yet another lonely night at home surrounded by the luxuries of success that makes a mockery of the poverty in her heart.
She relieves her physical cravings manually with the aid of a plastic vibrating battery operated boyfriend while her tear ducts release more fluid than her highly stimulated private parts ever could as the masturbatory experience becomes a bitterest swirl of extreme pleasure and severe sadness before she drops off to sleep.
What woman living in that reality wouldn’t be bitter?
I’m at a point in my life right now where I know what makes me happy and I realize that I cannot save everyone that I come into contact with. Not that I have some kind of Superman complex or anything, but I’ve run across many people who have asked me for honest help and opinions as much as I can give. I’ve found that after a draining ordeal that most never really wanted to see the raw naked truth about themselves in the first place as they ended up being either resentful toward my honesty or a certified hater or dedicated enemy.
I’ve decided to live and let live at this junction point and merely be an example as much as I can even though I myself am a flawed vessel just like the rest of us. Just like The Holy Bible’s Noah, I will continue to build my spiritual ark because the flood of chastisement I see for me is coming soon. Understand also in your life it would be a crime to lose you salvation because you were running behind everyone else in your inner circle to awaken them only to find that their bliss comes from the very blind indulgences that they asked your advice to save them from.
Never again will I ever waste any more time on these individuals who refuse to do their own “homework” and internal cleansing because God knows that I have enough of it to do on my own dysfunctional self. There comes a time when the game is over and the scores must be tallied. The question is – where will you fall on the scale of improvement and readiness to make it to the next level?
Frightening thought for most but a reality that will soon arrive with every passing second that ticks on the clock. I’m not trying to preach to anyone because I even have trouble and difficulty adhering to my own doctrines and projections, but it’s a question that many who possess the weak natures on this planet need to ask of themselves because this life doesn’t last forever.
So carry on if you wish in your extended sex crazed frenzy driven by that blue pill called Viagra.
Continue on buying yourself yet another year to push back the visit of Father Time to only on a visual level with those Botox injections and regular visits to the plastic surgeon. You can fool most of the people most of the time but you can never trick all of the people all of the time but know that God sees all!
…….and after we leave this amusement park of life in our short walk on this wonderful planet called Earth. We will have to account for ALL of the foolishness that we refused to acknowledge and correct ourselves from continually committing. So while you can through of on me for speaking my mind you can’t say a damn thing to God for telling you what IS and what ISN’T! For He has the last word on where you will end up as He has given you a chance to clean up what you refused to deal with.
The bottom line? We’re ALL messed up in some form or fashion, so stop trying to appear perfect at the expense of what must be done to be ready for the afterlife!
Peace & Righteous Love Always,
Your Fellow Dysfunctional Brother,