Over the years, as I’ve become more visible on social media and gained the trust of many people I’ve crossed paths with, I’ve found that many seek my advice—not because I claim to be some all-knowing figure, but because life has granted me enough years and experiences to offer perspectives that resonate. Through my stories, videos, and writings, people often conclude, “Lance has been through a lot—I need to ask him about this.”
While I don’t broadcast personal matters, I’ve naturally fallen into the role of listening, offering guidance, and providing another viewpoint to those carrying heavy burdens. It’s a role I take seriously, and if I can help someone gain clarity or make a positive change, I’m all for it.
With that in mind, I put together this proactive list for men—specifically Black men—who may unknowingly, or even carelessly, be damaging their marriages and relationships. Some of these behaviors stem from oversight, lack of awareness, or a refusal to acknowledge reality. No one is perfect, and I’m not here to preach from some self-righteous soapbox. In fact, I’ve likely been guilty of some of these things myself. But growth comes from recognition, and if we’re willing to confront uncomfortable truths, we can all do better.
I present this list in that spirit—raw, real, and necessary. And believe me, I could go even deeper on each of these points. If there’s a specific topic that strikes a chord, let me know. I can break it down in an article, a video, or a live discussion with surgical precision.
Read, reflect, and let me know your thoughts. If there’s something I missed, feel free to reach out—whether openly or privately—at [email protected].
Now, let’s get into it…
Men, listen up. Marriage is not something you put on autopilot and expect to flourish. Too many husbands treat their jobs, hobbies, and friends like top priority while their wives get whatever time is left over. A strong marriage requires leadership, consistency, and effort.
If you want a household filled with peace, joy, and a wife who still looks at you like you are the best thing walking, take this seriously.
Here are 25 major mistakes husbands make—and how to fix them before it is too late.
1. WORKING HARD AT YOUR JOB, BUT NOT IN YOUR MARRIAGE
You are grinding, stacking money, and making moves—but are you putting in the same effort at home? You lead at work, but is your marriage suffering? Financial stability is important, but your wife did not marry you for a paycheck. Lead your marriage with the same dedication you bring to your business.
2. FLIRTING IS NOT HARMLESS – IT IS CHEATING IN DISGUISE
You think because you are not physically cheating, it does not count? Wrong. Emotional cheating, flirty texts, and getting too friendly with other women is just as damaging. Instead of directing that energy outside your marriage, focus on reigniting the spark with your wife.
3. BEING GENEROUS OUTSIDE, BUT STINGY AT HOME
You are known for helping everybody else, handing out money and favors, but your wife and kids have to ask twice for what they need? Charity begins at home. If your household is struggling while you are playing benefactor to the world, you have your priorities backward.
4. THINKING LOVE AND AFFECTION MAKE YOU WEAK
You were romantic while dating, but now you act like saying “I love you” is beneath you? Love is not a weakness—it is what real men express. If God shows love, why do you think you are too strong for it?
5. THINKING MONEY AND GIFTS FIX EVERYTHING
You are emotionally absent but trying to compensate with cash and presents? Your wife and children need your presence, not just your paycheck. Time is more valuable than money—invest wisely.
6. ADMIRING OTHER WOMEN INSTEAD OF UPLIFTING YOUR OWN
If you find yourself appreciating other women more than your wife, redirect that focus. Compliment her, invest in her, encourage her, take her shopping, work out together—make her feel like the queen she is. A woman who feels valued will always shine.
7. WASTING FAMILY MONEY ON FOOLISHNESS
Drinking, partying, gambling, or spending money on things that do not benefit your household is reckless. Secure your legacy, build wealth for your children, and stop throwing away money that could create a better future.
8. JUSTIFYING YOUR PORN HABIT
Lusting after other women on a screen is damaging your mind, your marriage, and your ability to be satisfied with your wife. That addiction will kill your intimacy and create expectations that reality cannot fulfill.
9. THINKING “HEAD OF THE HOUSE” MEANS DICTATORSHIP
Leadership is not about control. Too many men confuse authority with dominance. A strong man leads with wisdom, love, and respect. Your wife is not your servant—she is your partner. The stronger she is, the stronger you are.
10. IGNORING YOUR WIFE’S ADVICE
If you think your wife has nothing valuable to say, you have already lost. Women have instincts that men often overlook. Listen to her—she might save you from making costly mistakes.
11. BEING TOO PROUD TO APOLOGIZE
You know you are wrong, but your pride will not let you say it? That is a sign of weakness. A real man owns his mistakes. Sometimes, “I am sorry” is the only thing standing between you and peace in your home.
12. DROPPING THE BALL ON YOUR SPIRITUAL ROLE
You say you want a godly household, but your wife is the only one praying, going to church – if this happens to be her tradition, even though we know that it’s not mandatory, or teaching the children about faith? As the man, you are supposed to lead spiritually. Do not leave that responsibility entirely on her shoulders.
13. BRINGING YOUR JOB TITLE HOME
You may be a boss at work, but at home, you are a husband and father. Stop trying to run your household like a corporation. Your wife and children need love, not commands.
14. HIDING YOUR FAILURES AND STRUGGLES
Men have struggles too, but keeping everything bottled up will only make things worse. Stop pretending everything is fine—talk to your wife. A real woman will stand by you, but only if you let her in.
15. CARING MORE ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS’ OPINIONS THAN YOUR WIFE’S
If your friends mock you for being a good husband, you need better friends. Your marriage is not their business. Stop letting outsiders influence what happens inside your home.
16. BEING SELFISH IN THE BEDROOM
Your wife has needs too. If she is not satisfied, that is your responsibility. Learn her body, take your time, and make sure she is happy before you fall asleep. A fulfilled wife is a happy wife.
17. LEAVING PARENTING TO HER ALONE
Your wife is not a single mother, so stop acting like she is. Step up—change diapers, teach lessons, be present. Your children need more than just a provider; they need an involved father.
18. NOT TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO HANDLE SUCCESS
You are working hard to build wealth, but are your children prepared to manage it? Teach them about responsibility, money, and character, or they will waste everything you worked for.
19. ALLOWING FAMILY INTERFERENCE IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Your mother, sister, or cousin does not run your household. Stand up for your wife. No one else is married to her but you.
20. STOPPING THE ROMANCE AFTER MARRIAGE
Just because she is your wife now does not mean the dating stops. Keep things exciting. Keep pursuing her. Make her feel like she is still the one you would choose all over again.
21. NOT COMMUNICATING CLEARLY
Expecting your wife to read your mind is unrealistic. Speak up. Be clear. No woman wants to play guessing games about how her husband feels.
22. TAKING HER FOR GRANTED
If you assume she will always be there no matter how you treat her, you are mistaken. Neglect breeds resentment, and resentment leads to distance. Appreciate her before someone else does.
23. THINKING SEX IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN INTIMACY
Sex without emotional connection is just a physical act. True intimacy starts with conversation, affection, and consistent love.
24. NEVER SAYING “THANK YOU”
Gratitude goes a long way. Tell her you appreciate what she does. A simple “thank you” can strengthen love and respect.
25. THINKING DIVORCE WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO YOU
No marriage is indestructible. If you neglect your wife, ignore her needs, and refuse to change, she might walk away. Do not wait until it is too late to start caring.
Husbands, be better. Fix these mistakes while you still can. A happy wife creates a happy home, and a strong marriage is not something that just happens—it is built with intentionality and effort.
The True Essence of Marriage
Marriage is not something to be entered into lightly or for superficial reasons. It is a sacred union that demands deep understanding, unwavering commitment, and a clear grasp of what it truly entails. Many rush into marriage fueled by lust, financial security, or fleeting emotions, only to find themselves disillusioned when the reality of lifelong partnership sets in. The foundation of a successful marriage must be built on more than physical attraction or material wealth. It requires a commitment to growth, love, respect, and mutual understanding—elements that transcend the temporary pleasures of the flesh or the illusion of financial stability.
In today’s world, external influences constantly seek to shape the way we view marriage. Media, in particular, is a powerful force that can subtly infiltrate the mind, altering expectations and creating unrealistic standards. Be mindful of how movies, television, and social media depict relationships—these portrayals are often scripted, exaggerated, and disconnected from the struggles and responsibilities of real-life unions. Similarly, friends and family can have a profound impact on your perception of marriage. While some may offer wisdom, others might introduce doubt, comparison, or toxic perspectives that weaken your bond. Not every problem needs to be shared, and sometimes, discretion is the best defense against unnecessary interference.
Furthermore, friendships outside the marriage—especially those involving the opposite sex—must be handled with care. While trust is essential, boundaries must be set to protect the sanctity of the union. Not every friend has pure intentions, and some may be waiting for moments of weakness to exploit for their own benefit. A marriage should be a fortress, guarded against external threats that seek to create division. Emotional affairs often begin with innocent conversations, but over time, they can evolve into dangerous entanglements. Protect your spouse’s heart and honor the commitment you made by ensuring that the strongest emotional and physical connection in your life remains within the marriage itself.
Every marriage is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. This is why it is crucial to define your own expectations, roles, and boundaries, rather than trying to mirror someone else’s relationship—especially those of celebrities and public figures. Many admire athletes, entertainers, and influencers without realizing that their public image is carefully curated. Behind the scenes, they may be dealing with infidelity, abuse, or deep dissatisfaction. Instead of idolizing relationships built on illusion, ground your marriage in righteousness, morality, and godly principles. True success in marriage is not measured by material wealth or public displays of affection but by the depth of love, integrity, and commitment that holds the union together.
In the end, marriage is what you and your spouse make it. It is a lifelong journey that requires vigilance, self-awareness, and the willingness to course-correct when necessary. Hold each other accountable, communicate openly, and stand guard against the forces that seek to corrupt what is meant to be sacred. A strong marriage is not one without challenges, but one that weathers them together with faith, patience, and an unwavering commitment to righteousness. If your foundation is built on moral and spiritual values, no external force—be it media, friends, or societal trends—will be able to shake what you have built.
I do hope that these words help someone…
Have anything in mind that we could add to this list? Let me know…
Sincerely,
