Ball & Chain Marriages – Their Love Is A Cancer That Will Quickly Eat Up Your Dreams!


We all have them, or at least at one time we did.

For those of us that still have our dreams, meaning our heartfelt goals and aspirations, we have come to understand that our dreams are very special and literally keep is alive.

To have given up on our dreams leaves us in a place where we are mere shells of our former selves and can find ourselves just going through the motions in life with absolutely no expectation of great positive change and no enthusiasm or joy as we take life from on level to another.

In other words, to live a life void of dreams is to relegate oneself to the status of the living dead.

What’s the point of your life if you have no future plans to accomplish?

You are merely marking time and taking up space.

Then GET AWAY from me if that description fits you because I have enough dreams to last FIVE lifetimes and I am all about trying to make them ALL come true!

It is difficult and challenging enough to reach ones goals than to add to your struggle unnecessarily by babysitting a negative dead weight entity while you are in the midst of running the race of life real hard because they will only hinder you and slow you down from your personal best and literally guarantee that you lose your momentum!

While most will agree with what I am saying it isn’t as easily done when you are connected to that deadweight entity in the worst of matrimonial ways!

Yes. I meant it that way my friend. Some of our worst dream-killing deadweight entities in our life are sometimes the individuals that we are married to!

For those who think that I have fallen this morning and hit my head to be able to even say such a thing allow me to tell you that this is NOT the case!

Many marriages that I have observed are working just fine with both partners meshing with each other beautifully and interlocking in such a synergistic precious manner that their union helps them to reach heights that they could never attain on their own as individuals!

When I see this my heart is set aglow because those are the examples of how a marriage is supposed to work and the way God intended it.

But their is a flip side to this coin and I am sorry to say that it is a phenomenon that is happening all too often and is not spoken on enough!

What I am talking about is what I will call a “Ball & Chain Marriage.”

Need me to explain? No problem…….

Imagine that you are THE fastest track star in the entire world with no one who could even come CLOSE to your dominance of the sport. Your potential has been realized and you feel as though you have so much left inside of you to accomplish when you go down the laundry list of all of the advantages that you have in your favor.

Now, before a big race you find yourself with a huge ball & chain around your ankle that you have notified the race officials of but they dismiss you as being mentally incompetent because of your claims as they claim not to see any such thing around your ankle but allow you to run the race anyway because most of those in attendance have journeyed from far away places and paid lots of money just to see YOU!

You know that you have it in you to win this race easily and devastate the competition but you know for a fact that things today will be quite different because of the unseen load and hindrance that you now drag around on your ankle. The world just doesn’t see it!

You go along with the race anyway and try your best to ignore it and set your mind to winning anyway because deep down you know that you are a winner!

Your competitors can tell that something is wrong with you mentally and they smell blood as the subliminal mind games begin to play out at the starting line.


The starter pistol sounds and the race is ON!

Your competitors literally FLY past you but even their personal best for this day may be off by a millisecond because they couldn’t help to resist the temptation to turn around to see that you’ve only made it from the starting line about two yards. Something is wrong and your competition KNOWS that they are getting a freebie today, so they bite down hard to fight it out amongst themselves and revel in the fact that winner will be able to claim that they beat the fastest person in the world no matter the fact that you were just not yourself that day.

Afterward instead of the press swarming down on the eventual winner of the race, they know that whoever won is merely a trivial footnote compared to the reason why you did not perform to your usual supernatural level of performance!

While the questions bombard your frustrated soul you know that it doesn’t even make any sense to convince them of what it is that caused you to lose the race that they just can’t see. It will only make YOU look like the crazy one! So you dismiss your dismal performance as being just an off day because of you being in an over-trained state as you walk over to congratulate the winner who deep down knows that he did not really defeat the full working version of yourself and is a bit in shock as the press follows you as though you were the winner regardless as you exit the stadium.

For those of you who are in those Bail & Chain Marriages you will know exactly what I mean!

You have it in you to excel but your mate is so negative that it hampers your performance in the outside world in your chosen area of expertise!

Whatever you HAVE accomplished came so under an intense state of duress and while the masses may think that you are doing a great job you know within your heart of hearts that you have so much more inside of you but you are married to someone who literally sucks the life out of you with their negative spirit!

You know that you are capable of doing greater things on your job but the main thing holding you back is something that you dare not tell the world – that you have an uncompromising mate at home who does everything in their power to work against you.

You know that your performance in the church choir wasn’t up to par even though those in the audience claim that your voice was Heaven-sent but how much better would it have been if you weren’t up all night last night arguing when you should have been getting your rest to enable you to perform at your peak?

This is the unseen struggles that one must endure when having a dead weight spouse to come home to!

It has gotten to the point where whenever you DO have a new dream to pursue you have learned to keep your mouth quiet about it because your deadweight minded mate will remind you that there are bills to pay and that you can go after your dreams “maybe next year” but you realize that this is a game to keep you held down in one spot year after year because “THAT” next year NEVER ARRIVES!

There will always be an excuse from your mate as to why you should postpone any attempts at striving for your goals until an undisclosed time. Year after year these mates have settled for being mediocre and are determined to keep you driving down the lane of mediocrity on the highway of life!

Now let me tell you that not all negative minded mates operate in an obvious manner as most appear to be the most supportive people on the face of the earth! This is how they have slipped in on the inner circle of your mind and are always in close proximity enough to you and know how to pull that switch of intensely driven positivity and focus that you have protected from the world so well!

Well let me tell you, you don’t even have to worry about your enemies out in the world as much as you have to watch that one that you lay in the bed with everynight!

You might be a woman who wants to lose a few pounds for your health and overall appearance but that man to whom you are married to feels as though it is a threat to his hold on you and attempts to sabotage you with your culinary weaknesses each and everytime to KEEP you fat!

Why? Because HE is insecure and doesn’t want anyone else to appreciate YOU for what YOU have inside a unique attributes that the world will adore!

Many husbands will even insinuate that you are entertaining the thought of being with someone “else” out there just because you want to improve yourself.

This is the thing – if HE was a person who was progressive and all about making HIMSELF better each day than he was the day before then he would understand how you feel about yourself and your need to improve.

But since he has embraced a life of so called normalcy, never to challenge his self imposed boundaries then you appear to be a very strange person to him and looks at YOU as though you need some type of help! God did not make anyone to sit around one their ass and take their limited energies to thwart YOUR plans that in actuality are between you and YOUR GOD alone!

But again allow me to say that below the “I love you’s” and fun times that you both may share, the minute that you choose to move beyond the expected circumference and boundary of what they’ve deemed as a limit they will quickly change up on you in order to train you to NOT attempt to move beyond that line again!

It’s almost like the caged animal that has finally been set free, that animal will most likely die sooner than if he stayed in captivity because being caged up has become a normal life for him and now just doe NOT know what to do to fend for themselves in the wild!

Don’t EVER allow anyone to permeate your psyche enough to the point where your limit yourself automatically without pushing the limits of your existence. For some of us, it is like some type of “cut-off” device goes off in our heads and keeps us in check in the manner our mate would even though they are not around to harass you into submission.

These Ball & Chain Marriage mates can have you trained so well to the point where a mere look from them in a friendly gathering will let you know that you better not step out of line and do anything beyond what they will allow. It could be something as simple as committing to going to a friendly house gathering of like minded women who all share the same hobby or some empowering event that they are having at the local church. Something that HE could attend but won’t because he knows that he couldn’t get away with the games that he does when it is only you and him behind closed doors.

It is an abuse of the worst kind and although I am painting my scenarios as though it is the man at fault do know that I only do this because the majority of those wonderful individuals who follow and love the expressions of LanceScurv are mainly women. But it can most definitely be a woman who is the negative aggressor in a Ball & Chain Marriage and when you have a woman who is like this it can even be MORE undetectable!

The bottom line is that we as human beings have got to stop allowing these negative based individuals into our hearts and fooling us into thinking that they will make wonderful spouses when in essence they have come to suck you dry of your positivity. They are the spiritual and emotional vampires that can put a drain on your heart like that family member who is secretly stealing from the family business and you realize it after firing so many innocent people only to catch this person red handed in the act making you wonder how much further along your gains could have been if not for their negative presence.

Well it may not only be money that a spouse is taking from you in a Ball & Chain Marriage, it may be the very divine energy that is your LIFE!

As I said earlier before, if you are living a life void of dreams then you are merely existing and NOT living and are merely a shell of what God wants you to be.

So if you KNOW you are an expensive and fast sportscar but can go no faster than a fully packed shopping cart in the crowded parking lot of a WalMart on a busy Saturday afternoon, then SHED THAT LOAD off of you and let that dead beat know that nothing will stop you from going after your dreams even if it means dumping the trash that has become your beloved spouse!

“Cause if he loved you like he said he would then he of ALL people would take a special joy in seeing you reach your desired level of divine existence.

The choice is yours.

If you are still beat down and in this relationship shortly after reading these words then the fault and blame all falls on you. I speak from experience and am living proof that there is a life after banishing that entity who tried so hard to stop the world from hearing the music that has always played in my heart!

I did it and so can you!

Peace & Righteous Love Always,


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Nubia Roberts
January 26, 2012 9:55 AM

‎"To live a life void of dreams is, indeed, to relegate oneself to the status of the living dead."

My brother, you must have read my thoughts.

Far too often we as a people tend to“ALLOW” life's struggles to perform the task of dreaming killing without even putting up a fright. Rather, we act as passive bystanders in our own performances/routines.

I do concur with the notion that there is absolutely no point to one’s life if it is void of dreams/plans. It is one's belief that everyone should have a dream, even if one possesses doubts that this dream can be realized.

For those of us, in particular, who were socialized/grew up in disadvantaged/underprivileged communities/environments, “how dear we not have dreams? How dear we give others the permission to “STEAL/TAKE” our dreams?” Yes, I said “TAKE,” because in all actuality, that is exactly what we “ALLOW” to happen.

You dreams are yours, fight for them. At the end of the day, even if none of them become a reality, at least you leave this place with the satisfaction that you have fought a “GREAT” fight.


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