Why Do Black Women Love To Say: I’m Married To Jesus!

Let’s get this straight right off the bat: Jesus ain’t coming back here to this crazy planet to be no one’s damn husband!

I couldn’t tell you the amount of times in public and even in private conversations that I heard a woman say that “Jesus is my husband!”

I think to myself “So what is she saying? Does she remember what husbands do after the lights go out?”


You and I know that those words are said mostly – if not exclusively – by our Black Sisters and forgive me if I’m wrong but it has been my experience that it’s only sisters saying it. Not all possibly, but far too many!

But I’ve always sincerely wondered what did they mean by this statement and what was at the root of it?

Now let me first say that I am not into bashing women but sometimes when I write I have to go places that others are afraid to travel at the risk of being misunderstood.

After a few years of meditating on this every now and then I’ve come to a place where I think I can explain the statement below the surface and where it’s coming from. Now if you as a woman gets mad at this explanation then you are probably guilty of making this statement too.


If that’s the case then I can’t do nothing to sooth your pain and will probably exacerbate it! LOL!

I feel that these Sisters who say that Jesus is their husband are very frustrated from within because they are sick and tired of waiting for a man for themselves. They still want that man and will jump at the chance to have one of their own but use Jesus as the cheap filler to an empty heart and a moist vagina.

If Jesus was really their husband then Jesus has got to be the most cheated on man since time began, I don’t believe that Jesus was on many of these women’s minds when the prospect of another potential flesh and blood man of their own came into their lives. I mean, these women who proclaim being Mrs. Jesus seem to be in the church every doggone time those doors open!

Baptist Church

Sunday morning Bible school, Sunday morning service, Sunday night service, Tuesday night Bible study, Wednesday night Praise and worship service, Friday night social night service and the Saturday night Social Club replacement service.

Did I forget Monday and Thursday nights? Well on those nights these women work with the street team right?

So with so much going on in their lives to take up all of their time, their husband Mr. Jesus ain’t getting too much “play” because every night his wife is out doing the Lords work and not staying at home with her husband!

Now let’s get down to the meat of the matter and put the jokes aside…….

I see these types of lonely women all of the time. They’re hurting really bad because they’ve been sold the dream that one day their very own “Boaz” will come into their life and love them forever and treat them like the Queen that they know that they are.

Married To Jesus

They also were lead to believe that they are “less than a woman” if they weren’t married or had a marriage minded man in their life that was serious about them in a one on one relationship.

As a man, I can see the hunger in these women’s eyes and know exactly what it is as they give me the once over with their eyes but quickly disengage when they spot the obvious wedding band on my finger. It’s not so much that they were checking me out because I’m not all that, but they have an automatic low voltage scanning system that watches over all men that enter within a close proximity to them.

Now many of my Brothers knows how this works, they know how it is when you go to a new church and the women who have been there for what seems like ages all spring to life in his presence because HE just might be their Boaz and dream man.


And this is why many of these women who get frustrated waiting for their Boaz and settle for the next best thing: THE PASTOR!

…….and these Jackleg pastors LOVE you waiting on Jesus or rather being “married” to Jesus because he knows that THAT’S a marriage that will NEVER be consummated! But in the meantime the closet thing YOU THINK that you have to Jesus is your Pastor so this is why he has the tough job of laying his hands on all of these women who need guidance and release!

Guidance and release all right, the both of you will be calling out the name of Jesus but it won’t be because of the goodness of the Lord but from the goodness of that deep stroking going on with him deep inside of you! Be real now!

Stockings Tops

Denial is a heck of a thing with these delusional women overstuffed with religion, if they would only acknowledge that they have natural needs just like any other person, they wouldn’t have to go through the changes that they put themselves through.

But by lying to themselves they compound their frustrations to the point of becoming so toxic that even if they did meet a good man who had the potential to take things all the way to marriage then they would probably run him away!

Jesus Returning

They must have forgotten that God MADE their bodies as they are to function as they do! Now I’m not saying to go out on a out of control wonton sex spree with every man that you think looks good, but merely acknowledge that it’s okay to have the feelings that you do as long as you’re responsible with them to enjoy them in the proper context.

But to say that Jesus is your husband when you know that you’re sitting down on a moist coochie and swollen throbbing clit that would love to be licked, sucked, slurped and swallowed until you deliciously explode your brains out, would be the biggest lie told since Satan tried to tempt Jesus on the mountaintop with all of the riches that was in the world!

This is why all of these women who “are married to Jesus” can’t control themselves when they get in the company of an intelligent well dressed and groomed affluent man who is all about progressing in life on a mental, physical and spiritual level.

When they meet these types they forget all about their poor husband Jesus and start throwing pussy around like confetti in the victory parade in midtown Manhattan after the Yankees won the World Series in Baseball! It’s THAT serious!

World Series Baseball

Let’s get real people. Jesus ain’t coming back just to merely be some poor woman’s husband! He’s got bigger fish to fry.

But what we need to do is to be married to Jesus in a sensible way that will benefit our lives and not bring an immeasurable amount of frustration to us. How do we do that?

Well for one, we all need to be married to Jesus by following the example He shared of how to live a spotless life.

We need to be married to the Divine Word that Jesus said to follow in His absence.

We need to love each other.

Stop killing one another and gossip on each other every chance we get!

We need to stop lusting after our neighbor’s spouse and take the time to make ourselves more desirable as we perfect ourselves for the time that we get one of our own!

There is so much to do in the meantime with our lives in a very real way instead of copping out and saying that you’re are married to Jesus. That does nothing for your lonely heart except to push you down into the bottomless abyss of depression because you and I know that’s NOT how it goes!

Be real like Jesus and you’ll get yourself a good man! Case closed!

Peace & Righteous Love Always,

Your Sometimes Overly Blunt Brother,



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Kocolate Avante
Kocolate Avante
April 21, 2015 9:36 PM

Believe it or not – All women do not require a “Man” as the ultimate road to happiness!! There are a lot of happy single and/or divorced women (including myself) who would not entertain the thought of marriage to some lost, broke, wannabe Player. Marriage can be a beautiful union if with the right person, however, these days it is more difficult to find that Blessing. So many people find their own source of happiness – Jesus can be very comforting!! Each to their Own!!

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