I want to wish every true Father out here reading this a Happy Father’s Day but in actuality I want to reach out to those who are in pain because of the hurtful situations that they’ve found themselves in because of the relationship with their child’s mother gone sour.
That particular scenario may not be what your might be but whatever the reason for the hurt to exist in your heart there are some things that you might need to know to understand that being a Father is something that no person on this earth can stop you from being.
To the readers who are absorbing my written flow understand that this is not being put out there to bash women as I would never categorize all women the same as I know some very worthy Queens who have gone above and beyond the call of duty as Mothers to their children as well as to a man who may not have been what he should have been in living up to his post as a father.
I just wanted to get that clear.
I am addressing this often overlooked slice of reality because of the countless messages and communications sent my way from Fathers in distress who are in pain because they don’t have the relationship with their children that they’ve always hoped for.
And oftentimes the common denominator in these situations are the bitter mothers who use the children as a bargaining chip in the dealings with a father who must jump through the hoops of control that the mother holds over his head with sadistic intentions.
As a man, when you look back most of the time to the things that attracted you to this now stranger of a woman, you realize that you didn’t have a clue as to what she was going to become and the hell that she would try to apply to your life when once she appeared to come straight out of the Heavens!
Yes, we who know this special brand of pain will say to ourselves that we should have known that it was going to end up sour, but it’s too late to waste anymore time on the past in order to prepare yourself for the immense task at hand to be the best father to the universe that you can be regardless as to what a woman in a small limited situation can do to temporarily stop you from being a positive influence to your children.
But contrary to the popular stigma placed on many of us in the mainstream media, there are more men out here in the world who really want to be fathers and love the position of being just that. don’t believe the hyped placed out there by a few disgruntled women and the media outlets that are profiting from perpetuating such a massive lie!
Sure, there are some of us that are certified deadbeats, but I think it’s wrong to demonize all of us because of the actions of a few.
I’ve learned through the experience of a long lost friend who goes by the name of Rhonda Lewis – who would not mind that I mention her by name and made her situation quite public to all who knew her as to be an inspiration in their personal lives – that the station of being a parent is not relegated to simply your own offspring who possesses the same D.N.A. that you do.
You see, Rhonda was unable to have children for whatever particular medical reasons that existed, but that surely did not stop her for being a great nurturer to all those who needed her Mothering spirit and care.
While her womb may not have produced those who called her “Mother”, you couldn’t tell those kids that she wasn’t their Mother and would defend her with their life as need be if a situation came about that threatened her well being.
From newborns to college graduates, Rhonda did more for children and young adults than most Mothers could have handled as she did it from her heart and it actually made her forget the secret pain and yearning that she had to have children of her own flesh.
I’m saying all of that to say this, situations may not work out with your own children because of their taking the side of their Mother to fight her decades age old battles against you and ultimately lose out on something so rare and precious that they will discover that THEY needed but threw away so foolishly. But that should not stop you from having the satisfaction of being a Father to all who may need you out in a world that needs good men and the moral uprightness and divine wisdom that you have to offer.
And like my friend Rhonda Lewis, by you being so caught up in the action of fathering the masses with your individual abilities and talents, it will remove the pain that you have from not being able to man the throne of fatherhood to your own kids who are feeling the void of you not being there no matter how much their mother attempts to denounce you in their eyes.
Stand up! Dust off yourself and get out into the world and be that wonderful father that you know that you are deep down inside and one day your light will shine so bright and be so undeniable that your own children will figure out the truth and come running to you on that glorious day of reunion with you having the practice and experience of being at your best because you never stopped being a Father from within.
You wouldn’t believe the amount of men out here who have given up on life and are paralyzed with a guilt that is constantly pounded into their heads from a bitter woman who is angry that you’ve moved on with your life and might be living better than you ever have.
But the media never seems to represent that faction of the population and those of us who are caught in the quagmire of being good men who are labeled as bad father usually cave in from the pressure of having to prove oneself and deteriorating from within because they cannot display the superficial celebrations that the world expects of you to partake in.
Look, always keep your door opened to your children and let them always know that you love them dearly, but if they’re being brainwashed against you, you have to understand that all mothers have a great influence on their minds and will sometimes use that power to work against you to bring you pain.
Knowing this, you must righteously detach yourself from the games and preserve yourself for a better day that is surely to come instead of allowing the self pity, pain and depression to overtake all who you are to render you impotent to sharing your gifts to all who need them in the world.
This is demonic, it is non productive and it will not change the present situation immediately as you will cause yourself great harm and bad health if you run that painful reality over and over in your head like a broken record.
So break that evil stronghold that these control freaks attempt to have on your psyche with a positive action that will leave your feeling so much better about yourself, build your self esteem and make you a better man for the time when you do reunite with your children.
Know that God knows all and He will truly be overjoyed when you pick yourself up to water the dry soils in our communities of mothers who need a helping hand and male presence in their children’s lives to make her job a little easier in life.
So the next time a woman tries to convince you that you are a man who is good for nothing, you show her and the naysayers by your life’s walk that you are a man who is good for something!
Remember: Fatherhood is not merely limited to bloodline, for God the Father is Father to all and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be especially with all of the work that is there to do in our ailing communities!
Peace & Righteous Love Always,
Your Brother Who Loves Being a Father To All,