Emotional Scars Unseen

Let’s just start off by saying it this way: “We just don’t know WHAT
people out here in the world have on their mind and what they have
gone through.

It seems to me the more and more that I live life I am realizing that
most of us treat our emotional health as though we are tidying up a
room swiftly in anticipation of that all too nosy acquaintance who
caught you on the phone with a blocked number to tell you that they
are two blocks away from your home and they are stopping by. You found
yourself sweeping dirt under the rug, throwing out of place items in
the closets as well as returning the dirty dishes to their place in
the cabinets without washing them.


We, in our twisted emotional desires, work so hard to APPEAR as though
everything is okay but NEVER deal without the emotional residues that
have been swept under the cover of that ever convenient always
present “rug” of a Colgate smile!

I’ve often wondered why we as human beings do this, you see us
scrubbing the rims on our cars to a mirror like shine but the engine
of that same car hasn’t had its oil changed in years! You’ll  spend
hours on end in the beauty salon getting your hair “right” (Dear Lord!
That’s another blog!), but your home hasn’t been cleaned right in
months! And with so many of our imbalances and dysfunctions evident in
our lives, we will STILL give that superficial cookie cutter “in
stock” answer when someone asks how we are doing we look so stupid
when we say: “Everything is alright!”

But is it………?

We are the sum total of our unique personal experiences whether we
like it or not and until we can come to terms and understand how these
life events have shaped our collective psyche’s, we will NOT be able
to live a full life because the weight of our dysfunctions will always
prevent us from doing so.

Why is it so hard to take our attentions from the external and focus
on the healing of our internal beings? Imagine when people speak of
the God within, do they really believe this?


If so, you really don’t have any love for God of you force Him to deal
with those “other” strange residents in your heart that ALSO reside
“within” you!

Now allow me to get creative for a minute to prove a point. Also let
me state the obvious in that I KNOW that our God is much bigger than
our minuscule dysfunctions and has power over all but we cannot be
healed of the crap that we have inside until we COMPLETELY let Him in!

But back to the original point, what kind of love are you showing our
God if He lives within you if you also force Him to “bunk” with envy?
How about the fact that you profess His mighty name all day in public
but force Him to share that limited room in your heart with a hate for
YOUR fellow man that He happened to create?

Let me ask you, if you have a house guest over for the weekend at your
home, do you invite his enemies over too and expect him/her to feel
relaxed, comfortable and stress free for the time he/she is there?

More than that do you think that the same guest really wants to stay
after being put in such an awkward position?
Or will he or she count down the minutes until this “memorable” visit is
over because you were too inconsiderate to consider the needs and
feelings OF your guest?

Well if you CLAIM that our God resides in you then you must understand
the He told us that He is a JEALOUS GOD and you should have figured
out that it “ain’t” too cool to have this very powerful, omnipotent,
all seeing and all knowing “I am the Alpha and Omega” type of mighty
entity up in your heart while making Him share space with the very
things that He HATES!

He is not going to hang around TOO long if you continue to invite the
very entities that He abhors!!!!!

But you have Him “chillin” with the spirit of lust, envy, hate,
slothfulness and narcissistic self centered entities to name a few,
and you mean to tell me that God resides in you?

It doesn’t work like that and you are eventually going to have to
chose or simply just perish!

Stop lying like that! You can play that dumb ass religious game if you
want to…….to enable you to “cloak” the true residents that dwell
and thrive so abundantly in your heart but do know that I am not
afraid to call it as I see it!

To many of us hide behind the religious “shields” of a righteous
sounding talk because most won’t question or challenge the true
intentions behind the facade from the fear of some divine retaliation
from above but if truth be told this is what the hell we are here for!

To keep that crap n CHECK!

But the twisted thing about many of us is that we DO NOT want to PART
with our emotional issues that continue to leave us hurt and scarred
because we have settled for allowing those issues to define who we are
and “limit” our future life experiences.

How many times have we heard someone say at the proposition of a new
fresh and exciting relationship that “I’ve been hurt in the past!”
Well WHAT does that have to do with what is happening in your life
now?” Do you go to a new restaurant that prepares gourmet offerings and as the waiter runs down the list of offerings of the day you tell him that back in
elementary school many years ago the school lunch program gave you a
chicken sandwich that upset and hurt your stomach?

Get over it!

This new establishment that had to adhere to the strictest rules of the
Department of Health in order to open up for business is in no way
comparable to that gritty neighborhood elementary school lunch program
where the woman (Or man!) who prepared that sandwich probably coughed
and sneezed all over it without even thinking to wash their hands as
she fought off a bad bout of the flu!

But do you see how we can bring old baggage to new situations and many
times force our own selves to lose out on an experience that can be a
big plus to our lives?

Never allow that past negative happening take control over our lives
like that especially when it is something that is dead and gone!


The pain of old situations that we have endured can sting for a
while thereafter but we have to turn that negative happening into an
opportunity for growth and wisdom instead of a self imposed glass
ceiling that severely limits the joys that our Creator has for us in
this life.

Well how do we turn it around into an opportunity for growth you might
ask? Well, we have to be honest with ourselves and admit WHAT factors
did WE relinquish control over in that situation to allow it to get
out of hand the way it did against our favor. I’m not asking you to
blame yourself for the entire episode, but figure what part YOU could
have affected with a little more thought at those crucial moments.
This will require some very deep soul searching on your part. And let
me tell you from now that it won’t be easy at all! But, it must be
done if we are to move on and clear our emotional filters of the old
“gunk” that clogs our abilities to see the new beautiful realities for
what they really are!

If we fail to complete the self assessment and “sweep” the opportunity
for personal growth under the rug of denial, we will continue to allow
the past to take charge of our lives much like that proverbial high
school bully who lurks in the schoolyard and intimidates everyone in a
threatening manner to shake down the meek and nerdy schoolkids for the
lunch money given to them by their parents.

Well our God has given us the gift of live and like that nerdy kids
lunch money are you going to allow satan to use the past circumstances
in your life to “shake you down” mentally to give up something so
precious as your future because of the negative thoughts that are
continually whispered into your ear?

Fear is NOT from God!

And while no one has ever asked you to ever FORGET the trials and
tribulations that you have had to endure in your past and in your
particular very unique path, you MUST understand that it is a very
important part of your TESTIMONY but not the total sum of your IDENTITY!

Stop identifying and cursing your future with those emotional scars
from your past!


You met a new acquaintance that you know is a true friend for whatever
reasons, it’s not important in my example but this is where you are
finding yourself with him at this point in your life. You are quietly
overjoyed that you have this regular understanding and communication
with an attractive member of the opposite sex that has thus far been
respectful and proper, something that you find to be VERY REFRESHING
in this day and time in the shark infested waters of male/female
friendships and relationships.

You both haven’t mentioned it between
the both of you officially, but you KNOW he is feeling a little
something more than a friendship just as YOU are feeling the spark of
something that is definitely more. The extended gazes, the sadness
that comes when it is time to part and that overall feeling of being
infused with adrenaline when you know that a short bit of time will be
spent together, even if it is just to do your food shopping together
at the local WalMart after a brunch, the feeling is special and the
friendship itself is intact. You don’t want this messed up, so you
make sure to do everything that you feel is right.

You both make plans to go to Lowe’s to pick up two ceiling fans that
he said that he can install for you at your place.

What makes this friendly date (Remember, you are not officially dating! But you BOTH know you have a non verbal agreement of being somewhat exclusive. You know how it’s done! LOL!) a little different than the others is that he will be over to your place for the first time and what makes it so wonderful is that you KNOW that he is not expecting sex from you or anything more than to enjoy your company as he always has after he
does the favor of hanging up the ceiling fans for you.

Now, as the agreed upon time draws near and you find yourself becoming very excited, you just can’t help but notice that while you were fantasizing about finally having your friend over to your place that you lost track of the time and it is actually 25 minutes past the time that he was supposed to meet you there!

Oh no! It’s like a hot knife driving deep into your heart! The flashbacks hit you hard deep down in your subconscious mind, thoughts of being cheated on in past relationships (Even though this is just a friendship for now, you already know where it is going!) flood your brain at a rapid pace, thoughts of loneliness, thoughts of rejection, thoughts of that cold dark place in your heart that you NEVER want to visit again. That place that brings you labored breathing and buffers all joy around you from permeating your tortured soul because when you are there NO ONE can comprehend what you are feeling! The ULTIMATE hell on earth!

You are ready to give up, ready to throw in the towel. Those words that you thought you would never say again return like a long lost nightmare that you just knew you outgrew…..

Under your breath they flow effortlessly…….

I knew I shouldn’t have started to feel this way……

I am never going to have a friend that won’t hurt me every time……

All my life men have taken advantage of me and left me hurt…….

It’s the story of my life……..

Like a bad meal that hours later begins to come up undigested, our issues that were left without a sense of closure and understanding reappear just as vibrant as they were in your past and now it is up to you to grab them by the collar, deal with them once and for all and CLAIM your new life and never allow these demons to ruin your new God given reality!

Just as soon as you remember this you are greeted by your very late friend who expressed concern over you because while he was calling you to alert you to the fact that he was going to be late, your phone was on vibrate deep in your handbag where it was impossible to hear.

And lo and behold just as fast as you pulled your cellphone out of the bag you see on your phone’s screen three missed calls and three voice mails all from him! And now you realize the reason that he was late was because he was busy picking you up a fresh batch of beautiful roses for your place as he plants a kiss on your cheek that allows the side of his lips to touch yours unexpectedly!

How wonderful life is…………………..!

But imagine if you allowed those negative emotions and thoughts to dominate your mind to tell him to never come around to see you again just like you had PLANNED on doing!

Meditate and gain a sense of closure and LEARN from your past misjudgments!

It’s the ONLY way our emotional scars will EVER heal and lose their toxic serpent like grip on our lives!

Contact Lance Scurvin At [email protected]

Text or Call Direct: 407-590-0755

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May 10, 2011 4:19 AM

I agree with you whole heartedly Lance… see.. i once read an article on something similar.. many years ago,,. and a col of things that were mentioned in this article is that both men and women ( cos men do it too) take into their NEW relationship.. the baggage that is left over from their last one and the one before and the one before etc etc… How can ANYONE possibly expect ANY relationship/ romance work if this is going to happen..

You cannot expect your "current" or "future" partners to dig themsnelves out of a hole someone in you past dug for them… you canot tar that person with the same brush as the brush the man in ur last relationship is tarred with.. he/ she is not that person.. they are a seperate entity all together…

Do yourselves a favour… when you get out of a relationship that went bad.. take the time to FIND YOURSELF again.. take time out for yourself as a person.. Heal.. accept and learn from what inm the world just happened in your life at that particular moment in time..

Your new partner shudnt have to try to get themselves out of the mile deep hole his predecessor dug… he shouldn't have to earn the trust from you that someone else broke… you should be leaving your baggage exactly where it should be left.. IN YOUR PAST!!!

SO WAT IF THEY TURN OUT JUST LIKE UR EX or in some cases WORSE.. that tells me that your not listening to your soul and you entered the relationship for all the wrong reasons.. or ask yourself.. what exactly did you expect? what was it you EXPECTED from that new partner.. cos i tell you one thing I learned over time.. when you EXPECT ANYTHING from ANYONE.. relationship wise or not.. then you immediately set yourself up for faliure… in an instant.. NEVER EXPECT anything from anyone.. just "BE"… just accept.. love love love love love and live in the knowing then when you can fall in love with YOURSELF.. yes YOURSELF.. then and only then can you begin to fall in love with life.. life will fall in love with you and THEN.. GOD WILL SEND YOU YOUR PARTNER…




April 30, 2011 12:24 PM

In law we find out when a person isnt in their right mine and commits a crime that they plead insanity. That means you cant hold them accountable for what they did because their mind wasnt in tact. The easiest way for me to learn to forgive is see everyone that has ever hurted me as insane meaning I am not going to hate you for the simple fact you didnt have control over your own mind

but rather the enemy and my ander is not with you but rather with the one who has control over you the Devil.

besides if I let you get to me that puts you in a place where your between me and God meaning your closer to God then I am and I cant afford for that to happen baby. letting go isnt easy but it is neccesary.

April 25, 2010 4:30 PM

so fresh & so healing…what more can i say!
This is psychotherapy!

Ava Sharee Cain-White
Ava Sharee Cain-White
April 24, 2010 7:28 PM

It is as if everything that I have ever felt was just summed up and everything that I have experienced was just summed up too only that he never showed up nor was he concerned. You are so on when you say cut the crap out. Reading all of that sent me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and now that the ride is over there are no tears, the heart is not pounding out of my chest and my pulse isn’t racing nor is my blood pressure going up yet what I can say is those days are gone never to return again.

April 24, 2010 7:02 PM

What you said in this piece is true and insightful. I sometimes find myself doing this and give myself a mental shake to get out of this mood. Again great job of once again making us stop, think and reevaluate.

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