Most will go on to say that it is usually the mans fault because he was either found to have a deep relationship with another woman close to their inner circle to whom she may have had knowledge of or he had multiple flings with stray women that he never rally knew and it put her health as a wife at risk and she just couldn’t tolerate the thought after being violated so severely.
But in an unofficial poll that I have taken in my travels it seems to be an acceptable notion that it;s usually the fault of the man.
Most of the women that I spoke to informally cried for this theoretical mans blood and said that after hurting his wife so brazenly that he deserves to be taken to the bank and that everything they owned together for the most part should be retained by the Wife after all the dust settles.
These days both Husbands and Wives have many opportunities to indulge themselves in discreet encounters for the most part under the radar to the naked eye.
But at the same time because of the technological advances in the ultra private methods of electronic communications any advantage that the alleged cheater has is nullified by those same advances as one would have to always look over their shoulder in an attempt to thwart off the legion of camera phones that are in possession of those who are in love with the drama caused at another’s expense after posting them up on social media sites such as Facebook.
A lot has been revealed about the indiscretions long hidden between married couples and couples who are supposed to be in committed relationships but after the public display of shame and the laughs derived from such a circus of a love gone wrong have settled, there is an immeasurable pain that will linger within the hearts of the innocent victim and the mate who lacked control and this is where I want to go with this blog article today.
Now let me expand on a point to say that not all divorces are caused because of a cheating spouse. Some are noble and upstanding enough to end a marriage before cheating and would rather have the dignity of stating that they would never cheat on their mate while still attached. But not everyone possesses such a pristine character to be as honest as to face the real issues in their dead marriage/relationship and dissolve it with some modicum of dignity.
Other divorces can be caused by none of the above as you can have two faithful partners where one doesn’t have the control over their spending and has a tendency to upset the delicate financial balance of a household by losing the ability to execute a little common sense when walking through the shopping mall with a pocket full of credit cards that have a lot of money on them to tempt even the tightest of all spendthrifts.
Money has a lot to do with divorce and the change of lifestyle that can transpire when one causes a household to go into a free fall because of the lack of a common sense approach toward all things financial and can be just as devastating as finding your loved one in bed in the arms (Or loins) of another.
Childhood violations suffered by either side in the relationship can cause a ripple effect and a myriad of other problems from the lack of communication that happens when one has been traumatized as a child and freezes up at the time when intimacies seem to be the order of the evening.
I’ve found that in marriages we have brought so much baggage into the union that we thought just might vanish into thin air once we found ourselves in a new situation only to find that the issues have compounded even more when you get a peek into the issues of your spouse that were never mentioned until you we securely locked into the position of “legal spouse.”
we claim to be honest and open but if we were truly that way the divorce lawyers wouldn’t be getting paid as frequently and as much as they are and the divorce court judges wouldn’t be so overworked and cranky as THEY are!
I mean, why can’t we be truly honest about who we are in our marriages even BEFORE we get married?
This is why so many are having major problems in their marriages and are “grinning and bearing it” for the sake of an outside show but are not having their needs truly met within reason by their spouse.
Now I am not saying that it’s the spouses fault for not meeting those needs, I am saying that many times the spouse never really knew what the issue was until it was too late because their partner never communicated to them what the needs really were. So they got married under false pretenses because the person that they thought that they were marrying never truly existed.
How many of us got caught up in ANY relationship that was doomed in hindsight because we got caught up in the manipulation of our ideals? The predatory emotional vampires had THEIR reason for being with you and sadly you found out that those reasons were far different than the reasons why YOU got married to them.
Divorce court and the divorce proceedings is the time when you really find out what those reasons were and usually when you do you feel like a fool and very embarrassed to say the least.
So as you can see, there are so many reasons why two people can end up with a marriage on the rocks and with so many variables held within a person known and unknown, finding out the truth about who you’re committing to is a thing that usually doesn’t come out until it’s too late.
But nevertheless regardless as to WHO was wrong, who was caught cheating or who was guilty of not getting their mental/emotional/spiritual house in order before the matrimonial vows were shared and stated, the fact of the matter is that there is a lot of pain that comes with divorce when both parties really felt from the beginning that this was going to last forever.
Sure, we can grow apart from each other and get complacent but when you see how cold-hearted and impersonal the whole process of dissolving as marriage can be with the lawyers and the courts, it is surely one of the disheartening situations that one can find themselves in because it is a pain that can’t be avoided!
I want us to think about a segment of the population that doesn’t seem to get a fair shake in the divorce proceedings, and that is the “good men” out here who really want to make their marriages work but are punished because of the stigma of the bad guys who never took their marriages seriously in the first place.
There are a countless amount of good men who do not want to divorce and desire to work hard to make things work between him and his distressed spouse.
I’m online a lot because of my blogging activities and I have to say that I speak to a tremendous amount of good men in pain who sometimes just can’t understand why their spouses are divorcing them as the reasons just don’t add up.
This is why I will always say that one must take their time to figure out of this is the person that is meant to be their lifelong partner because the sad reality of finding out that it is not is a slow burn type of torture that causes a man to feel so many various kinds of painful emotions that have driven many over the edge never to return to the world of all those who are sane!
The macho tough image that are forced on most men in the media and absorbed by the masses as reality really hurts us when we go through a divorce.
Why is it that many feel that WE as men don’t hurt just as much as our female counterparts that are going through the same thing?
My message to all of my Brothers going through a rough divorce no matter what color, religion or background you are, is that you should know that this pain is NOT going to last forever. But depending on your unique set of circumstances I will say that it is not going to be easy and it will take time.
Allow me to share my own personally analogy that helps to keep me in the proper mindset and perspective when going through those rough and challenging times that are unfortunately a part of life…….
“Never ever believe that the sun stopped shining in your life merely because of clouds that are temporarily blocking your view. More or less it is just a matter of time before those loving rays will shine down upon you once again.”
…….you have to believe this if you are to get through a rough divorce. Of course it is easier said than done and I can say that I speak from experience. Is there life after divorce? OF COURSE! But you have to hold on and truly believe that the best is yet to come!
To be honest your world will be rocked. But what you must also understand is that life is long and you will recuperate emotionally, mentally, financially and on all levels only after a period of detachment from your present world in order to cultivate your inner strength for your new life after the divorce.
Know that there IS a wonderful life out there for you one day and that this tortuous time in your life will one day become a distant memory whose mere thought will cause that new life to taste even sweeter because of the experience of knowing how low ones life can go.
The main issue here is to never give up and never give into the slurs and the putdowns that are sure to come your way from that soon to be wife and her friends and family. Understand that in a nasty divorce the general consensus of the opposition is to leave you so damaged that you can’t function enough to begin a new life once again.
So while it may feel for a long time that you can’t, by no means should you ever feed into believing this! I am living proof of this and am enjoying life more now than ever before. Just hold on! In most cases your comeback may take years but on that day that you will realize that the storm is over and what a joyous day that will be!
So while the world may feel that the divorce scenario will always be for the same old reasons and no matter what your reason may be for being in this uncomfortable position but always know that how YOU deal with it determines how everything will end up!
Good or bad, whichever way your life turns out it all depends upon YOU!