If you hang around someone who is sick long enough you will begin to take on that sickness sometimes even more intensely than the person who gave it to you in the first place!
I have personally encountered situations where I have met a person who was knotted to the core with unresolved issues spanning decades and with kind intentions attempted to delve into their mind and in their world in a loving manner to help them come out of the weight of those issues and were blamed for being the one who made THEM possess their issues even though they were there DECADES in their lives long before they even knew me!
I've heard about extreme denial up until that point in my life and even dealt with a few people who had minor dealings with it but never had I been blamed for traumatic events in someones life long before I was in their midst.
If the planets line up just right it can even be worse!
I've experienced being the scapegoat in situations where entire families have seemed to blame me for their pains down through the years because I refused to take their dysfunctional outlook on the life events that have been painful for them.
This can happen in friendships, acquaintances in the workplace, romantic liaisons and the worst kind of all....in a marriage!
But while some situations can be healed if the parties involved WANT to be healed then things can eventually work themselves out but when you have a group of individuals with co dependencies that do not want help then you better be ready to spend not only years but the rest of your LIFE trying to take the knots out of the yarn that has become their life.
Is it worth it?
The answer to that question really depends on how intense the feeling of love is for that person. It's just a shame that love can blind an individual to the point where they just can't see the red flags that are screaming for attention to be seen when a situation is new and the feeling of bliss is so strong.
But knowing what I know now I would have to say that the absolute best thing to do is to cut your losses, plan your escape, pack yo' bags, do like Kunte' Kinte' and RUNNNNN!!!!!!
But you were not placed on this beautiful earth by a wonderful Creator to be a sponge for ANYONE'S neglected issues and I KNOW someone out here understands exactly what I am trying to impart!
It seems as though we are the only species of animal who won't practice the basic instinct of self preservation when the going gets rough. I don't mean this in a physical sense, but I mean it in the sense of the matters of the heart. The funny thing about the phenomenon is that even though the stresses of the matters of the heart can visibly go undetected to the naked eye, it can and will be a very much physical when the results of those very stresses manifest themselves in the form of high blood pressure, heart attacks, nervous breakdowns, going Postal as well as a multitude of other ailments!
So if running is cruel then what would it be labeled to STAY in such a life sapping situation?
If we drove our vehicles on the road as dysfunctionally as we live our lives, there would be wrecks on every street because we tried to live by our own rules every single day and would immediately pay the price for it. It's just not as obvious when you have a mother who wears an outward grin on her face as though she just hit the lottery for 26 million dollars and tells you that everything is doing JUST FINE as she struggles with a menace of a psycho daughter who just gave birth to a child at 17 and dropped out of school in a miscalculated risk that she thought would buy her more time to sit on her ass in front of the television masturbating the remote but is raising hell when the grand plan backfired and blew up in her face! This same degenerate offspring even set her own mother's house up to be robbed unsuccessfully and was walking around on pins and needles until the court case was over from the fear of her involvement being exposed! But everyone involved ran their mouths and now the whole world knows even though it was obvious all the while to me. Whatever happened to the youngsters who would defend and protect their mother at any cost? Now it seems if you don't let these mental cases have their way they might threaten your very life to get what they want!
As you can see, it takes a LOT MORE than keeping a roof over a child's head with four square meals a day and a bed to raise them properly.
But try and speak to that same mother about the root of the problem and you just might get yelled at for "starting trouble!"
So nobody talks as the tensions mount while we keep a smile on our faces.
I've found this to be a constant companion to those families who deal with the major issues in their lives.
Here are three surefire traits of those emotionally imprisoned in a dysfunctional mess:
THEY DON'T ASK about those forbidden family secrets......
THEY DON'T FEEL anything as the shut down emotionally as though their feeling don't exist.......
THEY DON'T TALK about how they feel and never express ANY of their discomforts outwardly.......
They tip toe around those sensitive issues that choke the joy out of their lives as though it will go away and disappear if "we act like it just doesn't exist!"
Major family issues that are ignored are like those foreclosure warning notices that keep coming even though you refuse to check the mailbox or answer the phone to retreat to just "another day" of escapism on the couch watching your favorite television program even though you can't really enjoy it because every other thought is about trying to postpone the inevitable.
I've seen some things that truly baffle the imagination and I am sure if you've lived enough of this life you have too!
I'll share a few of those later.......
Be very careful when you begin to get close to anyone that hasn't had their spirit tested by you. Also, know that periodic "spirit checks" are mandatory for those who ARE in your trusted inner circle. If they are a true blue entity in your life, they shouldn't be angry that you would do this even though they wouldn't have a clue anyway when you do.
Why I say this is that we as human beings can be like sponges to the many positive and negative stimuli in our paths and can pick up many foreign spiritual influences that average out who we have become unknowingly to us.
This is why we have to always make sure that our spiritual atmosphere is always clear like an federal airport security agent who checks for terrorists.
When you see this type of mass denial in a family it just didn't happen overnight. Why should one be surprised when the children act out in strange ways when the elders of that clan have set the rhythm and tone for the whole family to follow?
The sins of the father.......?
I've witnessed grown daughters in that are now grandmothers who have been raped as little girls that were petrified to speak about what happened to them in single digit ages because they just didn't want to start any trouble or bring harm to that family member to whom is guilty of that violation!
Start any trouble?
You are supposed to raise PURE HELL!
And what kind of "mother" did SHE have that she couldn't run to her to tell her what happened? What kind of mother did SHE have that let her little girl out of sight long enough for this to even transpire? And last but not least, what type of ship was that mother running where ANY man, especially a COUSIN, would have the confidence to feel as though he could get away with such a wicked desire?
But as sick as it is to even mention, it is not hard for a mother to raise a child that is intimidated to speak when that mother is cold, distant and not very affectionate even though outwardly she appears to the world as a sincere warrior for the "Lord" as she never misses a service and can quote scripture with the best of them!
To make matters worse she has a reputation as a whispering seducing spirit that attempts to pit family members against one another very subtly in a manner that would benefit her in some way down the line.
Some mother. Praise the Lord.
I have found that the many of the children who grew up in such a "pressure cooker" type atmosphere of denial usually go on to become outwardly successful and highly praised by their peers for achieving that success not knowing that they have worked so hard because they were trying to distance themselves from the secrets held within, low self esteem and their tortured past. Not everyone, but many. Some will react to growing up in such an environment in different ways as there are so many variables internally and externally that can turn up later on in life so their subsequent reactions are not written in stone.
Here I am speaking on a particular type......
When it seems as though you may be planning on spending more time with any person, whether it's merely a friendship or a courtship, you must always tread carefully at first and never ignore the danger signs of dysfunction because your happiness down the line may be in dire jeopardy!
Observe how your new found friend/love interest reacts with their family. To see family members greet each other while visiting and never see them embrace is a sure sign of an abnormal distance, not only on this manner but in all instances. If they can't show love to those who have the same blood coursing through their veins how do you think they will treat you down the line after the "novelty" of you has worn off?
Observe how they show affection and while many will say that there are many ways to show affection everyone must have SOME way and need to express it and when you witness a great distance in a family by the
way they act toward each other that is a sure sign of a painful undercurrent that hasn't been dealt with.
Know if you plan on dealing with this individual as far as marriage is concerned, then you must URGE them to get professional help in the form of counseling! Why? Because if you don't, then these issues that you may feel are compartmentalized only to his or her side of the family will only "spill over" into your life as you just might find yourself scapegoated on issues that were preexisting LONG before your appeared on the scene! And know that these dilemma's will flow down with each subsequent generation and if you plan on having children with this person PLEASE do NOT think that you can stop this generational curse from affecting your children all by yourself!
Love IS blind but PLEASE don't let it blind you to the point were you will be steeped in someone else's emotional garbage that they refuse to discard of out of a huge sense of denial.
You deserve so much better in this life than that. Take the time to find someone else whose emotional "filters" are clean if your present interest doesn't want to do anything to improve their mental health. Believe me, there are many in the crazy house who have lost their sanity because of somebody else's mess.
Don't be one of them!