The Joys And Pains ...
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The Joys And Pains Of Being A Good Mother........

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Joined: 12 years ago

Merely producing a child doesn't make one a good mother. So
understanding that as I share these thoughts on motherhood it is NOT
for everyone because so many times I see these irresponsible hoochie's
who feel because they screwed around and mixed their crotch sauce with
a randomly chosen thug that merely pushing out another mouth to feed
is an accomplishment of great magnitude.

And while the child born under those unfavorable conditions is
innocent and didn't ask to be here, I would never look at that baby
any less than a child born under circumstances that were more edifying.

We are all human and people can change to become more responsible as a
result of their personal growth.......

I had to get that clear because their are real mothers out here
fighting for their children's quality of life that are NOT getting the
acknowledgment that they should be getting at all!

THESE women don't give a damn about a hair style or throwing precious
money away on an appointment with a manicurist.

They don't care who is going to be at the party because they are too
busy getting ready for work that night.

And while the hood rat mentality having chicks are coming home at
daybreak complaining how tired they are from a night of drinking,
smoking and screwing, the good mother comes home at the same time
after working all night long on her feet never to complain about the
overwhelming fatigue in her body as she quickly returns home to cook
her children the most wonderful breakfast before leaving once again to
go to the laundromat if she doesn't (Many don't) have the luxury of a
washer and dryer at home.......

Who are they you say and where are they?

Well if you look around you will see them all over the place, in every
city across this nation and in every corner of the world! They are as
vast as the population of our planet and have been with us for as long
as we had recorded history!

Yes! They are everywhere! But because of the never ending tasks
involved with being a good mother, most fly below the radar undetected
unless you really look hard enough.......

And while I acknowledge the good mothers all over the world, I am
going to speak of those that I see within my midst on a cultural level
but not matter the background or upbringing, the basic premise is all
the same for these good women who are the true unsung heroes of the

For every war that is declared we will always rightfully rush to
acknowledge the fallen warriors and the sacrifices made in their
personal lives for our protection and freedom but what of that wife at
home who loses a husband and father to her young child and must carry
on silently after the fanfare is long over? Amplify the pain when it
is an unborn child who loses their father to war.

It doesn't just have to be a wartime situation for a mother to feel
that wretched pain in her heart while carrying a baby. It can
originate from a vast array of circumstances in this life, but
whatever the source of this mind/body/soul wrenching pain, these women
who are the true pillars of strength still find the spiritual
resources deep within themselves to provide for their children!

And it is to YOU, the good mothers of the world, to whom I take my hat
off too and acknowledge from the mountaintops, unrestrained in my
loudest voice for the whole entire world to hear!!!!!!!

Allow me to start from what I know a good mother to be, MY mother,
Mrs. Ocie Johnson-Scurvin, who after her transition on April 28th,
1994, left a mighty legacy that surpassed her graduation from the
Julliard School of Music and all of the performances that I loved to
experience as a child in not only the countless concerts and volunteer
work for good causes with her voice, but exceeded anything on that
level when I witnessed the huge and powerful tsunami of deeds spoken
through the words and mailings of those all over the world of how she
gave of herself to comfort others in their times of need!

Yes, not even I knew how much she reached out and never once did she announce a good deed publicly for her own self promotion. But as I read letter after letter, received phone call after phone call, I began to truly understand the depth of Godly love and divine caring that she carried DEEP in her heart!

You know, it just never dawns on you who everyone is around you when you are growing up. We take so many things for granted and we take the precious individuals that God has blessed us with for granted and I just wish my Mother was here right now to see how I too, in my own little way, am manifesting the talents that she and my Father groomed me to use that God has given me to make the world a better place. She always told me:"Lancey (One of my nicknames to differentiate me from my Father who had the same exact name.), your talent is in your hands and your unique way of motivating and communicating with others." I never knew what she really meant, I just thought that she just meant that I drew really well but now I can see that she saw so much more than that.

Excuse me from going off point but I just had to share that. But in my ramble I want to share something that has been in my heart for the last few weeks and I KNOW someone will get this directly. To all of you Mothers who are having a rough time with your child or children in a rebellious, disrespectful and hurtful manner, KNOW WHEN TO CUT THE EMOTIONAL TIES!!!!!!!

Being a good mother does NOT mean that you have to be an emotional pin cushion or an abused doormat of guilt to be walked on constantly by your children! Sure, you love them, care for them and have ALWAYS cared for them but DO NOT make the mistake of getting into the habit of taking punishment from them which allows you to be worn down and hurting from their very hurtful words!

YOU know in your heart that you are a good mother and YES you may not have always done things perfectly but WHO walks THIS earth in a perfect manner other than JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF? Are YOU Jesus? NO! Then do not fell guilty because in your personal growth as a human being and as a mother if you have made mistakes and misjudgments along the way. EVERYONE DOES!

So when your kids run down the hurtful laundry list of your past misjudgments (That in actuality they do not have the wisdom to understand the total circumstances of that complicated time period in your life ANYWAY!) in order to CONTROL you and MANIPULATE you to do THEIR bidding then you must let them know right on the spot that if they do not approve of being under that roof that YOU have flawlessly maintained over their little arrogant "entitled" behinds then they need to make arrangements to do otherwise by getting OUT and do BETTER!

If they do not approve of the clothes that you have struggled and sacrificed to put on THEIR BACKS then tell them directly to GO EARN the money to do their OWN shopping sprees only after paying their own mortgage/rent, electric bill, food bill, phone bill, car note, car insurance, cable bill, heath insurance costs and personal items.......



Will they even after paying all of that even CARE about the latest fashions and keeping up with what their friends are wearing? I think NOT! Heck, after a hard days work half of these ungrateful teenagers will be glad to NOT have to walk the street naked if they knew how tough things are out here in the world and the constant tensions that many of us MUST walk with as a constant companion even more so than the companion that you are SUPPOSED to have that either skipped out on you or are not doing as THEY should.

That sounds like another "Scurv" blog to me! LOL!

Put your foot down ladies! Put your foot down and DEMAND the respect that not only you deserve, but a respect that YOU HAVE EARNED! DO NOT become one of these mothers who are browbeaten by their kids because they are trying to "make up" what the father didn't stick around and do for them! Yes, there will be SOME things that you can make up to a point for you children but do know that if there is any blame to be dished out it should be to that absent "MAN-BOY" who left his divine post and all the responsibilities therein leaving YOU to pick up the slack! So DON'T internalize HIS guilt, pray to YOUR Heavenly Father for the guidance and peace of mind in your life after doing all that you have done for those brats!

It's bad enough that you've had to endure the pain of their father's foolishness, but now you have to take a double beating from them too? NOOOOO! Now let me say that what I am speaking about may NOT pertain to everyone reading this but I am typing freely and allowing these words to flow and know that it is meant for someone out here reading. Kudos to those children who are obedient to their Mother and I take my hats off to those Fathers who have endured through the fire of this world and manned their divine post! Trust me, for those who DON'T know, it "ain't" easy............

So cease this never twisted dance that will waltz you right into your casket! After a time, YOU are to switch your role as a parent to your children and become an "adviser". You never can slashed those feelings to jump in and "do it for them" but you have to allow them to take their lumps in this life comparable in a way to that child who receives a brand new bike as a gift and is ready to remove the training wheels from it.....
He or she WILL take a fall every now and again but MUST go through the slight bruises in order to be motivated to avoid the cut knees and master their balance as a growing experience!

To give in to the feeling to do everything for your child will actually handicap them for life! Then when it is time for you to remove them from their comfort zone they will revolt and rebel against YOU when you seek to help them to stand on their own two feet! This is the point when you have to let go of the manipulations and realize that while you ARE their mother and always will be, that God himself still gave YOU a life that is to be enjoyed and THAT sweetest part of your life is NOT to be forfeited in order to enable another who doesn't want to go through the divine processes that are mandatory for EVERY human being to go through in this world!

Also I want you to realize that in every bunch there will be at least one that just won't listen! Let THEM feel the weight of their mistakes! If they want to behave in a manner that is AGAINST the good teachings that you have laid down night after night, year after year to them, then let YOUR words resonate in their mind as they sit there for countless hours in a cold, dark prison cell!

The point that I am trying to make is that while they are your kids and will always have a special connection to you for the rest of your life, there IS a point where you end and they begin. What I mean by this is that after a time, they have the capacity to reason, to think, to crave and to desire what they want in their OWN lives. And they will do what THEY want to do regardless as to how much we agree or disagree. All we can do is to hope that we have immersed them in enough of the good so that when they go OUT into the world with its countless temptations, that they make the right decisions that would be pleasing to us as parents.

That's really all we can do.........

Do not beat yourself over the head because of their choices. Do not try to figure it out or make sense of it all, every generation has their own way of doing things but one thing that you must know for sure is that while fads and gimmicks will come and go, PRINCIPLES NEVER DIE! And if you have taken the years to instill the proper and just principles within your offspring, take heed and comfort in knowing that they will ALWAYS have something of substance to come home to and if they choose to live wrong then YOU can sleep well at night because YOU have done what YOU were supposed to!

Case closed.

So know this Good Mother, that as long as YOU did what God has lead YOU to do in your choices as a Good Mother, then you must ALWAYS hold your head high as the representative of that Godly love that your positioning required you to manifest. Let NO ONE from outside and abroad, judge you ignorantly because THEY have not walked in your shoes, THEY have not felt the hunger in your belly that you have chosen to endure willingly as a sacrifice because there wasn't enough food to go around, so guess who didn't eat? YOU! Do the naysayers know this? NO! But they can run their mouth as though they were there every step of the way but they know NOTHING of your struggle!

So when your children say that you haven't done enough, when they scorn you as the worst mother in the world because they cannot have their way, when they compare you to others who couldn't even measure up to you in ANY category, know that God has his tally of your struggles, God knows the things that others don't want to hear when you try to talk to them and God in the end will undo all wrongs against you and make the pain vanish.......

This is what our God knows because out of ALL of the jobs out here in the world that one can undertake, whether it be a police officer, scientist, lawyer, pediatrician, preacher or cleaning matter WHAT you can think up, there is NO OTHER position more difficult and more important that has MORE of a ripple effect to the very foundation of our society, it's people and the ENTIRE WORLD more so than the position of humbly being...

........A GOOD MOTHER!

Never forget that!

Someone needs to know this, and if not you then someone you know!

Share these words with them......

Sooth their soul with them and please let them know that everything is going to be alright!

Someone VERY powerful and all knowing told me to tell you that!

Good night!


The Intruders - I'll Always Love My Mama

3 Replies
Posts: 1
Joined: 12 years ago

A Good mother is an excitement and enticement and a growth. It is the possibilty that haunts and delights the young girl as she grows to womanhood. It is a part of the fantasy, both her longing for it and her fear of it. The months of pregnancy highlight all the richness of the remembered and internalized experience about mothering. The birth itself brings forth the baby, until now a fantasy, into reality. This real baby is a constant changing, crying, knowing being, and for me the delight of this experience has been one of the most important parts of a woman life is to be a GOOD MOTHER TO HER CHILD

Posts: 2
Joined: 12 years ago

thank you lance... for acknowledments of a good mother... ive learned that the creation of a child whithin its self, is a miriacle. how difficult it is to concive,and how precious it is when a woman is carring a life form within her....for the 9 1/2 months while the child grows,and moves within her, is trully a beautiful thing. A good mother already understands that it is a special event taking place, and when the child is being born,through all the pain,life is pass through her,and into the world. The true journey begins, she becomes a teacher,mentor,mother,provider,she takes on all the fears, tears,pain,strain,security and all for the proper growth of this, entity... her child and she dosent take this lightly. she does it with grace, dignity,and respect. THIS IS THE CLOSEST THING TO GOD!!!!! THE "PAIN" OF CREATION,along with the "PERFECTION" BROUGHT FORTH,WITH "LOVE" FOR HER CHILD,AND THE "SACRAFICE" SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO "ENDURE",TO SEE THE PROPER GROWTH OF HER GIFT THAT WAS BESTOWED UPON HER.

Posts: 4
Joined: 9 years ago

Thank q, Lance...