Gentlemen: Understand That It’s Not Always About Sex-Sometimes She Just Needs To Be Held

Have you ever sat down to your computer to take care of some business, something kind of routine maybe, like paying your bills online and then you find yourself hours later still surfing YouTube having gotten nothing accomplished? LOL!

Don’t feel bad, as you can see, you are not the only one that this has happened to. And to tell the honest truth, this happens to me quite frequently. I love videos. Not the variety of random foolishness that is posted up that usually gets forwarded to you over and over until you don’t even bother to open it up anymore. Not those kind. The kind I am talking about is the type that have meaning. A song that reminds you of someone special to whom you haven’t spoken to in ages or a movie clip that reminds you of the time that you and a friend cracked up laughing together uncontrollably which made that “part” of the movie a comical entity all unto itself for the both of you, joining your subconscious minds together forever in a way that just might transcend death itself.

Those are the powerful connections that make life worth it. I mean, we all are in this rat race together on some level or another, isn’t it nice to have those wonderful memories of the classic times in your life? What could beat those deep thoughts, that are so good such as when you hear a special song that you haven’t heard of in a long time that can almost bring you to tears while sitting in your car, taking you away to a different place until reality abruptly interrupts you by the loud honking of the car behind you making you realize that the light was green a bit too long?

Deep stuff.

I found myself tonight in the same position except I am at home, safe and in front of my keyboard with the difference being that after playing a few videos from around ten years ago I began to think of where my life was then in comparison to now. And BOY! I have to tell you, NEVER could I have imagined or anticipated the CRAZY twists and turns that it was to take unexpectedly. Such is life I guess and this is why hindsight is 20/20. It’s so much easier to look back and “understand” WHY things happened than when you are actually IN that situation.

When you are in a situation you don’t even realize how foolish certain actions or decisions are until you look back on it with a few more gray hairs and a bit more wisdom. Imagine being shown a videoclip of you if you were running for your life if you were on fire and desperately looking for a place to douse the flames, it isn’t a funny situation at all especially at that particular moment but if shown that same clip years later after everything turned out just fine you MIGHT be tempted to laugh at yourself. Okay, maybe just a little.

But you know what?

God brought you through it and hopefully you would have learned a thing or two so that you just don’t make the same mistake twice. But with a few of us this is not always the case. I know that I have tempted fate quite a bit and knew better but just had to taste that forbidden fruit. Is it weakness? Or just downright stupidity? I couldn’t tell you at the moment but maybe in a few years with a few MORE gray hairs and a whole LOT of wisdom I can give you a detailed report, but until then…….

We must understand that while the present may not always make sense to us that one day soon it will. It’s like putting together some cheap melamine office furniture together for the first time. You didn’t have the instructions and you never went down that road so you were so slow and careful trying to get it right. Now only after taking the time to learn where everything went as well as making a few minor mistakes, you know this thing so well that you’ll even volunteer to help a friend put theirs together and you won’t even need the instructions to do so!

This is why we always need to heed the words of our Elders, because they don’t need the “instructions” to put life’s “table” together anymore as they have completed the task countless times in their life and know it well. So you see, when they observe you in a personal situation they already know what is coming for you down the road more so than you have the ability to comprehend it. And sure, you “in your foolishness” will disregard the wisdom shared as stupidity because you have not the range to absorb the fact that this old, tired and gray person was a hot lookin’ young thang like you are now and knows the ropes probably more than you ever will.

Truth. It’s can be quite a bitter pill to swallow sometimes but the earlier we learn to listen is the easier we will make life for ourselves.

But how does the saying go? A hard head makes a soft behind? I remember my Mother, God rest her soul, always used to say that and now I know exactly what she meant! LOL! Between her and I it was always more of a joke and she would point at me in a funny manner while she said it and flare her eyes wide open for the effect…….but in all seriousness, that saying will stand in truth for an eternity.

But the wisdom that is shunned by us when we are young is the same counsel that we seek as we get older and try to get a grip on the overwhelming situations that life can leave at our doorsteps without notice and without even ringing the bell to let us know that it’s there. I remember when I was a teenager hearing the older gentlemen in the barbershop speak about women and the complexities of maintaining a relationship. I would always hang on to their every word and remember what they said so that I can later dissect the truth into smaller more mentally digestible pieces so that I could benefit from it on a smaller scale on my younger level but one of the things that I could remember the oldest man saying is that it’s not always about the sex, that sometimes a woman just needs to be held.

I do totally understand at this point in my life now what that old faceless man meant ten times over when he told everyone in that old barbershop that. But isn’t it funny that most of us men must take the standing eight count first in the romance department before we can truly absorb this? Some of us are lucky but that number is in the minority so I will tell you not to take the chance in breaking a woman’s heart because it is never worth it in the end. But this advice will fall on deaf ears as always because as men we are so caught up in the power and intense sensations felt from that uncontrollable little toy that we carry between our legs named penis.

Yes, I am telling it. Because it is quite evident that most are caught up in its magic powers. The intoxicating feelings that are received straight to our brains whether we stimulate it ourselves (But always deny ever doing!) or the downright hypnotic spell cast over the female population as we foolishly spray our seed so freely across the diaspora. God said be fruitful and multiply but DEAR LORD He didn’t mean for us to try and fertilize every woman on the planet!

And that is where the problems manifest, because we feel that if WE are caught up in that little piece of flesh that everyone else must be caught up in it too but do you realize fool that every man has one of those too? Some bigger, some smaller, some cut and some uncircumcised. Some with big heads and some veiny. The purpose that God gave them to us is all the same and most women who know the deal about life and the notorious penis will quickly tell you “been there done that!”

So what is it that makes a woman who is not a whore but maybe has been around the block a few times just fall head over heels for a man who many may say doesn’t even seem to be her type? What makes a woman who has experienced more than her fair share of heartbreak give love one more try? How is it that a man can revive a woman’s heart back to full strength even after she found herself very suicidal having given up on life, what is it that HE did to her that was so good?

After hearing these questions asked many foolish and narrow minded men will mumble under their breath between each other that “the Brother just has to have a super dick to have turned her out” but they fail to realize that just like the old wise barbershop man said that it’s not always about sex!

It’s true.

We as men ought to try it sometime. What’s that you might say? Let’s try to leave our dick out of the equation! Yes! The world won’t end if we did this for a time. Not for a year, but maybe a few days. You know what gentlemen? Try TALKING with your woman sometime. Notice I said WITH her…….not AT her. And this also means that you must truly listen. Not merely nodding your head in agreement while you watch the sports programs or football game on ESPN. Cut the television off and direct your total attentions to her and her alone.

This is supposed to be your soulmate. This is supposed to be the one that you have committed to spending the rest of your life with. So if this is the case then WHY is it so hard to do something to make her feel good other than trying to jam your dick up in her or licking her just a little. Understand that those physical joys mean absolutely NOTHING if there is no connection between the both of you at all! But many times us men are too quick to think that sex to us is the same to her but while she is thinking about making love we I hate to admit are thinking only about “cumming!”

Lovemaking starts in the mind my friend and it does not always result in an orgasm of the physical kind. Physical lovemaking is the highest union because this means that all pistons are firing simultaneously but true lovemaking NEVER stops between two people who are in love just because their physical bodies have disconnected. And maybe “disconnected” was a bad word to use because even when there is not a visible union happening in the physical, the spiritual union as well as the mental is still there.

I have a theory that states if two people are truly connected and are madly in love with one another, then their “hand holding” is more intense than the most powerful orgasms experienced in anyone’s anonymous “I just met you at the club tonight and took you home for some quick gritty sex” sensations. I truly believe that. And since I believe that is true, I also feel that most of the time the acrobatics of sexuality mean nothing if you can’t lay down and hold your woman close to make her feel the passage of time pass together to make the union take hold even stronger than it was before.This is why half of the time she would rather be by herself with more peace of mind than being with a man who doesn’t know how to make love to her mind, she would rather stay home at night alone and touch herself before she goes to sleep. Trust me on this one, it’s more common than you think.

Share some downtime together.

It doesn’t always have to be filled with conversation at all, it may just be you laying there while she doses off into a nice quiet slumber. That can be so beautiful to do. Let her sleep in your arms and whisper sweet things into her ears and let it seep deeply into her subconscious mind like an exotic teabag releases its delicious flavors slowly into a hot cup of water.

We need to get back into the art of courtship and the joys of dating one another again. could you please tell me what ever happened to the good night kiss at the front door after a date? And for you younger individuals who know nothing of that scenario, let me tell you that you didn’t even GET that kiss until a few dates down the line and even then it was when the young lady was comfortable with letting it happen. It was NOT something that you continually asked her for because the mere motion of asking would doom you to never ever getting a date with her again! So when I fast forward to the present and hear how our young men expect to receive oral sex on the FIRST DATE it lets me know that they are missing out on the joys of young love and the happiness that “waiting” until marriage for certain things to happen can bring.

Now many of my blog readers will say who am I to talk with the track record that I’ve had back in the days but I will say that BECAUSE of my track record I am more qualified to talk because I know the missed romantic experiences of fast living with the female persuasion. If I could do it all over again I would stay a virgin until marriage and never mess around on any level even when it was acceptable by the world because of me being a young single man at the time.

Thank God that through all of my experiences I learned directly how to deal with women on many levels and have learned to appreciate what a gift they can be without always pushing that one physical aspect. We would all be so much better off if we could spend more time with the opposite sex in a constructive manner to get to know each other and know what type of energy in a mate that we would desire to have ultimately in a marriage. Most often who we get “stuck” with is a roll of the dice because we get in the sack first and will find out about the personality later. Bad move.

I will soon be writing more on my views on relationships and might start a question and answer section because I do receive plenty of inquiries in my mailbox on these matters. Let me know what you think and stay tuned for my new blog tomorrow! I am going to end this one here but do know that this subject will definitely be touched on very soon once again!

Peace and Love Always,



About The Author

Media Personality | Culture Critic | Podcast Host | Blogger & Cartoonist who focuses on the issues of raw Human Nature the Mainstream Media is deathly afraid to touch!  THE LANCESCURV SHOW PODCAST focuses is on current events, trending happenings, news and thought provoking topics of interest in an uncompromising uncensored manner.

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April 17, 2012 5:44 AM

Women should share a great deal of responsibility in the misunderstandings between Men & Women. It is often blamed on Men. That is one of the main reasons for the rift. Women refuse to accept responsibility for their behavior and choices. Catering to you is a privilege that you must earn. It is not entitled to you. Just as we must do the same. Once both sides accept their responsibility and stop trying to blame the other, then things will be alright. Women only show their curves and virtually never show their hearts or minds. Present something else beyond your curves. Let us see your heart, good work ethic, and a good logical mind.

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