Gray Hairs, Failed Erections & An Ego That Just Won’t Quit – Why Some Of Us Are The Last To Know That We Got Old!

As I was driving through Universal Citywalk on my routine weekend bus route, I noticed a very well developed young man minding his business as he walked toward the escalator to go up one level to the attractions that most tourists devour as though it’s their last day alive.

It was a usual happening. What was routine for me was considered lust-worthy for those who bought into the illusion that are all things Orlando. I mean, other than that why would one be caught dead in a place like this? But that’s another story, now back to the young man, what made me really notice his muscular development even more was that I too was into bodybuilding very heavy a half a lifetime ago and seeing him brought me back to my days of toiling endlessly in the gym.

The memories rushed into my brain like a tsunami hitting dry soil!

As a matter of fact, I forgot my age briefly and felt the competitive juices flowing through me as though we were about to throw down flexing on a bodybuilding stage in front of a packed house of cheering fans, groupies and supporters! Lol!

I had gotten beside myself in that one instant!

This definitely wasn’t the position I was used to being in and I felt quite foolish at the thought of putting my body through the rigors and discipline of training to that intense level, but it truly hit me that I was no longer the young dashing gent of a not too long ago yesteryear!

What a pipe dream on my part! With the comparative shape that I am in I couldn’t get an admirable round of applause if I magically found myself on a cruise full of older horny female retiree who worked all of their lives only to find themselves craving to rev their “engines” again after burying their husbands, cashing in on that life insurance check and feeling adventurous for the freakier indulgences in life that they couldn’t taste when they were dutifully raising their families!

Honestly, it ain’t that bad but the bottom line is that I’m not what I used to be! Lol!

But of the truth be told, who is? In some ways we are better and in others we have allowed ourselves to regress. We are the victims of the choices that we make away from the divine plan of the One who made us. While “Father Time” will always have the final say on how long we carry on with our particular brand of foolishness, we alone can hasten our beautiful ride on the wonderful earth or we can make the necessary changes in our diet, lifestyle and spiritual nourishment to make this an edifying quality lifelong trip.

I don’t know about you but I would rather take a cross country trip in a top of the line luxury vehicle than a budget amenity free econo-box with no air conditioning and an A.M. Radio! Lol!

So while it’s a fact that we can take good are of ourselves and enjoy a long healthy life for hopefully our entire lifespan, their are some things that we must accept at the risk of looking like a fool! While some of us have learned to accept aging and have committed themselves to doing so gracefully, there are some who are just not going out without a FIGHT!

They are in a personal war with those gray hairs, failed erections, boobs stretched by gravity whose nipples are now a constant companion and “hang-out” buddy to their knees.

They have become the permanent converts to those late night television infomercials that have them believing that eternal youth can be purchased in a bottle for $39.99 plus shipping & handling!

These are the sadly comical examples that we see at the local shopping mall, the boiled egg sized breasts choked, strained and pushed up mercilessly in a cruel example of a forced cleavage that would otherwise hang unnoticed like two classic elementary school locker room padlocks dancing to and fro under a tee shirt.

Or how about the aging  jock whose obsession with keeping his signature dark mane of hair from being invaded from the inevitable age revealing hints of gray forgets to care for his skin and braves the Florida sun daily unprotected only to find himself looking older in the face with more wrinkles, folds and crevices on display than a well worn octogenarian woman’s labia lips at her latest gynecologists appointment!

How foolish we have become indeed!

We run to CVS, Walgreen’s or Duane Reade faster than we get back into the life giving practices that kept out grandmothers strong enough to tend the soil in a hard days work in the hot sun like it’s child’s play while our youth find it hard to get to change the channel on their television mind control box if they don’t have their remote at hand!

Dear LORD! Imagine how tough that generation will have it while dealing with the rigors of aging after not having any foundation of healthy practices to fall back on?

The orange lips and fingertips that come from a mindless afternoon feast of Cheez-Doodles chased by an acid laced sugar laden that covertly assaults the internal organs unknowingly with every death friendly sip was NOT what our Father God had in mind to keep us youthful well into our twilight years…….

But while the concoctions eventually fail there is just one overlooked component that always seems to keep on ticking behind the pancake makeup, tight pants on that aging “lover boy” of a trunk heavy man and the pills that promise an erection that’s guaranteed to give him an always ready permanent “kickstand” of an erection that makes him resemble a photographers tripod more often than a mere mortal man.

That overlooked piece of the puzzle is EGO!

Yes! The hidden culprit behind the foolish acts that the insecure execute in public to no end!

Nobody ever told me that “ego” married “technology!”

But I’m finding out the hard way from what I am seeing in the world around me as the mating game seems to never end no matter how old and crusty one has become!

The floodgates have opened and the prior bans of decency have now been lifted!

No longer do old men stay with old women or little old grannies stay with their half blind suspender wearing hubbies anymore. What grandma has time to help her aging husband anymore to consume those endless bottles of medication on the wind sill when she can go out to her young (Granny porn anyone?) boyfriend and get it on with him and possibly a few of his buddies?

Think not?

Then you must not be watching the news very often! How many mothers are being caught with their sons high school buddies as well as stealing their daughters boyfriends on the sly? You never heard about this thing on a regular basis like you do now at all!

When then Senator Barack Obama hit the campaign trail years ago with the often repeated mantra “Yes We Can” it is my serious assessment that many people out here took it to mean something else! Lol!

Video cameras were one of the worst inventions ever created that kept us feeling that the captured memories of our youth from thirty years ago were only happenings from last week and keep us fueled into believing that we still “got it!” As old men we find out quite the contrary when we find ourselves at the chiropractor with a slipped disc in our back or that young girl to whom we realized that we should have left alone after we’ve opened the court papers in the mail stating that we must now take a paternity test to determine if we are the father of her child.

Oh damn! How are you going to explain that one to your wife? Now you are a dumb ass potential Maury Povich Show (You ARE the Father!) targeted bastard all because of your ego and craving to see if you still “have it!” yes you got it alright and you’ll be paying what you got every month because of your heated ego-driven loins! You can kiss that dream car goodbye now!

When are we finally going to realize that AGE and EGOS don’t mix just like alcohol and medication as we need to read those finely printed instructions on the medicine bottle of life to finally understand that?

Do me a favor my friend, the next time that pretty young thing smiles at you a bit too long or your reflection doesn’t give you the feedback that you wanted and doesn’t even resemble that person with the movie star looks from yesteryear, just call up a few friends who could remember your good old days and safely enjoy the memories instead of attempting to inflict your diminished skills on the present time with disastrous results!

Take my advice and embrace the inevitable visit of Father Time as he knocks gently at your door, because to reject his presence will only force him to snatch your youth away abruptly where you’ll find yourself old and gray and the last to ever know!

It now seems like aging gracefully has now become a thing of the past……

Take care everyone and I hope you enjoyed my article but I have to end it here because I have a hot date tonight so let me grab me car keys, credit cards and condoms…….

OH! And don’t forget to pass me that bottle of Viagra please!

Lord knows that I can’t forget that!


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May 3, 2013 1:06 AM

You could certainly see your enthusiasm within the work
you write. The arena hopes for more passionate writers such as you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe. Always follow your heart.

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