Most of you reading this blog can identify with me when I say that I have been through my fair share of romantically based relationships in my lifetime. And no matter how those relationships turned out in the end, one has to admit that there were some very good times within the span of the union, especially in the beginning.
As we mature we have more of a track record of life events to look back on and dissect. And if we are truly honest with ourselves we can see a rhythm or common thread continuously strewn throughout our interactions with our various significant others.
This rhythm can sometimes be a good thing or it can sometimes be a bad thing that in all actuality we might wish for the memory of it to be banished away from existence!
And with that being said, all I can say is that not only have I “piddled” many years of my precious life away but I have TRULY made some FOOLISH MISTAKES!!!
Even if you don’t admit it to me I know that you may have the same feeling also when it comes to looking back on the various tragic and comical episodes that all add up to the total presentation that is your life. Fret not, because we all can improve and become better people in the way that we relate to our mate. But with that being said I believe that if we are truly straight up with ourselves we will admit that the sweetest times in our relationships came early on IN that relationship!
What do I mean by this?
Well, while most of us have similarities in our personal experiences romantically with others, there is also a million differences that we can also point out to negate those common traits. So in order to prove my point, understand that I will paint the contents in this blog with a broad stroke and I expect you to understand that as I speak from MY experiences and hopefully you can gain from the written word shared.
Whenever you see a union of two people go sour, it is not because they wanted it to get that way. In the beginning they had high hopes and big plans, it was that combined unique energy that told them deep down together that they could conquer the world!
What a rush!
No obstacle was too huge to conquer, no hurdle was to high to clear and no mountain was too high to surmount as long as you had the love and support of this wonderful person by your side. It was what we call in the ‘hood a “ride or die” situation……meaning the love that is shared between the both them would not allow them to not go all the way in whatever challenge came across their paths, either together we ride through it or we die together trying to go through it. No middle ground. No turning back. A total commitment with absolutely NO gray area of doubt.
Exhilarating to say the least!
I will NEVER forget when walking down the street back in 1983 with an old girlfriend (to whom I thought the world of and just couldn’t see myself not being with forever) through a neighborhood not too far from mine and my usual path, hearing an older man who was sitting on the porch of a home that I was passing by, say just loud enough for us to hear: “Yeah! You both think it’s all fun and games now until one of y’all lies to the other or cheats on one another and then you will both just f**k each others life up after the fairy tale is over! You will see! You think it’s all fun and games now! Go on and have some good sex tonight! Make a baby! Three years from now you will wonder what in the HELL were you thinking about but by then it will be too late! You all act like you love each other now but soon you won’t be able to stand the SIGHT of each other! Come back and tell me what your life was like in another 50 years and you will probably be sittin’ up here just like me tellin’ the next set of young dumb and full of cum jitterbugs the same thing after all the s**t that you went through in this life!”
WOW! What a diatribe!
I have to admit that I felt the conviction in his words and it scared me a bit, but it was nothing that a defiant exhibitionistic deep public tongue kiss and embrace couldn’t take care off within his line of sight through his hedges that acted as a visual shield to hide all prying eyes from his aged form as he screamed out like a demon getting holy water thrown on him as he observed my caress of her delicious backside as we briskly giggled and walked away! LOL!
I really couldn’t see this old guy but I could tell that he was older by his gruff sounding voice. I also heard the hurt, pain and resentment in his voice and thought to myself that I don’t ever want to be like that in my life EVER! One could only imagine the scenarios that he had to endure in his life to become so bitter at the sight of two young people in love who deserved to take their chance at happiness and bliss.
But down through the years of MY life I began to see a pattern not only in my path but in the paths of others. Why is it that in the beginning of a romantic union that the sweetest part is always in the beginning? Why is it that as two people begin to achieve their dreams together from the lean hungry times, those accomplishments are the very items that blind that loving couple into what the original commitment and vows were while painfully watching their empire fall apart because that formerly strong “base” of unconditional love has eroded so badly that it cannot support a structure that never has the love replenished.
Never EVER forget that feeling of righteous romantic desperation felt between you and NEVER allow ANYONE close to you in your inner circle to so called “counsel” you both when an emotional obstacle or misjudgment of the heart takes place! Seek a professional because many people who seek to “help” you don’t even have their OWN lives together but want to come on in to “help” your life become just as much of a mess as theirs! Not to sound as though I am contradicting myself but some of you DO have close friends IN your inner circles that really do care for your relationship and want to see it work beautifully but those are far and few between! For those of you who DO have this in a close friendship, consider yourself blessed but know that this is not the norm by a long stretch!
While many couples now enjoy the fruits of their labor and the benefits of a long term monogamous relationship many have accrued over the years a “disconnect” from that very joy that they once possessed now that they have attain some external measure of success. Isn’t that so sad? Now they “have it all” yet lost the most important aspect of their union.
While everyone from the outside will say “what are YOU complaining about! You both have been together for almost 20 years and you have the life that many of us would KILL for!”
But they don’t know what it is like from your vantage point…….
But at the same time YOU have forgotten how to activate it and appreciate the old love that you have neglected to maintain because you took it for granted.
We all sometimes fall short but one thing that I would suggest is to understand that you are with this person that you claim to love because at one time they meant the world to you! It wasn’t about material goods when you met because you just couldn’t get enough of them. Many of you, not all of you, when you made the commitment to be with your significant other, didn’t reach your life goals yet. It was so invigorating to plan out how you both would sacrifice and climb that ladder of success TOGETHER and face the obstacles along the way while basking in your undying love for each other…….nothing would be impossible to accomplish together!
Have you now lost your love under a sea of material accomplishments? Realize that nothing is as sweet as those simpler days!
Financial commitments, debt, spiritually draining acquaintances, attempting to measure up to an imaginary status, a disconnect from being enabled to share our true feelings, SO MANY things accumulate over the years to saddle down our relationships and turn them into something unrecognizable to the point where many have abandoned a union with their mate prematurely because they couldn’t differentiate between those negative external factors and that good person that was still there saddled under the garbage of success.
So what do many people do?
They throw the baby out with the bath water and regret it years down the line after the relationship is long over that they could have salvaged a beautiful union if they had the sense to understand that it wasn’t their other half that was stressing them out but all the things around them that didn’t exist in their world before they started to expand their empire.
Do NOT allow the material items to become more important than that one on one connection that you had in the beginning. If you still have it then protect it as though your life depended on it.
If you see the flame begin to flicker and wane then do all things possible to cultivate the passion that hasn’t left but is under attack by the external winds that threaten that flame!
And if you feel that the passion is long gone then STILL do not give up, many passions are like a fireplace still smoldering whose fires lay undetected to the eye but STILL have the potential to burn and rage on if cultivated with an item added that will burn. STIMULATE yourselves AWAY from those entities who had NOTHING to do with you both when YOU made your commitments to each other. NO ONE else is important when it comes down to salvaging YOUR precious union that YOU invested invaluable time in. Never listen to those who whisper “advice” into your ear that is non Biblical. At this time you really don’t need ANYONE whispering into your ear no matter WHAT they had to say if it were righteous or NOT!
You just need to find that spark that was there in the beginning and rekindle it with no one around. Feel it again. Know it again. Taste it again. Realize that this old flavor that was lost is something that you will never want to NOT have on the plate that is your life! Understanding this and know that when the good Lord calls either one of you from this level that nothing will bring it back so stop playing these time wasting games and love that one that you are with!
………because when you first met it wasn’t about a house, it wasn’t about a car, it wasn’t about how much was in the bank or the affluent neighborhood that you might live in now.
……..all that mattered was that God given connection that housed a feeling that flowed so freely.
Understand that it can and will flow again if you take it back to those simpler days……..