It already happened but I didn’t find out yet.
I pride myself on being “on it” when it comes to keeping up with the news because of always wanting to be prepared to write fresh content on my LanceScurv blog.
So when something as newsworthy as the death of Amy Winehouse happens and I don’t even know about it kind of frustrates me because I like to have enough time to meditate on the deeper meaning of someone’s passing, especially such a tragic figure as Ms. Winehouse.
And I am going to say that I knew deep down that her life would end early, I mean, should it be a shock?
As I would surf the ‘net and view the various visuals that would pop up in the searches that I would do to get the photos for my blog, I would see Amy Winehouse in her various stages of deterioration and could see from the downward spiral that it wouldn’t be too long for her to live.
My call was right and I do not take any credit for my accuracy because I do not see it like a sports teams victory prediction as I would have rather been wrong on it but the trajectory that she was on was a shoo-in to be a tragedy to say the least.
I never really knew her story like a fan but there was something about her that drew me to her, not in the traditional male/female attraction but more so as a long lost friend who may have needed my presence in her life to help her defeat the demons that haunted her.
No, I am not nuts or crazy but I would find myself watching her video over and over and studying the detail in it as well as how accurate it captured the irony and hopelessness that has seemed to take up a permanent residence on our planet.
I recall thinking how I knew she wasn’t “putting on” in that video but merely acting as her own self.
You see, this is what makes great actors and performers, they eventually get to a place in their rendition of a character that is not really the character at all but an extension of themselves. Most will applaud and rain down praise on how wonderful an actor/actress/
singer/dancer etc. that they are but if the truth be told the joke is on the masses because that performer was merely acting out what lurks deep within them in great abundance.
It’s almost like furiously thanking the store owner who gave you 20 gallons of milk but you never realized that the expiration date has already passed so in actuality you were doing the store owner a favor by taking the stale milk off of his hands. He had to clear the shelves for the fresh product and used you to do it.
Artists are the same, they are not great people who are blessing you with those memorable performances, you are helping them siphon off their inner madness by releasing their pressure valves with your support and inadvertently preventing them from losing their mind.
This is why so many artists in every form of expression have known great tragedy in their souls. It may not be the same brand of pain but it is nonetheless there.
Their natural talents are obvious but to get to that higher level of artistry they definitely had to have an invisible fire under their ass
to drive them to get there. This is just my opinion, and I didn’t mean every artist in my description but a great majority of them I believe.
How can I say this?
Because I know that while I pretty much have my own demons under control I can still spot them in others due to the fact that for a
time they had taken up space in that emotional rooming house of my heart.
I saw Amy’s pain and despair and she didn’t hide it when you really look into her pained eyes. again I say that I never took the time to read her story from its humble beginnings up to stardom and at this point it doesn’t matter. To write a blog about her personal
achievement timeline would be redundant as I couldn’t do half as good a job as those who have followed her career from the beginning, but I can only tell you how she made me feel.
It’s funny, when I first came online with my drawings, I was going through so much and had within my heart so much frustration that
showed in my work. Now that I am at a cheerful balance and in a much different space from that horrible time, many wouldn’t believe that this formerly (But still pissed at the injustices of his world and will always be!) angry Black man could write about how some troubled White girl with a crack problem could have touched him in a special way.
But she did.
If only I could have gotten to her I am almost 100% sure that she would have experienced a change of mindset. I am good that way and regret not being able to have that chance. Not because I wanted anything from her, but because we all at one point in our lives or another need someone who can reach us and show us the way out of our pain.
I know the heavens have always sent me an Angel or a miracle when it appeared that there was no way out. Thank God I knew who mine were when they came, maybe Amy didn’t and maybe this is why she is not with us anymore.
But every time I see someone leave this earth no matter who they are, from the street corner “wino” directing traffic on a hot Sunday
morning to the toothless crack addict who hasn’t washed in a week and a half yet sells her wares for a handful of chump change, I hurt.
Because of the wasted potential from making the wrong choices that landed them into their sorry state of affairs. I see myself in them
even though I have never fallen down that road of despair, but only an artist can understand another artist.
It takes a lot out of you no matter how much natural talent that you possess to be empowered to make your fans feel and see what you want them to experience.
It’s not easy because people can be so fickle, one minute they love you and they tell you how “hot” you are and the next minute they have no problem telling you that you flopped.
This can be quite confusing when you felt that you have just given the world the performance of a lifetime.
Maybe Amy never knew when her signature performance came. It makes me wonder how much pain did she have in her heart when she happily clutched that Grammy in her frail arms and did any light shine inward from her adoring fans into a heart clouded with pain. Just wondering.
Now she’s dead. And the vultures of paparazzi will get their last chance to finally swoop down on the remains of a young lady who is
destined to join the ranks of our most revered yet tragic figures who have lived too fast and died to young.
Janis Joplin. Jimi Hendrix. Kurt Cobain. Jim Morrison. Move over 27 Forever club members, there’s a new star in town.
Their path was the ultimate fountain of youth. For although they too left us much too young we will never know them old. They will never have the wrinkles, the sagging boobs and failing erections. They died with their own teeth in their mouths and will never experience the time in life called 30-something.
While we are so quick to say how sad a tragedy their endings were in my opinion they did what they were put here to do even though their lives shined too briefly by our standards it at least flashed brightly probably more than any of ours will.
Quite grim reminders that the level of celebrity that they “enjoyed” can never guarantee that one will enjoy an equivalent measure of
peace, joy and fulfillment.
So while we try our darnedest to be Facebook stars and the prettiest lil’ thang struttin’ down the aisle in church to pay our tithes with a dress that’s a bit too tight and a wiggle in the ass that was definitely NOT learned in Sunday school, we need to truly absorb the
lessons divinely taught to us through the example of an Amy Winehouse that now matter how hard we attempt to be the next big thing in our chosen area of expertise, it means absolutely nothing if we don’t enjoy the process of getting there every step of the way!
So understand that Ms. Amy Winehouse was an excellent role model.
She was a textbook reminder to our youth of the choices that one should NOT make! You need those examples out there to motivate some of our hard to reach children too because if we didn’t have an Amy Winehouse to point to then how could we get our point
across about living a clean and edifying life?
Just after I had fired up my Iphone at the end of my first trip on the 37 bus route at the Florida Mall here in Orlando, the news of Amy’s passing hit me as I read the news update.
But just as I had absorbed the magnitude of that announcement I was reminded that all of our younger generation was not cut from the tragic cloth of Ms. Winehouse as I saw a young lady approaching fast through the heavy drizzle of rain who happened to be one of my most intelligent, motivated, hard working and beautiful passengers bar none!
All I will reveal about her personally is that her name is Ketley, and she is the opposite manifestation of an Amy Winehouse. She lives a clean and respectable life and she is what every Father desires their daughters to be. Not that Amy Winehouse deserved any less love because of her lifestyle but the type of woman that Ketley is would bring joy to any parent who understands the pitfalls and traps of this world that are laying and waiting dormant for our youth.
While it is always a pleasure to enjoy her refreshing company and intelligent conversation on my bus, I couldn’t help but see the
extreme contrast between her and Amy Winehouse.
The difference between them obviously was like night and day.
It was about 4:03 on this busy July saturday when Ketley entered the bus and the first thing that I asked her was “did she hear about Amy Winehouse?” We always seem to remember where we were when someone passes or some happening of magnitude transpires. Whether it be the 9-11 World Trade Center attacks, the O.J. Simpson trial verdict, Michael Jackson’s passing or whatever happening that means something to you personally in a big way. So that will be my “Amy Winehouse moment” that will be forever stained into the fabric of my subconscious mind.
So to see this beautiful young lady in front of me who might only be a year or two younger than Amy and full of so much life saddened me in a sense because it could have been her. I mean, that entertainment industry machine could have gotten the hands around her throat and tried their best to choke the life out of her or anyone they choose without any regard to the fact that she is a human being and a child of God. To better explain my feeling I will compare it to a woman who just had a miscarriage in her pregnancy and had to fight back tears every time afterward when she saw a happy mother in public pushing a baby carriage and doing all of the things that a happy contented mother does with her baby. She is happy for those faceless mothers in public but it stirs up the huge void felt within and reminds her that it could have been her as a happy mother too. I am just sensitive like that and always have been.
But being in Ketley’s presence made me think to myself how Amy Winehouse at one time had to possess the innocence that Ketley has as all children do but at what point did she become contaminated with the pain and hopelessness of this world that caused her to attempt to self medicate her pain away?
Where did the pain originate from? What caused her to embrace it and internalize it? We need to utilize the example of Amy to understand that there are a lot of hurting kids out here who may not make it too far because of the overwhelming burdens that lurk in their hearts that make it seem impossible to see the beauty and feel the joys of this life. We need more success stories like Ketley’s in this world and less tragedies like Amy’s. All little girls are born innocent and we have to find out what pain shifts their trajectory of bliss into the dark recesses of doom because too many of our precious girls have been unknowingly signed up to the club of depression in record numbers and it will continue unless we put a stop to it!
But how can we scorn those buzzards called paparazzi who opportunistically swooped down on the already dead but still performing carcasses of our so called stars that when those same crows moonlighting as five star chefs in their restaurants of tabloid gossip
serve us up the very same dishes that they picked up as the roadkill of the entertainment industry.
Are we to blame them for continuing to eagerly and profitably serve our generous appetites for filth while we blame them for the
degenerate mentality of the so called civilized world when in fact it is us who sign off on their checks and tip them generously with the biggest Colgate smile on our faces?
We are just as sick as the worst of the entertainment industry because there is absolutely no outcry spawned by their cutthroat practices as we never demand that they change their sick stale menu of offerings.
We just keep on eating it up.
So if the finger pointing is to begin I think we should start with ourselves, because very few of us are going to miss those spicy amped up sensationalized documentaries that speculate on the many cloaked aspects of her shady drug saturated life.
Could you imagine when they come out with the E! True Hollywood Story on her life? The media never takes their part of the blame when it comes to the demise of one of our stars but they are damn sure there to feast on the remains!
I knew something different had transpired that day because after I picked up my bus from the base and was on my way to begin my bus route I noticed some movement on the road ahead of me about a quarter of a mile down the road. I couldn’t make out what it was but it got clearer to me as I quickly approached that point. There was a dead cat in the middle of the road and the buzzards had found their prize and were furiously picking at the remains before the next vehicle drove near them to temporarily halt their feast.
I drove slower to take this all in as I knew deep down I was to see this for a deeper meaning and now I know that my assumption was correct.
This scenario would be a sign and the foundation of what I was to write about in this Amy Winehouse blog when I would discover shortly of the news of her passing. This always happens to me, I always get some kind of sign before something happens. Now her passing may not mean as much to someone else but again I must say that I’ve always had a special feeling for her as I’ve seen past the tabloid offerings and saw a young lady in a great deal of pain. But she is gone now from this level and there is nothing that we can do now except to examine ourselves.
We need to examine ourselves because if we were the divine people of God that we have claimed to be then an Amy Winehouse styled tragedy is not acceptable and we are to blame. While we go on now with our business as usual we need to see the hypocrisy in our ritualistic madness as we repetitiously go through the motions of our various religious practices and don’t see that we are no better than those who are the Industry Crows who have picked at the remains of Amy Winehouse and are feverishly looking for the next star to proactively fatten up and set up for the kill.
So understand that while many will pity the Amy Winehouse demise realize that it is also a litmus test on how dead and decayed we are as a society. We don’t have to pity her now but we need to save those tears for ourselves for we have to answer to our Creator as to why we have neglected and exploited our young ladies beyond their emotional capacities only to through them to the side when it appears that they are crying out for help through their actions.
They cried out and we ignored them…….
Get on with the show you trained monkey! If you die then so what, there will always be the next willing victim to take your place!
We can be so cruel…….
Then after they are dead and gone we then enshrine them forever on posters, trinkets and memorabilia as though we loved them so much when they were here. And for all of you who laid bets on when she would die by those cold hearted websites that speculated on her lifespan, well, you got what you wanted…….tons of hits and maybe a little revenue but now the Grim Reaper moves about the earth seeking his next catch and you are fair game as well as all of us including myself.
Just make sure that you are ready when the bell tolls for thee.
I believe Amy Winehouse might catch a break and make it into the pearly gates but what about us?
We are the ones to be pitied because even in all of her pain and indulgence in the netherworld of substances poor Amy did more in this life than her naysayers EVER will!
R.I.P. Amy Winehouse. Lance Scurv spoke out for you because I know exactly how you felt in this life.