A realization hit me so hard the other evening as I was submerged in a deep meditation session of intense quiet and focus at home, I was thinking how so may of our women have not been taught some of the basic concepts of loving their mate.
This is not a putdown to our sisters, it is actually a loving assessment that will bring understanding to some of the friction that manifests between the sexes and is usually put on the woman for being not sensitive or caring enough in their relationships.
Allow me to first state that this is not an excuse for the women who have the trait of bashing their man or indulging in emasculating behavior, but it is for those few misunderstood women who may not have been nurtured in a loving environment in their formative years and therefore really don’t understand how to express the love that already resides deep in their hearts for their man.
You would really be surprised how many women never really had a functional and nurturing relationship with their mothers even though they may have resided under the same roof with their mothers without the presence oftentimes of their fathers.
What I have found personally is that many mothers were so busy working two and three jobs to make ends meet that they never really had the time to explain what a loving nurturing male/female relationship was all about and almost never was in a position to lead by example in the home by being the template of what these desirable unions were all about. This is not everyone, but far too many, what many of these young girls experienced was a disgruntled hard working mother lashing out on how men are no good or getting into the specifics of what troubles they may have had with the father of these innocent young ladies.
This is reality for many people and it has translated into a generation were an emotional detachment between the sexes is the norm. How do these young girls know that they are to “get something” from the man who desires to pleasure himself with the exploration of their bodies?
Why is it that the “love” aspect is looked down upon while the “get paid” mentality rules? There are many reasons that our women today have become so desensitized but the end result needs to be treated with some tender loving care and understanding from the men who get connected to these women in long term commitments.
Don’t be so quick to say that they are crazy or cold, they just may have been the victim of a rape and may have never gotten the treatment or counseling for it.
They might be dealing still with the residue of an abusive relationship that they never told you about in detail.
I have found that too many of our Sisters have gone through situations that have the makings of a best selling novel and had to “grin and bear it” because our communities traditionally don’t view therapy as anything good. Because of this the wounds may appear to heal outwardly but the deep painful scars remain.
I know that I am speaking the truth!
So Brothers, we must understand that it is our responsibility to treat our women with a deeper understanding and approach them with love even when they may not return the loving way in which you came at them.
Some really don’t know HOW to take your cordial and mannerable approach because many have never sincerely had the opportunity to be treated with love and respect! The only time that they can remember being treated in such a fashion was when “some horny ass man” wanted “something” from them!
So understand this and know why you are getting the side eye when you treat a young sister nicely, her guards will be up for a good long while until the innocent time spent shows them that you are not the norm.
Also, we have those who are suffering from esteem issues, know that a woman who has deeply embedded self esteem issues will never receive your loving treatment in a predictable manner.
It’s not her fault but again a circumstantial cause.
This is why you have to really take the time to analyze a prospective mate in more arenas than merely on a date or at the club.
Enjoying her company in these artificial environments will never give you an indication on what her personality traits are as when she is engaged in the everyday dealings with her family and friends. And when I said the term “prospective mate”, please don’t get the idea that I meant that once some sign of emotional conflict was discovered in that potential wife that one should abandon ship and throw away all prospects of moving further – NO! – That couldn’t be further away from the truth!
What I meant was that you should have a better idea of how to deal with her and the past issues that she may have had to deal with. Sometimes a little insight into the mind and past of a wonderful woman can circumvent those dangerous misunderstandings that can come from not doing your homework with a new entry into your personal life.
Let me admit that while I am speaking on how to treat a woman, this also goes for the men as well. We as men can be scarred from the past emotional traumas as well. So it is important that those us who know this pain have an open mind and heart when dealing with a woman who has gone through so much disappointments herself in this lifetime.
Once you are able to get past the few issues that one may possess from their troubled walk through this tough world that we live in then maybe you will see the beauty behind the scars that will seem to fade away quickly once the love, patience and understanding is applied!