Most relationships are screwed up today. Point blank. Why are so many people all tangled up in a miserable web of pained deception? The worse part is we cannot even face the source of our discomfort so we go on like everything is okay and a problem doesn’t exist!
So the answer to our relationship issues is not to sit down and talk about it but to seek a distraction from the pain by compounding it
with the dangerous methods of self medicating or even taking on an affair which opens up the door to a myriad of other problems far worse than anything that was wrong with our original relationship in the first place.
Pouring gasoline on the fire in a foolish attempt to put it out? You bet! And this behavior is not the exception but the norm!
Seems these days that when you are in a balanced loving communicative nurturing relationship many surrounding entities either refuse to believe it exists (Don’t believe it girl, all men cheat!) or just don’t think that anything good (It may be all rosy now, but you mark my words, it’s just a matter of time!) has any chance of lasting!
If you’ve read any of my blogs over a period of time you will know how I feel about a relationship that doesn’t have God’s laws under-girding it. It is doomed to failure!
Now so many of us rate the success of our unions by the amount of time that we have been together with our mate. You could have been with someone for twenty years but it doesn’t indicate that you are in a happy union at all. Some people have only racked up twenty years of fighting and hair graying tensions that have only helped to hasten their earthly journey, keep their doctors well paid and put them six feet under long before their Creator had planned!
Sometimes we are with the wrong person because we were stubborn and chose someone that wasn’t the ONE that God planned for us and other times we are WITH that ONE God ordained individual but we both have refused to operate within the relationship accordingly and we destroy the very gift of a union that came straight from the Heavens! Think about it! Isn’t it funny that we have even mote ways to communicate with each other yet we find it so hard to remain connected to one another emotionally?
We have cell phones, text messages, e-mail, Skype, Yahoo Messenger where we can use a video-cam to see each other as we talk for FREE as well as doing all kinds of “naughty” things in that medium, and the list goes on…….
So we have no excuse to be as distant from each other as we are. But in actuality the technology won’t guarantee that we will follow
through in using it just because it is there.
We can purchase that brand new juicer that we were seduced late one night to buying while watching that infomercial but our enthusiasm evaporated right into thin air once it arrived two years ago and has been collecting dust ever since.
Like that old dusty juicer, our relationships have become highly publicized superficial statements of a hollow commitment and union
that was never there in the first place. We look forward to those extravagant displays of so called unconditional love but all who are
present will quickly learn that for all of the festivities indulged in that it was merely a useless husk of a sham whose best times were left in the ceremony photo album.
…….about as real as a cardboard cutout.
What happened to being taught how to treat your mate and cultivate those feelings of joy instead of thinking that it will all come in a
ready made package where everything is in place with absolutely no effort required at all?
What happened to making a commitment to making things work through thick an thin and not looking to jump ship at the first sign of
trouble in paradise?
What happened to two people looking out into the horizon and pledging their hearts to one another no matter what lies in store for them in this life over that very same horizon?
Well how can we have any of these aforementioned amenities of the heart if we are as detached as we are?
How can you have anything without a modicum of real authentic communication?
But how is it now that you are well into your union time wise that you find yourself once again yearning for what should be showered over you in abundance? wouldn’t that be like starving to death at a feast that you are not allowed to partake in? How cruel and inconsiderate! Is this what many people get into relationships for? Only to watch their mate suffer and be deprived of the very thing that they opened their heart to you to tell you that they need? What kind of sadistic power trip of a spirit would someone have to get enjoyment from another person suffering? I’ve heard the termed mentioned before that pain is love but this takes it to a whole different level indeed!
Is this what it all boils down to? Then if that is the case my friend, I can see why so many of us “opt-out” of the entire relationship scene because the proportion of toxicities and baggage that one brings to the union that must be sorted out before the sun peeks through the emotional clouds is just not worth it! We choose to opt-out of it like we opt-out of any participation in a lawsuit by signing at the dotted line for that class action lawsuit.
Heck, what about the class action robbery of your heart?
Who stands up to defend you when YOU are hurting to yourself and the world appears so rosy and cheerful? Isn’t that how it goes? That’s so funny. when you are going through the drama and pains with your mate your eye always seems to catch that couple kissing with a smile on their face as though they are staging that scenario to tease you and humiliate you into an even deeper abyss of pain and suffering.
I could never figure out the timing of that one.
It’s so hard to find someone for our self who is “down” for a forever thing and it is even harder to find someone who is at peace in their union whether they tell you the truth about it or not. Are things always going to be perfect? NO! But dang! It seems like the older we get the more the issues in our marriages and relationships increase.
What could compare to the pain of being with someone in a so called loving relationship yet feeling so detached as you “touch yourself” before you go to sleep with tears in your eyes because that one who should be touching you is fast asleep leaving you alone and neglected to fend for your desires all alone. Is it about having an orgasm? Not really. It’s about the togetherness and connectedness that you both should be feeling for each other on ALL LEVELS.
At least one can accept their masturbatory sleeping pill release sessions a whole lot better when they are all alone because at least you KNOW that you are all alone and not in something where to have to “cum” all by yourself is a mockery to the love, time, dedication and commitment that you have given unconditionally to this inconsiderate self centered person in that is laying next to you in your bed all of these years.
You shouldn’t have to want for ANYTHING! But the shortcomings in the bedroom are usually indicative of the more massive issues that lurk behind the Colgate smiles of your duel public persona.
If you happen to be someone who yearns for companionship know that what you are feeling is a natural desire as we are all made to be social creatures but the one thing that you do not want is to be taken advantage of because your natural cravings for love is exploited in a deceitful manner. There are many sharks in these waters of the dating world and most of us have caught some scars emotionally that we can never get rid of unless we take the time to face them and restore ourselves emotionally to be the whole person that we can sometimes portray ourselves to be without actually being that person.
So many of us have given ourselves the emotional “patch job” to make ourselves look like the good catch while being quite a liability to someone who thought that they were getting what appeared to such a good deal! Shame on you if you are guilty of this!
Look, if you believe in the God above and truly understand that nothing happens before its time the best thing that you can do is to improve yourself by unraveling those knots that remain undetected to the world in your spirit to truly allow that beautiful person inside free to shine out to the world that you KNOW exists inside of you. Taking yourself off of the dating market to reflect and improve will help you to accomplish this over time with relative ease. And for those of you who are already in relationships where communication and connectedness are long gone amenities of the past, understand that you both will have to step back together to figure out what it is malfunctioning within yourselves singularly before you can even seek to understand what is going wrong collectively.
If you truly love yourself and love your mate if you have them right there with you or they haven’s arrived into your life yet then you will take those necessary steps to cleanse yourself of anything that would become a barrier to a healthy, respectful, enjoyable commitment lifetime relationship that will edify every moment of your life and be the ultimate exchange of love this side of the love of God Himself!
Isn’t it worth a shot? Look around you and see that those who choose to “wing it” on their own seem to ALWAYS have problems down the line…….
Don’t let that be you!