The Excruciating Pain Of A Mother With An Incarcerated Child

While many who are not in their shoes to ever know, the pain that resides in a Mothers heart who has an incarcerated child has no equal as it is based on the inability to come to their aid in a protective fashion when needed.

The Mothering instincts have been handcuffed and just as much in a state of lock down as the child.

Prison Visitation

Now allow me to clarify what I mean by child, when I say that a Mother will always feel intense pain from having a child in prison, I mean that HER proximity to her offspring now matter how old, how tough or how much of a well decorated rap sheet that they might have doesn’t stop her from experiencing the innocent feelings of tender Motherly love that first washed over her when she first held her child in her arms shortly after being born.

That very powerful connection was “locked” in from even before birth but was cemented securely at the first embrace between Mother and child. Nothing else in the world mattered at that time and regardless as to the external circumstances regarding and surrounding that delivery, it is all the same in its most basic manifestation. Like a man made satellite placed in an exact position from the earth to remain in orbit for the time of its existence no matter where those two heavenly bodies find themselves in the bigger universe, a Mother will always call her child her baby even if that “baby” stands six-foot five inches tall without an ounce of body fat after weighing in at 320 muscular pounds.

Whatever you see in that apparently “menacing” looking individual, he will is in actuality some loving Mother’s “baby!”

That being said, this written expression was not meant to minimize the severity of any crime committed on an innocent person or to condone any breaking of the law that is done as I believe that of someone commits a crime then they open the door to receive the punishment and sometimes that punishment – when matched up against the crime – can either be to much or not enough at all…….It’s at that point a mere roll of the dice.

Now although in my earlier example of a Mother’s love for her child I utilized a male example of her child this can and is oftentimes the case with a daughter who is locked up. The emotions don’t run any deeper depending on the sex of the child as it will be just as deep in either scenario.

The focus of this blog article is the love that a Mother feels for her child and the crippling pain that can grip her heart.

Imagine. That baby that you as a Mother have is locked down behind bars hundreds of miles away vulnerable one hundred percent of the time with people who have all types of twisted motivations to do harm to others.

I don’t care how “strong” a Mother may appear to her peers, the thought of her own flesh and blood being under that kind of threat is enough to rip her soul apart n a slow burn! She can go to a social function and appear to be happy and having a great time but if you look a little closer into her eyes, you will see the pain that has been an unwanted constant companion in her life.

Could you imagine having a heartache that seems to never go away?

Can you imagine being held mentally and emotionally captive like that Mother who makes those endless phone calls to an always seemingly elusive lawyer who always seems to fall short on performance even though she has scraped, borrowed and sometimes did all kinds of things to get the payments for legal counsel in on time as to not delay the fight for her child’s case?


That special Mother will go without JUST to make sure that her baby has a full commissary and will ALWAYS make sure to take those collect phone calls even when she doesn’t know HOW she is going to even keep that phone on just to hear their voice so she can at least sleep a little better that night!

No matter how much that Mother’s body may burn for a man, there is absolutely NOTHING that he can do to relieve her of that hellish frustration that has called her heart home ever since that fateful day when her nightmare began. A man would be wise to not even THINK that his penis or his tongue could ever make a difference as when that time of a sexual union DOES happen, he needs to know that a part of her will always be absent because even though the intense pleasures of sex will temporarily wash over her being not once has she ever stopped thinking about her child.

…….it’s that deep so if one is NOT prepared to truly embrace everything about this ailing woman then it’s best to merely leave her alone completely because she has no time for games!

She can see a scheme coming at her a mile away because her pain has taught her to be even more economical with her heart whether it be in a relationship or a friendship because this tragedy has left her with so little left and what remains is not to be played with.

Understand that the world now looks different to this Mother in pain, it doesn’t take much for her to get snatched out of the moment when something that may appear so minuscule to you may trigger off an emotional response from her out of the blue. You see, everyday she walks an unseen tightrope with the winds of insanity blowing at her intensely with every step that she takes. She is not crazy, it’s just that her mind is never really all the way her because as a Mother there is a piece of her that must be reconnected and she will never be the same until that fateful day arrives.


Again, it doesn’t matter what transpired to cause the incarceration of her child to happen and yes, she knows for the most part that if you do the crime then you must do the time. But most will get upset with her as a Mother when she still seems to treat her child as though he or she is not the imposing out of control criminal that the media will broadcast of them, she can’t help but feel what she feels but what you have to understand is that her world has been turned inside out and upside down literally overnight.

Now, I am not here to argue a case for anyone who has indulged in some type of criminal activity because I already explained earlier how I feel about it, but while we can sit at home and be entertained by the evening news when another “thug” is locked down, we never see the toil it can take on a Mother as she goes through the days, months and years through the court process to feel a guilt that she never deserved as a hard working law abiding citizen. SHE did not commit the crime but indeed while feeling it for her child the world can sometime make her feel as though it is something that she did or that she is at fault for the poor choices that were made by her son or daughter. Simply not true.

What we need to do as a society is to support both side of the equation in the reality of incarceration meaning that the families of the victim/s as well as the families of the accused should be entitled to the same level of support because no matter what side you are on. Stress is stress but the often overlooked part of this unfortunate puzzle are the tears of that Mother who has to bear the pain with her child for a crime she never committed.

State Prisoner

This I believe is a challenge to a hypocritical society that claims to be fair in the execution of its laws regardless to race, color, creed or lifestyle preference. While this sounds great on paper, it is not always the case when it’s time share out the justice.

Think not?

…….just ask that Mother in pain when during those endless phone calls, visitation rides that seem to never end, sleepless nights wiping away the tears and the devastated finances that are beyond repair from the immeasurable costs of having that special loved one in prison.

She is doing hard time too and if you look close enough…….you’ll see it in her eyes.

To all Mothers with a child on lock down I pray for your comfort, peace of mind and a sense of an impending closure to the pain that has been alive deep in your hearts that you so dearly crave freedom from. Know that God is in control and nothing lasts forever but Him! Focus on Him and it will diminish the longevity of a sentence that can only last but for so long when you understand the eternity that only God can give…….

Peace & Righteous Love Always,

Your Understanding Brother,



P.S: Yolanda, I keep you in my prayers everyday and night…….you know who you are.

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