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THE FREEDOM OF LOVE: WHY WE SHOULD RETHINK OUR IDEAS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS | LANCESCURV

THE FREEDOM OF LOVE: WHY WE SHOULD RETHINK OUR IDEAS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS | LANCESCURV

Let’s face it, relationships are as complicated as a Rubik’s Cube, but unfortunately, there’s no YouTube tutorial that can solve the dynamics between two people who have to navigate love, loyalty, and expectations. At the core of these entanglements is one fundamental issue: we’re treating relationships like ownership agreements, demanding compliance to an unwritten rulebook. The real question isn’t why some partners cheat, lie, or stray, but rather, why are we so hell-bent on controlling another person’s freedom? Are relationships supposed to be prisons disguised as romantic commitments? Let’s unpack this, shall we?

When Love Becomes a Prison: The Problem with Ownership in Relationships

The moment we slip into the language of ownership—“you’re mine,” “you belong to me”—we’re setting the stage for disappointment. Romantic relationships should not feel like someone handed you a leash and collar, telling you to “walk nicely now.” You see, what many fail to realize is that when you believe you own your partner’s loyalty or attention, you start policing behavior instead of building connection. Then suddenly, the relationship morphs from a partnership into a contractual obligation—Thou Shalt Not Entertain Other Suitors written in invisible ink across each lover’s forehead.

Truth is, most relationships are founded on the false premise that one partner’s commitment to monogamy equates to a lifetime warranty. Here’s a newsflash for you: humans are complex creatures with shifting needs and desires. What we really need to question is why our relationships are so deeply rooted in ideas of ownership that any deviation from the script feels like an existential crisis.

Cheating and the Game of Who Owes Whom

Let’s get one thing clear: when someone cheats, it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love you. It might just mean they love themselves more, or at the very least, the part of themselves that wasn’t being fulfilled in the relationship. The language of “you cheated on me” implies that a violation of property has occurred, as though someone trespassed on your land and built a house without your permission. But human beings aren’t real estate, folks. Cheating happens for countless reasons, and while I’m not endorsing infidelity, it’s worth asking if the outrage over betrayal stems from a broken heart or a bruised ego.

How many times have we heard someone say, “They did this to me”? If you truly believe in your partner’s autonomy, then how can you also claim ownership of their actions? It’s like saying, “You had the audacity to exercise your free will while we were together!” Well, yes—free will is part of the package deal that comes with loving someone who has a mind of their own. You can’t very well ask someone to be honest, and then get upset when that honesty doesn’t match your script. Either you want authenticity, or you want obedience—you can’t have both.

The Expectations Trap: How Social Norms Conform Our Relationships

We live in a society that has a weird relationship with “truth.” Take monogamy, for example. We’re sold the idea that monogamy is the only “respectable” form of love, as though fidelity was written into our DNA. It wasn’t. Let’s just clear that up right now. In some cultures, polygamy or open relationships are just as valid—if not more honest—ways of expressing love. But somehow, when you bring this up, you’re seen as the villain for merely suggesting that one size does not fit all. It’s as if we’re all expected to wear the same ill-fitting pair of pants labeled “Monogamy Only,” no matter how badly it pinches and chafes.

But why are we so afraid of alternative relationship dynamics? Why does the idea of an open relationship, polygamy, or even ethical non-monogamy make so many people clutch their pearls? The truth is, many people cling to monogamy not out of a deep-seated moral principle, but because it provides a safety net—a structure within which they feel secure. We’re not just afraid of our partners straying; we’re terrified of dealing with the complexities that arise when love isn’t confined to the conventional.

Radical Freedom: The Controversial Idea of True Autonomy in Love

Here’s where I’m really going to push some buttons. What if we truly accepted the radical idea that no one owes us fidelity, love, or even time? What if we stopped making emotional investments in people who didn’t agree to our terms and conditions? The idea that “I own you” because we’re married, dating, or “talking” (as the younger folks say) is antiquated. It’s like demanding that Netflix only stream documentaries just because that’s all you like to watch. It doesn’t work that way. People need to be free to express themselves, to change, to evolve—even if that means growing in a direction that takes them away from you.

Does that sound harsh? Maybe it is. But truth has a way of sounding harsh when you’re used to living in comfortable lies. If your partner decides to leave, they weren’t yours to begin with. If they cheat, they made a choice based on their own internal motivations, not to attack or hurt you. And yes, I get it—love involves making promises. But does anyone really want a promise that’s given under duress? I’d rather have a partner who stays because they want to, not because they feel obligated to.

Navigating the Fine Line Between Commitment and Coercion

Don’t get me wrong, commitment is a beautiful thing. There’s a lot to be said for two people deciding to stick it out through thick and thin. But commitment should come from a place of mutual desire, not societal pressure or a fear of loneliness. If we’re honest, many people stay in relationships because they’re terrified of starting over, or because they believe a relationship has to last “forever” to be meaningful. What if we valued relationships for the growth they offer, rather than how long they last?

It’s time to stop treating people like investment portfolios where we measure returns based on how much time we’ve put in. Love isn’t about ROI (Return on Investment)—it’s about ROI (Risk of Intimacy). And the truth is, when you truly love someone, you’re taking a risk every day. The risk that they might leave, change, or even betray you. But that’s the nature of freedom. It’s messy, unpredictable, and sometimes painful, but it’s also authentic.

The Comedic Irony of Our Expectations

Now, let’s not act like the irony isn’t hilarious here. We’re all walking around demanding unconditional love, but with a list of conditions tucked behind our backs. “I love you unconditionally… as long as you don’t cheat, change your mind, or stop loving me back.” It’s the ultimate comedy of human relationships—we want guarantees on something that, by nature, cannot be guaranteed. I’m not saying throw all expectations out the window, but perhaps it’s time to reexamine why we expect what we do, and whether those expectations are setting us up for a lifetime of disappointment.

Conclusion: Free Love Doesn’t Mean Easy Love

If there’s one thing I want you to take away from all of this, it’s that love is not about possession. The more we cling to ideas of ownership and entitlement, the further we move away from what love truly is—an act of giving, a space where two individuals can grow together without losing themselves. It’s time to ditch the conventional script and start writing our own narratives, where freedom, authenticity, and true intimacy can flourish without the chains of possessiveness.

In the end, relationships will always be complex, challenging, and sometimes heartbreaking. But if we can let go of the need to “own” our partners and instead focus on owning our own choices and feelings, we might just find that love, in all its messy glory, is a lot closer to what we’ve been searching for.

What do you believe is the most important factor in maintaining a healthy relationship?
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About The Author

LANCESCURV IS A SOCIAL MEDIA PROVOCATEUR | ILLUSTRATOR/CARTOONIST | PODCASTER | CULTURE CRITIC | DIGITAL NOMAD | EROTIC PHOTOGRAPHER | RECLUSIVE EMPATH | BLOGGER | SIGMA MALE | SAPIOSEXUAL | NYC BORN & RAISED | FOCUSING ON THE INTRICACIES OF HUMAN NATURE, TRENDING NEWS & THOUGHT-PROVOKING TOPICS OF INTEREST. CONTACT: [email protected]

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