Merely producing a child doesn’t make one a good mother. So understanding that as I share these thoughts on motherhood it is NOT for everyone because so many times I see these irresponsible hoochies who feel because they screwed around and mixed their crotch sauce with a randomly chosen thug that merely pushes out another mouth to feed is an accomplishment of great magnitude.
And while the child born under those unfavorable conditions is innocent and didn’t ask to be here, I would never look at that baby any less than a child born under more edifying circumstances.
We are all human and people can change to become more responsible as a result of their personal growth…….
I had to get that clear because there are real mothers out here fighting for their children’s quality of life that is NOT getting the acknowledgment that they should be getting at all!
THESE women don’t give a damn about a hairstyle or throwing precious money away on an appointment with a manicurist.
They don’t care who is going to be at the party because they are too busy getting ready for work that night.
And while the hood rat mentality has chicks coming home at daybreak complaining about how tired they are from a night of drinking, smoking, and screwing, the good mother comes home at the same time after working all night long on her feet never complaining about the overwhelming fatigue in her body as she quickly returns home to cook her children the most wonderful breakfast before leaving once again to go to the laundromat if she doesn’t (Many don’t) have the luxury of a washer and dryer at home…….
Who are they you say and where are they?
Well if you look around you will see them all over the place, in every city across this nation and every corner of the world! They are as vast as the population of our planet and have been with us for as long as we had recorded history!
Yes! They are everywhere! But because of the never-ending tasks involved with being a good mother, most fly below the radar undetected unless you look hard enough…….
And while I acknowledge the good mothers all over the world, I am going to speak of those that I see within my midst on a cultural level but no matter the background or upbringing, the basic premise is all the same for these good women who are the true unsung heroes of the world!
For every war that is declared, we will always rightfully rush to acknowledge the fallen warriors and the sacrifices made in their personal lives for our protection and freedom but what of that wife at home who loses a husband and father to her young child and must carry on silently after the fanfare is long over? Amplify the pain when it is an unborn child who loses their father to war.
It doesn’t just have to be a wartime situation for a mother to feel that wretched pain in her heart while carrying a baby. It can originate from a vast array of circumstances in this life, but whatever the source of this mind/body/soul-wrenching pain, these women who are the true pillars of strength still find the spiritual resources deep within themselves to provide for their children!
And it is to YOU, the good mothers of the world, to whom I take my hat off too and acknowledge from the mountaintops, unrestrained in my loudest voice for the whole world to hear!!!!!!!
Allow me to start from what I know about a good mother-to-be, MY mother, Mrs. Ocie Johnson-Scurvin, who after her transition on April 28th, 1994, left a mighty legacy that surpassed her graduation from the Julliard School of Music and all of the performances that I loved to experience as a child in not only the countless concerts and volunteer work for good causes with her voice, but exceeded anything on that level.
l when I witnessed the huge and powerful tsunami of deeds spoken through the words and mailings of those all over the world of how she gave of herself to comfort others in their times of need!Yes, not even I knew how much she reached out, and never once did she announce a good deed publicly for her self-promotion. But as I read letter after letter, received phone call after phone call, I began to truly understand the depth of Godly love and divine caring that she carried DEEP in her heart!
You know, it just never dawns on you who everyone is around you when you are growing up. We take so many things for granted and we take the precious individuals that God has blessed us with for granted I just wish my Mother was here right now to see how I too, in my little way, am manifesting the talents that she and my Father groomed me to use that God has given me to make the world a better place. She always told me: “Lancey (One of my nicknames to differentiate me from my Father who had the same name.), your talent is in your hands and your unique way of motivating and communicating with others.” I never knew what she meant, I just thought that she just meant that I drew well but now I can see that she saw so much more than that.
Excuse me for going off point but I just had to share that. But in my ramble, I want to share something that has been in my heart for the last few weeks and I KNOW someone will get this directly. To all of you Mothers who are having a rough time with your child or children in a rebellious, disrespectful, and hurtful manner, KNOW WHEN TO CUT THE EMOTIONAL TIES!!!!!!!
Being a good mother does NOT mean that you have to be an emotional pin cushion or an abused doormat of guilt to be walked on constantly by your children! Sure, you love them, care for them, and have ALWAYS cared for them but DO NOT make the mistake of getting into the habit of taking punishment from them which allows you to be worn down and hurting from their very hurtful words!
YOU know in your heart that you are a good mother and YES you may not have always done things perfectly but WHO walks THIS earth in a perfect manner other than JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF? Are YOU Jesus? NO! Then do not feel guilty because in your personal growth as a human being and as a mother if you have made mistakes and misjudgments along the way. EVERYONE DOES!
So when your kids run down the hurtful laundry list of your past misjudgments (That in actuality they do not have the wisdom to understand the total circumstances of that complicated period in your life anyway!) to CONTROL you and MANIPULATE you to do THEIR bidding then you must let them know right on the spot that if they do not approve of being under that roof that YOU have flawlessly maintained over their little arrogant “entitled” behinds then they need to make arrangements to do otherwise by getting OUT and do BETTER!
If they do not approve of the clothes that you have struggled and sacrificed to put on THEIR BACKS then tell them directly to GO EARN the money to do their shopping sprees only after paying their mortgage/rent, the electric bill, food bill, phone bill, car note, car insurance, cable bill, health insurance costs, and personal items…….
Will they even after paying all of that even CARE about the latest fashions and keeping up with what their friends are wearing? I think NOT! Heck, after a hard day’s work half of these ungrateful teenagers will be glad to NOT have to walk the street naked if they knew how tough things are out here in the world and the constant tensions that many of us MUST walk with an as constant companion even more so than the companion that you are SUPPOSED to have that either skipped out on you or are not doing as THEY should.
That sounds like another “Scurvy” blog to me! LOL!
Put your foot down ladies! Put your foot down and DEMAND the respect that not only you deserve, but respect that YOU HAVE EARNED! DO NOT become one of these mothers who are browbeaten by their kids because they are trying to “make up” what the father didn’t stick around and do for them! Yes, there will be SOME things that you can make up to a point for your children but do know that if there is any blame to be dished out it should be to that absent “MAN-BOY” who left his divine post and all the responsibilities therein leaving YOU to pick up the slack! So DON’T internalize HIS guilt, pray to YOUR Heavenly Father for guidance and peace of mind in your life after doing all that you have done for those brats!
It’s bad enough that you’ve had to endure the pain of their father’s foolishness, but now you have to take a double beating from them too? NOOOOO! Now let me say that what I am speaking about may NOT pertain to everyone reading this but I am typing freely and allowing these words to flow and know that it is meant for someone out here reading. Kudos to those children who are obedient to their Mothers and I take my hats off to those Fathers who have endured through the fire of this world and manned their divine post! Trust me, for those who DON’T know, it “ain’t” easy…………
So cease this never-twisted dance that will waltz you right into your casket! After a time, YOU are to switch your role as a parent to your children and become an “adviser”. You never can slash those feelings to jump in and “do it for them” but you have to allow them to take their lumps in this life comparable in a way to that child who receives a brand new bike as a gift and is ready to remove the training wheels from it…..
He or she WILL take a fall now and again but MUST go through the slight bruises to be motivated to avoid the cut knees and master their balance as a growing experience!
To give in to the feeling to do everything for your child will handicap them for life! Then when it is time for you to remove them from their comfort zone they will revolt and rebel against YOU when you seek to help them to stand on their own two feet! This is the point when you have to let go of the manipulations and realize that while you ARE their mother and always will be, God himself still gave YOU a life that is to be enjoyed and THAT sweetest part of your life is NOT to be forfeited to enable another who doesn’t want to go through the divine processes that are mandatory for EVERY human being to go through in this world!
Also, I want you to realize that in every bunch there will be at least one that just won’t listen! Let THEM feel the weight of their mistakes! If they want to behave in a manner that is AGAINST the good teachings that you have laid down night after night, year after year to them, then let YOUR words resonate in their mind as they sit there for countless hours in a cold, dark prison cell!
The point that I am trying to make is that while they are your kids and will always have a special connection to you for the rest of your life, there IS a point where you end and they begin. What I mean by this is that after a time, they can reason, think, crave, and desire what they want in their OWN lives. And they will do what THEY want to do regardless of how much we agree or disagree. All we can do is hope that we have immersed them in enough of the good so that when they go OUT into the world with its countless temptations, they make the right decisions that would be pleasing to us as parents.
That’s all we can do………
Do not beat yourself over the head because of your choices. Do not try to figure it out or make sense of it all, every generation has its way of doing things but one thing that you must know for sure is that while fads and gimmicks will come and go, PRINCIPLES NEVER DIE! And if you have taken years to instill the proper and just principles within your offspring, take heed and comfort in knowing that they will ALWAYS have something of substance to come home to and if they choose to live wrong then YOU can sleep well at night because YOU have done what YOU were supposed to!
So know this Good Mother, that as long as YOU did what God has led YOU to do in your choices as a Good Mother, then you must ALWAYS hold your head high as the representative of that Godly love that your positioning required you to manifest. Let NO ONE from outside and abroad, judge you ignorantly because THEY have not walked in your shoes, THEY have not felt the hunger in your belly that you have chosen to endure willingly as a sacrifice because there wasn’t enough food to go around, so guess who didn’t eat? YOU! Do the naysayers know this? NO! But they can run their mouth as though they were there every step of the way but they know NOTHING of your struggle!
So when your children say that you haven’t done enough, when they scorn you as the worst mother in the world because they cannot have their way, when they compare you to others who couldn’t even measure up to you in ANY category, know that God has his tally of your struggles, God knows the things that others don’t want to hear when you try to talk to them and God, in the end, will undo all wrongs against you and make the pain vanish…….
This is what our God knows because out of ALL of the jobs out here in the world that one can undertake, whether it be a police officer, scientist, lawyer, pediatrician, preacher, or cleaning lady……..no matter WHAT you can think up, there is NO OTHER position more difficult and more important that has MORE of a ripple effect to the very foundation of our society, it’s people and the ENTIRE WORLD more so than the position of humbly being…
……..A GOOD MOTHER!
Never forget that!
Someone needs to know this, and if not you then someone you know!
Share these words with them……
Soothe their soul with them and please let them know that everything is going to be alright!
Someone VERY powerful and all-knowing told me to tell you that!