It’s the dilemma of the ages! Step kids! Love ’em or hate ’em it’s a fact of life for many of us and it can also be a deal-breaker in many relationships as many of us have experience firsthand the drama that can come out of an “attempted” union with one who has children that simply do not like you because “you ain’t my daddy” or “you ain’t my mommy!”
But to be honest about it, it isn’t always a situation where the children of your better half are a problem. I have to give my props to all of those relationships where the parent of the children has taken the time to communicate to them about the subtle dynamics of what they have romantically and the role that their mate will play in their lives as not to step on the toes of the memory/image of their other parent.
I also have to say that it doesn’t make a situation undesirable because a woman or man already has children, the bottom line is that it wasn’t always something that was under their control that placed them in that situation in the first place.
Allow me paint a few scenarios before I move forward in speaking on the direction that I want this particular program to go in and the answers that I seek.
Number one, let me use the common example of the woman who has children even though their are many wonderful single dads out here in the world doing the right thing by their young ones. Take a woman who has kids and no man in sight, it may not be that she was a drama Queen or some dysfunctional woman to whom no man could get along with.
It may be that she lost her husband to an illness or that he may be deceased because of an accident. This is an unfortunate reality for many and while she may be ready to move on and become involved with someone new, the children may receive her moving forward as a slap in the face to the memory of their father who may have been a great loving father.
How can you fault them for having such intense feelings when their father is all that they’ve known?
I would NOT categorize these youngsters as step kids from hell because they have a legitimate origin for their feelings even though they would have to eventually get their negative aggressions toward the step father in check sooner more than later.
Another scenario is that the woman who is the Mother of those wayward children might be single because she was physically/emotionally or mentally abused by her ex husband/ spouse/ boyfriend (It doesn’t make the man any less of a father to those children because he may not have been married to their Mother, that’s still Daddy!), and have mixed emotions because they are resentful of the change of lifestyle especially if their Father at one time lived at that same residence and they no longer see him there.
While they may have a perception of the abuse that “Mommy” went through, they oftentimes have a strong mental mechanism that allows them to block that out and fill in the mental gaps that were continue to be so painful when they think about it.
Heck, if they were used to their Father being alive and walking through that same door every night, it would sure be difficult to erase that memory especially when there is ANOTHER MAN coming into that same dwelling and going in the room at night with their Mommy! That’s a straight violation and I can understand that to the hilt! But also the ages of the children can make a big difference in how they react to the introduction of a new man into the picture because a preteen in single digit ages may rant and rave harmlessly but a teenager that is soon to graduate high school just might manifest their resentment in an outright physical or verbal assault or attempted food poisoning if the anger has built up to the point of exploding!
At that point ANYTHING is possible. Been there. Experienced that.
So do know by the previous examples that I am quite aware that most children have a heck of an uphill battle to climb emotionally and have the cards stacked against them in most cases because the Mother, no matter how much she can sympathize, will ever be able to completely see it their way because of the intimate relationship that she has with her new mate.
Now I also have to say that the Mother can and will appear quite different to her children because of the new blending of energy between her and her new spouse. Let me be blunt, when you are having sex with someone new, you are joining on to them in a way that can be felt by all others in your personal life.
The “shift” can be quite evident even to children even if they don’t really know what it is. They can take this shift as a form of abandonment because you are “not the same Mommy that you used to be” anymore.
Understand that the children are ultra sensitive even more than you could ever understand.
Now! Let us get to where I want this program to go – to those children who are usually of middle school to high school age, feel as though they are already grown up and have an agenda to reject that new step father at all costs no matter how good of a man he is! We are going in surgically on these types who are hellbent on running their Mother’s new man away for good without giving peace a try and embracing drama with every breath that they take!
There are many teenagers like this and they can appear just as normal and engaging in order to fool their Mother into thinking that it is her new mate that has an issue with them! This scenario is even MORE compounded when you have more than one child and becomes even more difficult for the man to stay if they work together as a team to bring him misery.
We will speak about the tactics of these hell-raisers and we will speak on how to neutralize their aggressions to the point of being nonexistent forevermore! (Yes, there ARE ways of dealing with them but you first must understand that this battle can rage on for years and sometimes will only cease when those same children have moved out of the house!
We will discuss what must be done to maintain a strong loving relationship in the midst of the internal attacks and deceptions as well as the roles that each adult must play and what tasks the Mother has to complete in order to bring peace back into the household.
Hopefully we can gain precious insight by our shared wisdom and help keep a romance alive because everyone deserves to be loved and no one, not even your children has the right to deny you that basic God given right! Be warned everyone, we are going to go in on this topic DEEP! It might be so deep that we may have to go into extra hours on an after-show if the ebb and flow of energy call for it! You KNOW I will! DON’T MISS THIS SHOW FOR THE WORLD! as always, I WILL make it worth your while!