Have you ever been in a relationship where you KNOW that you love your significant other and they love you but for some reason it just seems as though something is missing?
This is a very common situation that many people are experiencing yet no one seems to want to address. Everything can otherwise be euphoric in the relationship but there is that “little something” that just isn’t connecting. You wonder to yourself if maybe you just might be too picky and should appreciate what you already have and may also wonder if you are just imagining the perceived lack somewhere in the union so you just sweep that feeling under the rug and continue on with the relationship as usual.
And yes, it isn’t an overwhelming dire feeling that keeps you from having a wonderful time when you spend that quality time with your boo but at the same time it is a haunting feeling of lack that lurks just beyond your understanding and can appear like that spook that you would see in the corner of your eye when you were a kid after watching a horror movie but never seemed to be there no matter how fast you turned your head to catch him in full view.
Many times we could merely be expecting too much out of our mate and need to appreciate the qualities that they possess and take it from there. Whenever we feel as though something is missing on a minor level we should first do our own personal”gut check” to see if in fact WE are the issue or if we are bringing some level of malfunction that is causing the initial blockage in the first place. What I have learned from experience is that as long as both parties in the union are fair communicators then with a little brainstorming most challenges in the love/intimacy department can be easily surmounted.
But what does one do when that little feeling of needing “more” just doesn’t seem to go away and your mate has no clue as to what you are experiencing even after a direct talk about it? I would say that this is a very dangerous situation to be in and a serious recipe for disaster just like the damaged cracked body of a cruise ship ignored during the routine inspection before sailing out on the high seas, something that might seem minor now could become a major issue and sink the entire relationship and cause you to lose everything that you both took so long to build.
You aren’t arguing. There are no infidelities. The sex life is still wonderful. You both are basking in a financially sufficient climate. You both have endeavors and hobbies of your own that bring joy in your time apart.
So why is this feeling of not connecting completely still hanging around?
My feeling on this issue is that you both possibly are spending the wrong “love currency” on each other.
Have you ever traveled to a far away land and were jolted into reality once you got there when you realized that you money just wasn’t accepted there and you had to go to a bank to change over your money into what was accepted there in that particular nation?
We as Americans or anyone traveling from a dominant nation can sometimes forget that there are other lands out here that do their own business on their own aside from us and when we go there must submit to the rules of their society and that means changing over our money into something that they will accept.
So you might be asking just What does this have to do with a loving relationship and the nagging feeling of lack therein?
Well, think about it, our emotions are like our own brand of currency with us being our own countries. We are raised with our own set of unique experiences which have formed our own perspective of the world around us and how we receive all scenarios that we experience in our lives. While great communication is a necessary prerequisite to having a stable and fruitful relationship, many of us should submit ourselves to each other for an extensive emotional “audit” to detail the feelings that lurk behind the facade of what we assume our mate is thinking or feeling. Ninety-nine percent of the time is will always be a minor issue but like that crack in the body of the ship, if not sealed and fixed properly it could possibly become something out of control to cause other issues in your relationship.
Situations like this could be the undetected barrier that keeps one from “letting go” completely to enjoy the bliss that you KNOW the both of you can experience.
That feeling alone can be so annoying…….
It’s like being far away and hungry with no place to sleep while having a check for $50,000 dollars in your pocket with the banks being closed, it means nothing if you can’t initiate the transaction to unlock its power.
It’s like being locked out of your home in the cold while just a few inches away is a warm comfortable dwelling just waiting for you to come on inside to relax.
It’s like having some snobbish dinner guests over for a meal while that one roach who got away from the smashing wrath of your workboot appears crawling brazenly up the wall BEHIND your guests as if to say “you can’t touch me now!”
What I am trying to get at is that to be so close yet so far in a relationship can be one of the most frustrating feelings know to mankind.
Don’t lose out on something good because of a few minor “tweeks” that need to be done. Understand that you already have it all and what frustrations might be experienced are only minor obstacles to overcome.
Be leery of those who come around you who may attempt to inflame the frustrations that you may already have in an attempt to cause more of a rift to an issue that may not even have been worth sharing with that friend in the first place. Everyone who calls themselves a friend may not always be that in actuality.
Also know that professional help is not beyond the scope of what might be necessary, it doesn’t mean that you are flawed and that you are unable to fix the issue. But why tinker with something so sensitive that you may not know how to approach that someone who is trained to handle can take care of almost effortlessly?
Never rule it out. But understand that we must always do a maintenance check of our emotional systems in a loving relationship as to not allow our different methods of thinking to creep in and cause an issue with how we relate to each other. Understand that we must find that common denominator of understanding and convert our outlooks to a compatible currency that we can use in each others emotional banks.
Sometimes while we may think that a situation is okay it may not be that way with our mate. We might now think it is a big deal to leave a few dirty dishes in the sink until the morning but maybe your spouse finds it impossible to sleep right knowing that something has gone neglected and despises leaving a task undone for tomorrow that could be taken care of today.
Something as simple as that can be the beginning of the end for an otherwise wonderful relationship.
You must make sure to take the time to explore each others inner universes so that you don’t find yourself losing out on the love of your life!