Why is it that the strongest of us in an extended family unit become the designated weight bearer of all shunned responsibility when our weaker kin refuse to commit to rectifying THEIR bad choices?
These irresponsible leeches waltz through life so carefree and dapper with the greatest of ease knowing that they have total access to your vast financial (They always seem to think you have a secret money stash even when you might be broke!) resources and tapping into it is just a mere phone call away!
While you have some unstable lazy family members who feel they are empowered to purchase “any car on the lot” or taking their pals out for a “night of drinking” while expecting you to cosign the note or foot the tab because of YOUR good credit, assets & work history! Why are they the ones who are so fast to want to “treat” the masses like Jesus did with the fish and bread by dispersing your resources generously without even having the courtesy to ask?
Imagine coming home tired but ready to cook a great turkey dinner only to hear that “Sister Needy came over earlier when you were at work (Why can’t they be at work too?) and told me her ‘fridge was empty, so I gave her those two turkeys out of the freezer and two bags of groceries to hold her over until the weekend.” (Hold her over! Does she plan on coming BACK?)
Now YOUR plans must change because this virus of a person took charge and made decisions with YOUR food! And even IF Sister Needy NEEDED the stuff, at least someone could have called your job. Heck, you get calls at the job when the CABLE is cut off don’t you?
And that Sister Needy (We all know one like her!), she always comes around when you are not around to ask for something because she knows that she will GET IT quicker from the freeloader in your home because he/she has the strong need to be in a position of being in charge and to feel important! But that’s ANOTHER story and blog subject! LOL!
It doesn’t always have to be a family member or and in-law, it could also be friends! How many of us have known of a person (Or maybe ourselves) who took in a female friend who has endured for years in an abusive relationship getting physically beat down on a regular basis as well as the mental and emotional abuse?
You thought that you were doing a good thing as you allowed her full and total access to your home so that she could at least have a few weeks of quiet time to heal up and figure out the best direction for her life to take. You’ve pleaded with her for years to escape the abuse as her growth on the personal and professional fronts have all but come to a halt because of her connections to this man.
You’ve spent endless hours soothing her as she cried out her pain.
You’ve given her money as she needed even when she DIDN’T ask you.
She seems to be getting better but as she does, you found out from a mutual friend that she was seen at the mall with her abusive boyfriend holding hands and acting lovey dovey.
You realize that you are being taken for a good ride! The irony is that after she left without even as much as a thank you, you were told how bad she spoke of you and shared whatever insignificant personal little inside secrets that she was privvy to learning of when she was there.
What took the cake was when you heard from a mutual friend that the reason you tried to tell her not to go back to that abusive man was because you were jealous of her and didn’t want to see them together!
Now two months later she shows up to your door again with TWO black eyes telling you that she has no where else to stay…….
She would then be immediately directed to the nearest park bench or homeless shelter seconds before the door slammed in her face………
Back to the “in-house” family dead beats…….
If they could, most will find themselves happily luxuriating in YOUR home, laid back on the sofa with their musty toe jam sportin’ feet up on your coffee table and the brand new “all in one” remote control in their hand (And they know how to work it better than you do, that’s why you have to always ask THEM how to use it!) enjoying the fruits of your labor while YOU work two and three jobs! Your home has become an extended stay flophouse hotel and you are the last to know or even worse haven’t the slightest clue.
Once they are secure with their claws embedded deep into your tired work fatigued buttcheeks, they will now display the brazen traits of a person made to feel secure by your lacking the testicular fortitude to set the record straight about the rules and regulations that you were SUPPOSED to have them completely understand and established long before they set foot into your home as you’ve allowed them to turn a mere visit into an official LIFETIME ADOPTION!
I’ve heard one case of a jobless dead weight family member at home having the nerve to call their step father’s job to tell him that the cable has been cut off and he needs to know where the money stash is to be able to pay the cable guy right there on the spot because he can’t afford to miss the game that will be on soon! Can’t afford to miss the game?
Don’t make me say the “N” word!
Dang! You can’t afford to even take care of your OWN non productive self yet you have the nerve to call another man while he is working to keep a free roof over YOUR head to ask for HIS money so you can sit back and watch a game! I say we need to keep the “N” word in circulation for people like THIS! For there is no word too harsh nor too cutting for a sad example of a person such as this!
They even push their chest out so proudly to the world with a stolen sense of accomplishment from the achievements that YOU’VE earned and sacrificed with sweat, blood and tears over the years for! Every victory earned and accomplished personally by you (Promotions & raises!) makes their heart joyous because that’s less required of them to achieve! They revel in your success, why not? Its more for them to take FROM you! This is why they will treat you so well when you have a life threatening illness, they want to strengthen their argument to the other leeches who masquerade as caring family members so that if you kick the bucket, they can stand strong in the argument that THEY deserve your possessions!
You become the face of the enemy when you break the lifetime chains of dysfunction and demand accountability! You become the enemy even more so if it is a situation that you joined onto was through marriage or shacking up, you see, after the initial “love fest” assimilation period is over with your in-laws, you will learn how much love they really have for you when you do not fall into place as an brand new “out the box” super enabler to the preexisting state of imbalance through co dependence and the dysfunctions that are inherited to the younger members of that family.
The do nothing freeloaders who are motivationally deficient have shrewdly warped the perceptions of the rest of their family members against YOU in order to position themselves to maintain their slothful access to YOUR resources as they treat the righteous concepts of accountability and responsibility as four letter words!
These other family members will foolishly and automatically attack you because in comparison to that leech who started it all, they are at least a known component and not like you who are a new ingredient to the salty soup that is THEIR family!
Communication is the key, so when you find an individual who has situations within there family where they do not communicate, realize that this is a terrible sign indeed! I have personally experienced families who practice what I call mass generational non communication, and the results to their lives have been literally disastrous!
You can look them dead in the eye and make a very important inquiry and they will sit right there in front of you and refuse to answer! I refused to accept this type of madness and have personally tossed those types right out of the front door!
Who cares if the rest don’t “love” you anymore, this can’t bother you when you always knew that they really never loved you in the first place! LOL!
So if you as much as SNIFF the potential for something like this to transpire in your life with a family that you hope to join unto I say make sure the boundaries are set and make sure that NO ONE is allowed to bring their sick practices and delusional expectations up under your roof for as long as you live! Your peace of mind, well being and happiness depend on you taking action in not ever being used in this manner!
Contact Lance Scurvin at: LanceScurv@yahoo.com
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