Ain’t nothing wrong with being a scratch and dent woman.
If you as a woman have lived for any substantial amount of time in this world you are almost guaranteed to have gone through some traumatic life changing situation that will escort you arm in arm through life. These events will most definitely alter your perception in every section, nook and cranny of your life and make you a scratch and dent woman.
It’s only normal.
If you were the unfortunate victim of a sexual predator, you have no choice but to be leery of the intentions of anyone who is in your midst. It would be strange for you not to be. You didn’t choose that situation and it was not you fault.
Yet many have embraced and internalized the pain from that violation without any therapy and have expected to function at the capacity that they would have without acknowledging the initial act of violation. This in turn creates a ripple effect throughout their life that will impact ALL of their relationships negatively because of the residual toxicity that lurks below the surface undetected by the individuals who are engaged in the various levels of relationship exchange.
The closer one is to this type of individual (Child, mate, neighbor, friend etc.), the higher and more lethal the dose. Now I am not stating that the reason that a person would be a scratch and dent woman is because she was violated in their youth, no! While that COULD be a reason, I find that it may be a myriad of reasons for this phenomenon to transpire as frequently as it does with our women.
Aside from the unfortunate violations that have happened to her that were not her fault, there are the bad choices in men, the lack of taking the time to know themselves instead of defining themselves by some frivolously external and superficial standard, bad examples and low standards absorbed from youth of what a woman should aspire to be (Head shaking, argumentative, loud and combative) and a multitude of other dead end learned behaviors actually set the future scratch and dent woman in denial up for an extreme disappointment and oftentimes realization that they’ve gotten this life all wrong and have wasted so much time in a narrow bubble that they can either decide to grow beyond and develop as a total person or they can continue to live in denial of a bigger world and broader mindset and remain bitter in the stifling plane that they exist on.
This pain and bitterness is usually masked behind the shallow facade of attempting to have it all together while stating constantly that she doesn’t need a man to help her do what she can do for herself or that she can do bad all by herself.
Most nights the intense orgasms are enjoyed alone while the tears of loneliness fall down on her pretty face at the same time.
A bittersweet combo indeed, she never expected it to ever be this way.
All the while secretly beating her head against the wall in wondering why she doesn’t have a man so she settles once again for just any man and reaps the benefit of a bad choice and the cycle continues…….
You see, again I say that there is no problem being a scratch and dent woman but the issue I have is when one acts as though they are flawless, new, unused and out of the box trying to hoodwink others into thinking that their shit is brand new!
If you have those deeply embedded emotional scars that have come from the battles in life that you’ve had to endure, don’t hide them, EMBRACE THEM because it is a hard earned badge that says you are a survivor! And if you are a survivor then you need to understand that some damage has been retained and a healing must take place in order to make you a better woman than ever before! The woman that God meant for you to be!
But you cannot get to that place until you acknowledge the situations that have made you bitter so that you can grow from it instead of being defined by it! You are not your scars ladies, but until you cleanse them with the antibacterial soap of realism before soaking them in the balm of love as well as covering them with the gauze of the true wisdom of the Creator and his word then you will NEVER find peace in anything that you do!
You will never “find” that man who is probably already there in your life because your wounds are so deep and the pain from them so excruciating that your verbal roar from the pain that he didn’t create probably scares him away! Early on after you both have first met you sure looked like the real thing, you’ve talked like the real thing but when the real you (Who never acknowledged your need for healing!) came out because of a unfortunate knee jerk reaction, it paled in comparison to the stellar production that you shared with the world!
Those shrewdly concealed flaws of the scratch and dent woman in denial will always rear its ugly head in due time……
The problem with all of us, both men and women is that we work so hard to appear as a happy, contented and well balanced individual when in fact we have a lot of work to do in our personal lives.
More so with some more than others obviously.
But we have got to understand that from the minute that we were born into this world we were inundated with stimuli that wasn’t always quite the best thing for us. Many of us as we got older realized that our parents or caregivers may not have been the brightest in the bunch as far as knowing the proper ways to raise us so we had no choice but to inherit their rhythms wholesale and suffered the consequences from going unarmed out into the world with those hand me down idiosyncrasies.
Not a good deal at all.
As time moved on, you’ve begun to realize the inherit personality flaws that you were basking in from an early age and possibly made the healthiest decision to rid yourself of this unnecessary mindset that you’ve had to bear like a heavy cross. But one person can’t do it all on their own but because of the stigma of getting help on a mental level in the Black community, oftentimes we forge ahead as though everything is just fine while deep down inside we know that it’s not.
This type of thinking needs to stop!
It’s okay to have acquired those scratch and dents from the battles that we’ve had to endure in life but it’s another thing to act as though they don’t exist! This is not fair to the man that might give you his life in matrimony and it’s not fair to you because with so much crud on your emotional filters, you will not be enabled to digest the bliss that your man so freely gives you to absorb.
You won’t be able to because your pores are blocked!
Acknowledge that you need work and you need healing and the quality of your life decisions will improve as well as that overall sense of well being that one experiences from having a venom free life that has put way all things negative and has actually banished and vanished all of the scratches and dents that you used to have because you will be a new creature saved from your past!
So when a man gets a refurbished from past drama scratch and dent woman who is NOT in denial he has a good thing. Because she knows that she is durable, fully functional and stronger than ever before as as having a certified track record for being a proven product!
So let us make the first step toward healing and know that it will NOT be an overnight process, it will take time, more for some than for others. But at the end of the day you would have broken the generational curse that may have been a stronghold over your life to the point where you my have been alive but really never knew what it is like to live!
Out with the old and in with the new starting right now!
New Years Day is NOT the only day of the year for new beginnings…….
Everyday is the first day of the rest of your life and a clean slate for change.
Never forget that!