No matter where I am or whoever I speak with when the subject of child support comes up there is always a fiery response that will eventually arrive into the conversation no matter how calm the issue is addressed initially.
The responses will be as diverse as the grains of sand on a lonely Florida beach and as vast as the amount of stars in the sky on a clear freezing pre-blizzard winter night.
If you speak with 100 people about this highly emotional and touchy subject you will most likely get 150 heartfelt responses where each person feels as though their take on it is the correct stance.
And if the truth be told, they all are probably correct according to their personal situation and experience.
This is what makes this an ongoing debate that has raged across the beauty salons and barber shops across the diaspora because while almost everyone will agree that a child needs to be supported on so many levels intangible and concrete, money has to be there as the all important oil in the engine of their lives.
The real issues and differences in opinion come in when it must be decided how much money is sufficient to provide for a child’s upbringing and basic care. You see, since everyone’s financial situation is completely different as well as the remaining residues of the relationship no matter how long a relationship it was between the parents or brief the encounter was to create that innocent child, it will definitely influence all parties involved as to where the money agreements and limits will be drawn.
Not only is it a very complicated scenario, but it is a very emotional one to say the least.
Perceptions will have a lot to do with how much fire is introduced into the proceedings. Let’s play around with a few possible scenarios to get an idea of how deep this thing can go. (As if you don’t really know!)
Now let me state that ALL children are innocent no matter WHAT the situation that brought them into this world and by no means am I stating or inferring in the following theoretic statements that one child’s innocent position is to be favored over the other. I am merely trying to paint a picture of the hidden agendas and viciousness that can transpire in the name of securing a fair amount of money to be empowered to give that child a fair shot at a prosperous life by not depriving them of anything necessary in their formative years.
Now that I got THAT off of my chest, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty…….
You have some custodial Mothers who rant on and on about how no good and sorry their “baby-daddy” is in front of the child/children in an attempt to turn them against the Father in the long run.
You have some deadbeat dads that refuse to work because they don’t want to even pay a dime of child support to their ex-wives or children’s mother (Baby-momma, ain’t that so damn ghetto? I can’t believe that I am seriously using these terms!)
You also have the ex who can’t stand the fact that their child’s father has moved on with his life with another woman (Usually an upgrade!) an is using the courts to punish him at every move because of her jealous feelings toward his happy life.
You can also have a man who is angry that his ex has moved on and will try to manipulate his children emotionally in order to get back at her new life because he was known as an abusive control freak!
Then you have the stereotypical hoochie mama who has become an independent booty contractor who brings a life into this world fully expecting to get paid by the government AND the unwilling father who at one time was a very willing sperm donor who just got caught ’cause he really wasn’t planning one sticking around too long anyway!
There are more examples than you can shake a court order at and they get crazier as each case gets read!
But all the while the children feel like mere pawns to a bigger game and hustle that their little minds can’t understand but can pick up the cues on and they just know something isn’t right and wholesome about it.
Alway’s remember that our children are NOT stupid!
But how DARE we use the children as mere ping pong balls in a sick twisted game of spite and power play because of out OWN blood lust to get revenge on that SAME person to whom we laid down with to even MAKE that child?
It seems almost like a nightmare to remember the freakish things that you did and the empty promises made when you both were “down in it” in the throes of passion!
Remember that old song by the Persuaders – It’s A Thin Line Between Love & Hate?
It doesn’t take much for someone to experience all of the passion that they felt before turn all the way around into hate. Literally.
I mean people are getting KILLED out here over the perception that they were done wrong!
Child support is really the least of it! Especially since so many of us are going through some rough times anyway because of a lagging economy and an unimaginative mind to make money creatively because of being caught up in the “I’m going to make that negro pay for HIS responsibilities (and my hair appointments, rent, car, food, light and nails getting done!)” or “That bi*ch ain’t gettin’ one thin dime out of me” syndrome!
Imagine how the good old folks down at the courthouse feel when they have to witness everyone’s dirty laundry being aired out in the most undignified of ways?
They are probably sick and tired of it and most likely have their own issues at home or in their lives to deal with, but that IS their job and I guess it beats the old reruns of those tired television shows.
But on the serious side no matter what the statistics or particulars of a person’s individual child support case I would imagine that it is not only quite painful, but also downright embarrassing if the parties involved don’t carry themselves in a dignified manner. It would surely be a long stretch of the imagination to think that every child support case will bring out the Sha-nay-nay in our women!
I believe what fuels a lot of the tensions between the former lovers is that there is a feeling that their best years were wasted on a failed relationship (That IS if they ever considered themselves to be a couple and not a situation of a late night secret booty call gone wrong! Yikes!)
The lesson here is to really think before you make the leap! Being horny coupled with a shot or two of your favorite alcoholic beverage can turn too people who will eventually be each other’s lifetime designated mortal enemies who want to kill on sight passionate lovers who promise each other the world while deeply engaged in that sense altering natural drug called sex!
That’s right! SEX IS A DRUG and there are a lot of crackheads out here! Believe that!
Trust me, everyone who is down at the child support court at each others necks used to get along quite fine! Of COURSE they did! Don’t they have a child or two…….OR THREE?
But if the truth be told we ALL are human beings and we never know what the outcome will be when we move forward with someone as we all hope for the best. My thing is that we all need to take a little more time to know each other and really make sure that WE are ready to start a family because at the end of the day the only one’s that should not have to deal with OUR petty mess are the children, we sometimes seem to forget this and actually compound the problems for them because when they look back on their childhood the only thing they will remember are the nasty words thrown over their heads back and forth that robbed them of their childhood.
Have a little more consideration about how you communicate in front of your child! The effects on their psyche can be downright devastating and sets them back at having a shot at a successful life. Not that they couldn’t achieve a prosperous future regardless of the circumstances because many have overcome but it would be so much better if they didn’t have to deal with YOUR collective issues in the first place!