There’s a sickness that runs deep in our community, a toxic mindset that allows some people to take, take, and take—without ever thinking to give. It’s not just a matter of balance or fairness. No, these people don’t even try to return the energy. They drain you mentally, emotionally, and financially, yet when the time comes for you to need something—anything—they vanish.
I’ve seen it my whole life. It started in bodybuilding, where people constantly came to me for advice, asking me how to train, what to eat, how to build their bodies up. I never charged a dime. I poured my knowledge into them because I genuinely wanted to see them improve. But did they ever say, Hey, let me spot you for once? Did they ever offer me anything in return? Not a damn thing.
Then I got into social media, creating content, building a platform, making a name for myself. That’s when the leeches really showed up. People wanted to be on my show, wanted me to promote their projects, their businesses, their Cash Apps, their Zelles, their PayPals. They had no shame about bringing their donation links to my platform, expecting to get paid. But when it came time for them to click one button to share my content, they suddenly lost their energy. They could take, but they couldn’t even lift a finger to give back.
This is a deep problem in the Black community. Let’s break down the different types of users and leeches we encounter in our daily lives.
1. The Family Freeloader
These are the ones who assume that because you’re family, you owe them something. They never contribute, but they’re always first in line when it’s time to receive. They don’t care how hard you worked to build yourself up. To them, your success is theirs to benefit from.
They borrow money and never pay it back. They need a ride, a favor, a place to stay—but let you need anything from them, and suddenly, they have amnesia. They’ll hit you with, You know I would help you, but… and then comes a long excuse about why they can’t.
The So-Called Friend
These ones only pop up when they need something. You ever notice how some people never check on you unless they need a ride, need help moving, need to “borrow” something, or want a hook-up?
You’re the one who always picks up the phone, always makes the plans, always puts in the effort. But when you step back and wait to see if they reach out first? Silence. Ghost town.
A true friend reciprocates. If you’re always giving and never receiving, that’s not a friendship—that’s a one-sided transaction.
3. The Church Parasite
Oh, let’s talk about the church! These are the ones who sit up in the house of worship every week, hands stretched out, asking for help, for donations, for kindness. But do they ever give back?
These folks will borrow money in the name of God, swear up and down that they’ll pay it back, and then disappear. But let the tables turn, and you need a favor? They’ll hit you with, Let me pray on it—which is just a spiritual way of saying No, but I won’t say it outright.
4. The Workplace Moocher
This one shows up at work. They never bring their own lunch, but they’re always hungry when you have yours. They don’t contribute to group projects, but they’re quick to take credit. They expect you to cover for them, but they’ll never return the favor.
They see you grinding, see you putting in the work, and instead of admiring your hustle, they see an opportunity to piggyback off of your success.
5. The Neighborhood Beggar
This one is always asking for something—a ride, some sugar, a few dollars. They always “forgot” their wallet, always have some excuse. But these same folks, when you need something? They suddenly don’t have it. They will even ask you to fund a home project that benefits them alone, only to kindly “forget” to ever mention paying it back and when you ask them they will catch an attitude! These types MUST know that they could never ask for anything ever again and you have to thank the Creator that they’ve revealed themselves to prevent any future leeching.
They’ll have the audacity to side-eye you when you stop helping, as if you’re the problem. But the truth is, you just stopped letting them use you.
Why Do We Do This to Each Other?
In the Black community, this pattern runs deep. We have too many people with a crabs in a barrel mentality—if they can’t rise, they’ll pull you down instead. They don’t support each other, they don’t lift each other up. Instead, they expect to drain those who are actually trying to do something.
This is a form of self-hate. A real community gives as much as it takes. But too many of us only know how to take. We don’t want to see each other shine unless we’re the ones benefiting directly. That’s why so many of us get stuck—we don’t understand reciprocity.
How to Cut Users Off Without Guilt
Some people will make you feel guilty for setting boundaries. They’ll say, You’ve changed, as if that’s a bad thing. But here’s the truth: You didn’t change. You just stopped letting them take advantage of you.
If you recognize a user in your life, it’s time to:
✔ Stop giving—If they never give back, they don’t deserve your energy.
✔ Set boundaries—Make it clear that you’re not an unlimited resource.
✔ Say NO without guilt—You don’t owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace.
✔ Surround yourself with givers—Real relationships are about balance.
At the end of the day, time is the one thing you can’t get back. If someone doesn’t respect your time, they don’t respect you. Cut them loose and keep moving.
The Final Word
I’ve spent a lifetime giving to people who never once thought to give back. I learned the hard way that some people only come around when they need something. They don’t care about you—they care about what you can do for them.
Black people, we have to do better. We have to stop using and start supporting each other. If someone is building something, share it. If someone is hustling, support them. We can’t move forward as a people if we keep sucking each other dry.
And if you’re one of those users? It’s time to check yourself. Because sooner or later, the well runs dry—and then you’ll see who really has your back.
Right on the money Mr.Scurv. You know what’s funny? People get an attitude because they act as if you owe them something. There have been times where I used a vehicle to drive people all over the place to run errands. A couple of them did right by me. Others didn’t, especially that next door neighbor you mentioned and a high school friend I grew up with. They expect you to drop what you’re doing to accommodate them forgetting that gas and car expenses cost money. Them when they get paid, they give me a few dollars, but they have money for tobacco, weed and other stuff don’t they? And guess what? I cut those vampires off because they did nothing but drain me.
People that you worship with are a trip too. Worshippers trying to bum money off of fellow believers because they don’t want to work and get their own. Some will use God’s name as an excuse to get personal favors when they know they couldn’t pull that with a regular joker on the street. Could you help me move? Could you do this or that? Jehovah God will bless you for it. I know what I need to do in order to get his blessing so don’t use the Creator as a excuse to use take advantage of people. I know exactly what you’re talking about Brother Lance. Trifling n*****. Smh.