We Readily Gorge The Deadly Dessert But Shun The Nutritious Main Course: Why Are We So Afraid To Commit?

In this life if you live it long enough you will surely understand what is meant when you hear that popular saying; “Nothing In Life Is Guaranteed.”

I personally know the full meaning of this statement to the fullest extent of its power because many times in this life I’ve always been in a situation where something seemed to be a sure thing but was immediately snatched from my grasp even though I was merely inches away from reaching my goal.

This type of major frustration could be realized in a number of scenarios, loss of a promotion on a job or just plain old not getting a job that you felt you were a “shoe-in” to get. It could be a disappointment romantically, where you felt so strongly about an individual who you were involved with that you thought they just might be “the one” to spend your remaining time on this earth with only to be let down from that euphoric feeling of Heavenly bliss because of some unacceptable character flaw. Usually some gross form of infidelity.


While there are a few who have the ability to get up from these tragic situations and brush it off like it never happened, most of us “lose” something deep within and just don’t have the enthusiasm that we had prior to that particular disappointment.

We never forget.


We let our past hurts affect our present life and many times our newly adopted psychological outlook that borders on paranoia has actually damaged the good thing that came along that is better for us!


We’ve all overheard these verbal exchanges before that support my prior statement whether it be in the beauty parlor of supermarket checkout line:…… “I don’t know WHAT is wrong with Shirley!

That new guy loved her to DEATH, and ALWAYS waited on her hand and foot but she was just TOO AFRAID to make that move after he offered to buy her that brand new car and put that new house in HER name if she would just go on and  marry him! I guess she can’t get over that other guy she lived with for 11 years who used to blacken her eyes every week after he would come home from the club drunk and smelling like another woman’s private parts!”

And while the example that you may be acquainted with might actually be slightly different than the one above, they all possess the same elements of pain and disappointment.


So what are WE supposed to do when encountering such hurt? Most of us KNOW that we are to have faith and work through it over time with the power of prayer, fasting and inner reflection/meditation, but the sad fact of the matter is that we carry “just a piece” of this experience with us throughout the rest of our lives if truth be told!


And if we have many little pieces attached to our emotional/mental outlook, it will actually warp our view of reality and clog our ability to enjoy a fruitful, productive and fulfilling life!


In other words we have become emotionally constipated, and comparable to the state of constipation, not only are we unable to pass out the old crud that lives in our hearts, but we are handicapped from absorbing the new experiences properly and if we somehow do they get tainted in the pool of our unpassed emotional fecal matter!


It is SO unfair to the new entities in your life who had absolutely NOTHING to do with causing your past hurts!


This unpassed emotional crud, that in actuality is YOUR responsibility to clean out, makes it literally impossible for your new friends, acquaintances and good blessings to truly experience the good that you KNOW exists deep within your being but keeps those very same great qualities from ever surfacing for the world to see because its like hot butter in the frying pan keeping the eggs from sticking to the pan’s surface!


You rob YOUR world from enjoying the real you and your lack of emotional/spiritual “gut” cleaning keeps any good around you from ever being able to touch your life in any meaningful way!

Many will not possess the wisdom to look past the stench of the old crud that you still hold on to and will SWEAR up and down that this toxic example is the TRUE you!


Well what do you expect them to think? Especially if the situation is compounded by their OWN set of crud (Dodo is what we are talking about here, let’s NOT get it twisted!) that their emotional colons are packed up with!


So maybe now you can understand one aspect of why we are afraid to make any commitment to another human being?


We go to the shopping mall and comb the stores intensely searching for the finest of clothing to wear but we avoid looking within to rid ourselves of the mindset that is so repulsive to others yet we wonder why we can’t find the perfect mate?

Ladies, you know I love you all but they say “ladies first” so let us have a little talk here that “might” hit home…….


Many of you will hold on to the thought that “God has someone for me and He will bring him to me one day, all I have to do is just wait on the Lord to bring me MY Boaz……!”


While sweetheart maybe the Lord has already brought you YOUR Boaz but he ran away when he saw that pile of funky unwashed clothes in your bedroom (On his way to use your restroom  he took a peek into your bedroom! Anyone would especially when you forgot and left the door cracked!)  that NEVER moved for two months. Sure! Its your right to do ANYTHING that you want to do under the roof that you work so hard for to keep over your head but do know that your obvious habits or lack thereof are a good barometer to what personal traits and habits one possesses as well as a gauge of character! And MOST men do NOT like a nasty unkempt woman! Love or NO LOVE! And don’t think your perfect accident causing head turning “everyone in the street checks out my booty” backside is enough to make him overlook that repulsive trait because it wears quite thin REAL FAST!

See, many women have the capability to get ANY MAN THEY WANT for a time! But the REAL trick is…..

…….can they hold on to him and KEEP him happy?


These days, the novelty of being in a “new” situation wears off very fast! So stay on point!

The point that I am trying to make here is don’t think that nothing is required of you while you “wait” on your shining Prince to appear in your life. You must continually cultivate good habits and hone yourself on ALL levels mentally/physically and spiritually so that you can be appealing to a man on more levels than mere passing lust! Now this prior statement goes for BOTH sexes as I am not letting the men off the hook…………………




Come on now, you didn’t think you all were getting off the hook now did you?


We have TOO MANY issues ourselves to “laugh” at the women in the world out here who actually have a tougher time navigating in the world than us yet seem to be finding their way through it all!


So what’s our excuse?


We say that some women want a PERFECT man and will never find it, that’s why they are afraid to commit!


Well I say wouldn’t you be afraid to commit too if all you meet out here in the world are irresponsible individuals who never held down a job longer than the 90 day probationary period and whose bank account is always in the negative?


I just KNOW you are tired of hearing this fellas but she can DO BAD ALL BY HERSELF?


As a matter of fact, I personally know MANY women here online and face to face in person who are troopers and are in the trenches of everyday life, working two and THREE JOBS, brown baggin’ it to work everyday to save that lunch money, getting up extra early to get the kids ready for day care and school, helping those SAME kids with their homework (and they GET high marks too!) after she gets home tired and hungry………..

And here you come, with your “financially exhausted overdraft protection thirty five dollar fee payin’ ’cause you never have enough in the account & always bouncin’ checks A-S-S”…….

…….Got nothing to offer her in these trying times except a big appetite for food, a constantly annoying craving for sex and an unearned need for sleep yet are CLUELESS as to why she is afraid to commit?

I can truly see why after she puts the kids to sleep why its more mentally and emotionally economical to read that hot steamy Zane book for a few minutes then recruit the” always ready to please” (and never has “stank” breath, complains, farts, or finishes TOO FAST) services of her battery operated boyfriend (That’s my way of saying “Dildo”, for all of you who don’t know what I meant by that term! Dang! You all just HAD to make me say it!) before happily rolling over to the most delicious and well deserved slumber until she has to wake up and start the grueling process all over again!


And that’s if one of the kids are NOT sick and have to be in the emergency room all night! So if you see a sister looking a little out of it please understand, she might have this little quality that you might not grasp the full understanding of completely in this hedonistic phase of your narrow little world called RESPONSIBILITY!


So understand the multitude of legitimate reasons why many of our women are AFRAID TO COMMIT!




That being said, it is quite obvious that no matter HOW hard we try to cover up our own personal MESS with the latest outfit, hairstyle or smooth slick talking pick up lines that we as a people overall have a LOT of work to do on ourselves below the surface on the inner being that is very undetectable to the human eye.


No one is perfect and if we really “waited” to be ready for our divine mate then the time would NEVER arrive! So the best thing to do is to humble ourselves in the eyes of our Creator and stop trying to fool the very people who might forever walk alongside us that cross our paths with these very childish, tired and transparent “dating” games!


If you feel that someone has the great potential to mesh with you in a very special way, communicate this with them without fear, let them know how special they are to you and boldly inquire to them if they are ready to let you know how they feel about you. Just be on the up and up and be prepared for what their answer may be. It may be great news or it might be something that you just don’t want to hear.


No pressure.


No games.


This long life is a journey and a very mysterious journey at that, so do know that your genuine approach in communicating how you stand is a very refreshing trait in this deceitful world that we happen to live in.


But what is required is for us to be real with ourselves and to be brutally honest with that romantically flavored potential life mate when it comes time to reveal our known dirty laundry, quirks and not so pretty habits.


If we find someone who can accept us for who we are along with those imperfect shortcomings that we are willing to work on and improve, as well as your willingness to accept theirs and support them in their quest for self improvement, then I would think that you have a great shot at cultivating a mutually beneficial union that will stand the test of time as long as it is built on the mighty foundation of our Creators principles!


The willingness to improve and the willingness to support each other FAIRLY is the key! Do bring anyone into YOUR mess and expect THEM to clean it up FOR YOU! You must be involved in the process of making your life better ALREADY in order for someone to see your great potential. If you have been in the same negative and neglected mess for years how will someone feel when you are trying to “woo” them into your life?

They will RUN!


This works both ways……..


So if you have this intimate communication and understanding you will find that there is no BETTER feeling in the whole wide world to know that you are loved and accepted for who you ARE instead of the very gimmicks that you used to “catch” this persons eye. The sad part about keeping someone with a gimmick is that you will always be under pressure to continue your false charade and also live under the constant pressure of the next person trying to “out gimmick” YOU in order to TAKE you mate!

So be real!


No one can be you but you!


So communicate, be yourself, be honest and maybe you will find some who will help you wash that pile of clothes on the bedroom floor just as well as you might find someone who can help you understand how to balance your budget and never go into overdraft! Lol!

One thing is for sure, when you find that willing to improve “imperfectly perfect” mate, that battery operated boyfriend will get boring REAL fast and get its much needed rest to collect some dust on it because a “B.O.B.” just can’t hold you close nice a warm all night long and let you know by whispering into your ear that everything is going to be alright no matter what and pledge their love, support and commitment forever more……..


If we ALL had hope and truly knew how to submit to the divine process of righteous courtship, there would NEVER within us EVER be a fear to commit!

Contact lance Scurvin At [email protected]

Call Or text Lance Direct: 407-590-0755

Add Lance On Scurvin

About The Author


Related posts

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of

1 Comment
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
May 18, 2010 7:43 PM

As always you are right on time with your well chosen words.Keep kicking out the knowledge that God has given you. Stay positive and forget about the negative that people are trying to push your way. Stay blessed my friend.

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x