The argument can be made that we are born with certain personality traits as opposed to the environment that we live in being the chief factor in what we eventually manifest into.
One things for sure, the effect one’s upbringing had on their subconscious mind WILL follow an individual for the rest of their entire life! This can be a good thing or it can be a bad thing, but I find it interesting that usually without the act of divine intervention, upsetting the passing of the generationally blessed or cursed baton, the fruit usually doesn’t fall too far from the tree.
Your background or pedigree can be a thing that constantly haunts you from shame/regrets or can be a proud source of the residual loving support and motivation that you received as a child when the challenges/tribulations of life find themselves knocking at your door.
Childhood memories, good AND bad influence our thoughts and decisions everyday whether we acknowledge this fact or not.
I remember growing up while in elementary school there was a wonderful poster on the wall that described how a child learns to deal with the many issues he/she will encounter in life. The format pretty much said: “If a child was raised to _____, then he/she learns to _____. “
I don’t remember everything it said but I am quite sure many of you reading this blog post may recall this same beautifully written but” oh so true” masterpiece. If any of you might know how I could find one, please let me know as soon as humanly possible thank you!
But this was so well written that it broke down what traits a child would possess from what he/she learned in their upbringing to an exact science! As a child myself I was a bit advanced in my understanding of things and found this to be so fascinating to ponder on a constant basis!
Now let’s get deep…………..
Why is it that some children of an affluent background can fail so miserably when they have inherited all of the factors in place to insure BIG TIME success when across town in the netherworld of that often maligned place called the ‘hood you will find a child with every reason in place that would make you understand if he did give up hope, but somehow found a way to excel and exceed beyond the wildest expectations of all. You will find this to be the case and all of the other possible scenarios in between and contained in this broad mysterious spectrum called life.
What makes a great childhood? So many parents make the mistake of replacing the precious and necessary time that should be spent with their children with an excess of material items that in hindsight have done absolutely nothing for the crucial character development of that child.
Granted, in this poor “barely breathing” economy, most two parent households can barely make it without working an extra job or doing a little overtime. So could you imagine what an intimidating obstacle course it must be for a single parent home that is usually run by a strong woman who had NO choice but to be the mother AND the father to her children simultaneously?
I know so many adults who have grown up below the poverty line look back on their childhood with with an extreme relish and joy regardless of the lack of funds, they reminisced in a teary eyed fashion because of the abundance and outpouring of love that permeated their every precious moment growing up! This stabilized their sense of judgment and outlook later on in life because they possess a wealth of healthy wholesome memories from which to draw from.
Mothers, please be careful what example you set for your children, now don’t think that I am putting all of the weight on you because I didn’t mention the Father, but most times it is you who everything must come through in that home and if you don’t allow it, it AIN’T happening! So be leery of whom and what you allow around them, because those babies are taking notes and internalizing the rhythms that THEY will execute effortlessly as they move into adulthood. They know NOTHING else other than what you SHOW them!
Nine times out of ten, when you see a mother tolerate getting beat time and time again in an abusive relationship, when those children had to grow up witnessing this behavior, they usually accept it as normal even when their intellectual mind tells them it is wrong, they will duplicate the action in THEIR own relationships when they are adults. We always seem to FIND what we were used to growing up with in a mate.
If our Daddy was a chronically violent alcoholic, guess what? That behavior is what we knew in our first example of manhood so therefore if we do not duplicate the behavior we will tolerate it and almost derive a twisted sick pleasure FROM it! All because it brings us back to the good (Actually bad!) old days of growing up with this in our midst!
“If” you grew up watching your mother (And I say this in a humble tone and not in a manner to hurt or put down, but we are being real here) go through dysfunctional relationship after dysfunctional relationship, being used for the pleasures that her body could give a man without holding herself up to a higher standard and demanding that she be treated like the Queen that she never realized that she was, guess what? You as her daughter will grow up to struggle with the same esteem issues and allow a man to use you as he wishes without any hint of commitment because you may feel that you have nothing of worth to offer that man to make him stay around other than the quick pleasure your various orifices can bring to him! But just wait and see how long THAT will last, you really won’t have to wait TOO long! But who can blame you if this be the case? If you never had a righteous example of divine and dignified womanhood put in front of you from birth, can you completely be at fault?
Many of the young men who grew up in these same circumstances with mothers who have low self esteem have grown to be a disrespector of women in their very communities. They see you walking down the street with your gorgeous self and give you a compliment to get your attention or aggressively attempt to get you to rap with them, but as soon as you are too busy to give in to their immediate need for a conversation that you have quickly detected was only for ANOTHER type of motivation, you become a BITCH! And if you possess any less than “perfect magazine cover level high fashion model air brushed photo shopped features” about you, then they will immediately point them out to the world and say: “You ain’t all that anyway!”
……………..but only mere moments before they were trying to sweet talk you out of your “Victoria’s Secret’s!”
Our children come into this world as empty vessels, a clean slate, fresh and moldable, pliable, reacting to this new world around them. Forming opinions and learning reactions, it’s up to US as adults to provide the RIGHT atmosphere that will support positive growth and healthy development because if we don’t do OUR jobs as we should then we will eventually and inevitably get that “three o’clock in the morning” phone call and have to hit the ATM (If we even HAVE it in these rough financial times!) for that bail money to get your child out from lock down because these days, that man AIN’T playing with your dumb Black behind and he has a jail cell waiting for ALL of us if we do not know how to act in a civil manner!
So as the debate rages on about the origins of our strange behaviors, whether it is learned from our environment or something deep inside of us that we are born with, the one thing we CAN agree with is that God made us in His image and we are NOT put here on this beautiful earth to act as though we are a mere step above that of a wild beast! And That is NOT what little girls and little boys are made of when they are truly taught that they are to reflect the divine and righteous majesty of the image of God!
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