What You MUST Do To Prevent Your Heart From Going Into Emotional Foreclosure!

In this world you will have tough days and then…….

………you have some TOUGH DAYS!!!!!

I love this life with all of my heart and pretty much have my own personal system of dealing with the uncomfortable and unanticipated things that life can throw my way but even then, some things just don’t play by the rules and SOME things will find a way to seemingly get up under your skin in the worst way no matter WHAT you do!

Ain’t I tellin’ the truth?

Think not? Well then try living life a little bit and you will definitely understand what I am talking about.

And for those of you who understand what I meant when I said that, pat yourself on the shoulder for still being able to stand on your own two feet because if you are reading this then that means that you have an internet connection as well as a device that can get ON the internet which again means that your must have some type of disposable income to use for your personal desires.

Pat yourself on the shoulder again and give your deepest thanks to your Creator.


Well, because many people out here are not as fortunate and don’t have a nickel to rub together to pay their mortgage as the authorities remove their furniture from their former home and lock it down after removing the entire contents to the curb!

Imagine the emotions that one must endure when going through such a humiliating experience.

The sense of failure, the sense of shame and embarrassment, the feeling of being consumed with having life’s rug pulled from under your feet while others who are more fortunate ask the stupidest questions with the dumbest expressions on their faces at a time when it is imperative that they should be more sensitive to one’s condition and emotions at such an intense time of major crisis.

“How could this have happened to you? You have a good job!”

“You shouldn’t have bought that car two years ago, that’s when all of your problems started with you financially!”

“What are you going to do now? Where are you going to go?”

People can ask the most amazing things! I truly believe many people love to hear about the downfall of others as though it makes them more secure in their situation. They will come alive and find themselves around you more if they detect the slightest bit of something going wrong in your life whether it be on an emotional level, mental or financial.

They never really come around when things were doing good, and if they did, they secretly had their fingers crossed for your downfall as well as being VERY uncomfortable at the fact that things are going well for you.

Why am I talking like this today? No, I am not in a bad mood or going through anything that I can’t presently handle, but I do want to share with you my personal outlook on life when things seem to be getting a little tougher than anticipated.

And while a financial crisis is more obvious over time and cannot be hidden away even as the threats of a foreclosure looms over the Colgate smiles of those who answer that “everything is alright” to those who nosily inquire as the mailman steps past you to hand you yet ANOTHER default notice that hammers home the inevitable that cannot be postponed any longer!

But what of the emotional issues one may possess?

Do you walk around sulking and thinking that love has foreclosed its account with you?

Ladies, let me share something with you, if you do NOT have a man in your life at this time, it not only is NOT the end of the world, but, it may be a blessing in disguise and a place that, if you knew what was out here, would make you absolutely REJOICE for the peace of mind in certain areas in your life that you JUST might be taking for granted!

I know I know…….

You are saying to yourself that you heard all of this before but let me tell you it get a LOT deeper than that!

Its these times when you are out of a relationship that you are to CLEAN UP your emotional credit!

Sounds like I am losing my mind right?


Look, if you have NO man to fuss and fight with, exempt from the negative aspects of a committed relationship (As in finding out that YOU are the only one committed, which upon discovery will lead you into a mindset that will end up having YOU committed to a mental institution if you are not cautious!), and free from being trapped off into something that you jumped into haphazardly after a few short weeks of manic euphoria, CONSIDER YOURSELF BLESSED!


Because now you can truly work on improving your emotional credit profile which would make your assets (I wasn’t trying to be funny by using the word ASSets, but it WAS kind of slick to say! LOL!) more attractive to the many emotional “investors” out here. Emotional investors meaning that there are individuals out here that will notice your high personal esteem rating, passion for life, love of self and would LOVE to be in a long term lifetime commitment with you as long as it doesn’t seem to be too high a risk!

What are the risks from their point of view?


Now I do NOT mean children, as many low minded men use this term in a derogatory way when referring to women who have children from prior relationship, Scurv doesn’t get down like that so please don’t take my words the wrong way.

The baggage I speak of is the emotional baggage that we carry through life without releasing it yet we bring the stench of the past into the present and it ruins any chance of developing a new relationship and usually kills it in no time flat.

You will never enjoy the beauty and gift of the present without cleaning away the issues of the past……..

This is one of the things I want you to truly ponder in your life as I am trying to help you see that there is ALWAYS a slight residue of the past in are psyche unless the power of our Creator is asked to step in and cleanse it all away. But we have to identify it to be able to know what to ask for! I will admit that I too, have residue that must be continually cleansed from my being and do know that it is a lifetime undertaking of emotional maintenance.

But with no man in your life to deal with at this time you can truly develop yourself into more of a “catch” than you already are. It’s just like preparing yourself for buying a house or any type of major purchase, if you are just able to qualify for a small starter home now, maybe in two years time you can qualify for that 5 bedroom home with the three car garage (At the SAME cost of the starter home because of a lower interest rate!) that seems to be merely a foolish fantasy at the present time.

One thing is for certain, we ALL can make improvements to our inner selves.

It doesn’t mean that one is flawed, it just means that we are acknowledging that we will be better people if we undertake and indulge ourselves in a bit more healing from the things that we have had to endure in this obstacle course of a life.

And I must say that while I got into the slick sounding wordplay in the earlier paragraphs let me tell you this……

Your quest for healing, inner peace and self improvement should NOT be merely to attract a “better” mate, it should be for yourself and yourself ONLY with the better mate benefits merely being a by product of you showing yourself some first class love.

Yes, I said show YOURSELF some love…….

And it shouldn’t be merely “some” love…….

At this point you should pull out all of the stops in your life and love YOU like you have never loved another!

Why is this? Well let me tell you, that “thing” that you have been craving from another has ALWAYS been dwelling silently and very much dormant from within just waiting to come out but you were so hung up on this one and that one that you just never knew it was there!

You see, NO one will love YOU like YOU (We are talking about an earthly love here, because you can’t EVER top God’s love for you, understood?), NO one will spend every second in every minute in every hour in every day like you will with yourself so why are you claiming to be so lonely? YOU HAVE a friend in YOU! You will never hurt you as long as you are in the right state of mind from the beginning, and by keeping yourself IN love with yourself, no other person could ever infiltrate your mind to manipulate you into thinking that you cannot live without them! Got me?

So do me a favor at your earliest convenience and take an evening, an afternoon OR a morning if not an entire day to spend time with YOURSELF! And DO NOT announce it to ANYONE before you do this, a million and one requests for your time as well as well timed “emergencies” will manifest uncannily at the last minute to take you out of your groove!

Now, everyone can benefit from this mental outlook that I utilize EVERYDAY. It doesn’t always have to be about a man in your life, this can be used for those hard working Mothers out here who are not appreciated as they should be. Take a day for yourself and let the chips fall where they may! Stop catering to everyone at the expense of your own personal piece of mind! Drop it. Stop it. RIGHT NOW!

Mothers, if you have young children then make sure an trustworthy adult is there to oversee their safety. Don’t just enthusiastically walk out of the door for some “me time”, because when you return to see the police waiting for you, you will definitely have PLENTY of “me time” more so than you anticipated for leaving your children unattended, and that is not what we are shooting for here……..

Discover yourself and find out what it is that YOU want to do, find out the foods that YOU want to eat, walk down a street that you never walked down before. Leave and wander through quiet streets of an affluent neighborhood or the shopping areas of another close by city not necessarily to spend money (Because the spending of money is not mandatory for the peace of mind and self alignment that we seek here), but to “pick up” on the positive energy that may rub off on you from being around a different type of person but be careful, as many negative based shysters and con men will pick up on your budding tranquility and attempt to snatch it away as quickly as you rekindled it!

Start a conversation with an elderly stranger, do something for them just because. Pay the tab for their lunch. Find someone who is homeless and purchase them a new pair of warm Timberland’s (Boots). Volunteer some time to mentor a young teenager who may be going through a potentially dangerous rebellious period that might be undetected by their caretaker. You see, when you sincerely execute a gesture of kindness without any chance of being able to receive it back then you open the door to the goodness of the universe to unexpectedly grant you a well timed act of kindness that may be something in the near future that gets you out of a jam. My close buddy named Troy calls these little gestures “karma points!” I like that term and told him that I was definitely going to use it in my next blog! LOL!

Another mention of goodness that I have personally witnessed was from a coworker and friend of mine named Phyllis, she has a legal inside connection to getting some very high quality but inexpensive reading glasses and corrective lenses, she one day offered to pay for an entire class of children in a local school to order them glasses if they needed it. I believe she received many Karma points for this!

And let me also say this to those who are Christians out here, I do understand that we, according to the Bible, are to get into Heaven if we are saved and by God’s grace only, but DAMN, can’t we too go out into the world and do a kind gesture from our hearts without someone saying that we are doing it to only with the motivation of trying to get into Heaven? I mean, can’t we just be kind to our fellow man, woman, child and animal co-residents of the planet earth just because we are loving individuals without a secret agenda?

Whew! I got that off of my chest! Now let me get back to the point……

The point is to take yourself out of the smothering perception of your narrowing reality. No, I am not putting down your life, existence or world, but we ALL need to recalibrate our understanding of how vast this world truly is. As far as I am concerned, many people take vacations for this same effect and end up spending so much more money than they ever anticipated for a very expensive memory. Now I am not suggesting that one never go away to enjoy the beautiful numerous terrains on God’s green Earth but what I am trying to get you to do is to have a better “fit” in the day to day reality that most of us have to deal with 90% of the time.

I see so many individuals walk around the majority of their time “waiting” on that far away two week vacation when in reality their everyday lives can be transformed into a joyous celebration of life and a daily vacation as they go about the routine chores of the day! Isn’t that a wonderful thought? Well, it’s MORE than just a mere thought, it is the blueprint for a NEW reality if you would only open your mind to the possibilities!

The sad part about it is that when most return from that glorious vacation the same old issues are waiting at home for them to drain them of whatever little joy, rejuvenation and distraction that they gained from leaving for the short time that they did!

You do not need a man to experience complete joy when you are always in the mindset of loving yourself, a good man should be a welcome addition to an otherwise happy reality.

You do not need an expensive vacation to feel bliss, a trip out of town or to another country is best absorbed when you know that you have a happy life waiting for you back home with absolutely no neglected issues waiting to bog you down.

You do not need lots of money to feel empowered, just the mere act of sharing your time, talents and abilities and maybe a little money that wouldn’t break your bank but would mean so much to one who has little or nothing would do the trick!

To practice these few simple exercises everyday just a little will keep your heart calibrated to enjoy those precious little joys in life, keep you centered on that person who is GUARANTEED to spend the rest of your live with you (YOU!) happy and contented and to make you a VERY attractive prospect to all who will now become intrigued by that ever present super glowing smile that has become a permanent fixture on your beautiful face because you carry with you an inner peace that not only has transformed your life, but all those who cross your path………..

Just remember, if God resides from within then for you to love yourself is to love God.

How can one not love themselves and claim to love the God that has created them so beautifully?

It’s something to think about…….

Just my two cents…….

Let me know what you think……

Lance Scurvin

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Ena Griffin
Ena Griffin
July 30, 2011 6:28 AM

You spokke from truth and it was refreshing to hear it from a man. Most people don't allow that grieving time after a failed relationship and most importantly, that time of self accountability. At some point, WE all have contributed to its demise, even if it was giving too much of ourselves, or losing our own individuality and making our whole lives about that other person. So yes, you hit it on the head. Find yourself again! Think about what you want out of not just a relationship but life, career, health, living situation and everything needed to make YOU complete so when that person comes, you don't need to be 'completed' and a healthy friendship/relationship can be formed.

Kudos Lance……..

April 13, 2010 8:35 PM

Loved this blog. I need to spend more time and rediscover who I really am.Thanks for the reminder.

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