My heart surely goes out to the women today who are in NEED of a good man. Yes, I said in need! Now before you start jumping all over me to say how you don’t NEED a man to make it, just hear me out!
Actually, I will agree when you say that you don’t need a man to merely “make it.” But that’s all you will be doing is merely “making it” without one. And let me clarify that before you run down your vast and impressive laundry list of accomplishments that you have achieved without a man by your side that you can gain the world through your hard work, focus, discipline and ability to sacrifice all by yourself but there could NOT be that SAME sense of satisfaction that comes when you have a dedicated, committed and FAITHFUL GOOD MAN by your side and in your life 24/7!
Now depending on your background, set of experiences and state of mind you will take these statements differently.
Now if many of you got a little upset at my statement I can understand why, because unfortunately many of my Sisters out here never really ever had a good man in their lives. And trust me, I am not speaking out of some type of chauvinistic malice, because all of you who are are part of the Scurv family know me better than that and know that I love ALL of my beautiful Sisters UNCONDITIONALLY! If you don’t know me then just ASK somebody who does. But this is family talk and many of my Sisters here online have asked me to address these issues and I promised that I will as only I can. Straight, direct and from the hip!
So it must be said that I APPLAUD each and every one of you who have achieved what you have WITHOUT a man and DESPITE not having one for those who don’t have. I must also say that I don’t believe a woman must DEFINE herself by her status of having a man or not, why have a no good man JUST to say that you HAVE a man? That doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s better to be able to sleep at night and have peace of mind when you come home than having your Facebook status as “In A Relationship” or “Married” and you are really in a miserable life just grinning and bearing it like a pretty pair of nice looking pumps that are two sizes too small!
I think you get the point so let’s move on…….
Just because a dog that lives out in the wild learns to walk well on a leg that was broken earlier and healed up improperly doesn’t mean that his stride is at it’s best the way it would be if it weren’t broken at all.
He makes due with the way it healed up and in most cases quite well after a while with the limp that he first had diminishing over time
down to almost undetectable levels to the naked eye.
But it doesn’t mean that he is 100% even though it is commendable how he has worked with what he had and overcome the obstacle.
Why did I just use this example? Am I calling women dogs? NO! I would never say that and maybe my example wasn’t the best but what it means is that many of my Sisters hearts have been broken, expectations smashed, lives disappointed and check accounts drained. Why? All because of a man who was deceptive, cunning, coy, insincere and KNEW deep down that he didn’t mean what he said when he lied to you to say that he wanted a committed relationship!
I must also say to everyone here male and female that ALL men are not bad men. I know PLENTY of GOOD MEN out here and what I am writing about goes both ways, it’s just that I am writing about the good women with no good men right now. I will soon be writing about the flip side of things but that will be another time.
But the question remains, where are the good men? Women who have one don’t have to concern themselves with this anymore but for the Sisters who have given up I still feel that they would welcome a good man in their lives if he were real. But how can you tell if a man is sincere or not?
Put his word to the test and put HIM through the test! If he is the real thing then he wouldn’t mind being completely transparent in ALL of his dealings with you and the world. Nothing is to be hidden! Isn’t your love worth it? Sure it is! What I am about to say might get up under someones skin but I am going to say it anyway. Listen. Honestly. When you look back on your life and really look into the relationships that went sour, there is always a point in your meditation where you realize WHEN things may have taken a turning point. You might not have realized it when it was staring you in the face but in hindsight you can understand it a little better.
In many of these instances the painful realization is that you could have done something maybe a little more to have altered the outcome. Altered? Yes, I don’t mean that you could have saved the relationship because it may be where you caught him cheating and you wanted him OUT! But if you were on point you might have picked up on things a little faster and gotten rid of him faster and rid yourself of the headache even faster!
That being said, the reason why you may be bitter and are determined to do everything by yourself is because you were hurt and you made up your mind to go at life’s achievements all alone. I am for that 100% as long as you do NOT get involved with a waste of a time man in the meantime and that ALSO includes those “tide me over” booty calls the you have been utilizing with that so called understanding male to release the stress. Why do I say that one should avoid this type of arrangement if there is a mature understanding between the both of you? Because you will NOT achieve total detoxification of your mind, body and soul if you are involved in ANY fashion sexually with a man. Sex will bind you to this person whether you want to admit it or not. You keep messing with someone no matter what and you will get attached. If this is not a fully committed relationship then you are cheating yourself in the long run no matter how you slice it!
Tell me, how are you going to be prepared for the God given mate that was created JUST FOR YOU when you are dealing with another entity because of the excess moisture between your thighs? It isn’t fair to that soul mate and it isn’t fair to you! Think you can get away with it? You can’t! You have to be a clean slate! And the only way to become this is to take one self OUT of the whole entire lust game and go deep into your spirituality, if the need gets too strong then MASTURBATE if you have to but do NOT create any soul ties with anyone else. It may be hard at first but in the end when you come together (Yes, and CUM together too! You know what that spelling means! LOL!) it will be nothing short of magnificent! But by creeping with another person (With their known and unknown energies) proactively you are robbing the future joys that were designated to you!
WOW! As usual, I went WAY off of my point but I feel it was a necessary truth that needed to be shared nonetheless.
But the bottom line is ladies that if you had a good man that stuck behind you over and above to the point where you KNEW he was the real thing then your life would be THAT much sweeter with someone to share it with. It’s the way you were made by the Divine, that’s the reason why so many are unfulfilled and bitter (This goes for both men and women) because the manner in which you were made is not living up to it’s fullest potential. we are all social creatures and yearn to be around others but this dysfunctional world has made it literally impossible to desire this because our need to reach out to others on all levels has become a constant source of pain over and over again. So we just say to ourselves that we don’t need anyone or want anyone around us when in fact we do but are just too afraid to try again!
While I am too lazy too go and research the numbers let me say this; look at how many successful Black women there are that have gotten their degrees, raised their children, purchased their OWN properties yet are still alone by choice. Many of them will tell you at THAT junction point of their lives that they would LOVE to have their OWN man even if he was not making the same amount of money that she does with her career it is not about that at that point…….and I am talking about those who are over 40, 50 and beyond! Even when they do not admit it they will catch themselves yearning for a good man because they also yearn to be treating like a Lady after pushing, sacrificing and going to battle in those tough corporate settings for far too long!
While she can do it all on her own really why should she?
But many of my younger Sisters with fresher wounds might not understand how the passage of time can alter one’s perspective on such things. But even if you are under 30ish you have to know that even now you do not view the world in the same manner as you did when you were 18 years old. Well take that same trajectory and factor it in to the 50 year old version of you! You can’t even comprehend how differently you will see your world and how different your desires will be. Trust me, it’s a totally different ballgame indeed!
I do hope that you understand where I am coming from and if you don’t then please contact me so I can clarify myself. I do not want to lose the respect that I have worked so hard to earn out here in cyberspace.
Tell me what you think. Is it better to stay alone because of the BAD men out here or would it be nice to do it together with a GOOD man if you found him? Leave your comments in the comment box below!
I agree 100%. Every woman needs a good man, however as you say some have been hurt and bamboozled to the point where they rather go at it alone. Most of our men haven’t had father’s in their lives to teach them how to become good men and treat their women with respect, not saying that mothers haven’t done a good job but to see a man walk in that light before his son is more transparent. Society has also made it hard for our black men to become good father’s & husbands by imprisoning them and discriminating against them in the work force!
Having a man who is unable to provide for his family presents a problem in itself because he can never be satisfied by not being able to contribute to his household. Imagine the pressure that puts on a man in addition to his woman griping about not being able to make ends meet. In some cases that forces him to go out and do something illegal such as drugs to provide for his family.
Every male and female needs a help meet but our men also need to stop thinking about getting a piece of tail and making babies every where and settle down with one woman to raise a family. How can you take care of more than one household? At the same time women need to open their callous hearts and realize that not all men are the same and the good ones end up missing out because of the mistakes of the bad ones. Women need to start doing their homework before jumping in bed with any Ole Tom, Dick, and Harry and have a courtship rather than a sexship. Get to know the man before you lay down with him!
Great article. I'm guilty of it, the whole "I can do better all by myself" facade. Especially being a single mother my trust and willingness to try again is little to non existent. But I can't lie to myself and say I do not want a relationship and life partner because I do. I will keep this in consideration and try.
Thanks