Just the other day while walking down the street in my neighborhood, I overheard a woman speaking to a man from inside of their home in such a disrespectful manner. She wasn’t using profanity toward him or anything but the condescending tone of voice that she used as though she were speaking to a young brat was amazing!
Now I don’t exactly know these people personally but I do know who they are because I’ve seen them before working on their yard and have overheard them speak to each other before.
Now I see the both of them get up and go to work everyday. I’ve never seen that man ever LOOK at another woman when I might run across him while in the supermarket or just around and about. He seems to stay to himself and appears to be a low key soft spoken man.
I see his wife also occasionally and can’t say anything bad about her either but I do know that things are not always as they appear in public once one gets behind closed doors but THIS took the cake!
Again, she wasn’t cursing at him but she might as well have, because the way she demanded to know of his every intention that from I gather he stated ahead of time as he tried to proactively answer her inquiries but couldn’t be heard as her words came at him in a rapid fire succession. She demanded what he used the six dollars for off of their joint business bank account and grilled him about why it took an extra twelve minutes to get home from work the other day over his normal time of arrival.
Her trivial inquiries went on seemingly forever as I admit that I stopped in my tracks to hear more because I just knew after a few moments of this he would retaliate verbally and go on a rampage of words that would snuff her rant out and put her in her place!
It never happened and to not look like a weirdo standing up in one spot for no reason on this quiet block in my neighborhood, I decided that I heard all that there was to hear and that it was time to move on.
I never thought anything about it anymore until one night when sitting out in my backyard just winding down after a hard days work, I heard this same neighbor of mine talking to himself while sitting on a chair at the side of his house. It was very quiet this evening and the sound carried very well but to most his words would have been inaudible but my hearing is above average and I could pick up most of what he was saying.
When I focused in one what he was sporadically mumbling to himself on this beautiful and slightly humid Florida night, I realized that the man was crying! By the rhythm of his emotionally charged utterances I could tell that he wasn’t speaking to anyone on a cell phone conversation. WOW! This poor guy was really feeling down!
It made me think to myself that we really do not know WHAT people are going through when you see them on the streets. Most of us are hurting inside for some reason and have tried to keep it under wraps because we for some reason don’t want others to know about it and also possibly because we are in denial of the circumstances surrounding that pain and feel that it is too much of a mountain to handle.
So many choose to ignore it and others react to it in many ways, some turn to some obviously destructive vices and others live in a manner that is hopeless merely existing in a life that produces nothing compared to the potential of greatness that God place placed so abundantly inside each and every one of use.
What a waste of a life. Do I think it is HIS fault? No, but if I felt otherwise I really couldn’t judge this situation because I don’t know all of the factors involved, but from what I have seen thus far I would have to say that it is the situation/marriage that he is living in. From my standpoint his personal situation is literally TOXIC!
But as I really felt bad for this seemingly good man, I had to wonder why some woman brow beat their good men like this and what really do they hope to gain from
There are some women out here in the world who would LOVE to have a good clean, articulate, motivated hard working man of their own who is a quality man that is committed to the marriage and faithful beyond all measure!
But it seems as though the women that actually DO have the good guys just don’t know what to do with them when they get them…….and the question in my mind that keeps popping up is that what was it that she did to get him in the first place after all? Because it damn sure wasn’t the nagging condescending treatment that I heard her levy on him as though he was her child!
Now I have to say that there are some really good men out here with wives that treat them very well, so please don’t take my focus into this particular situation to mean that I believe that there are no good women out here who know how to treat a good man. That is far from the truth. But I am saying that these women who beat down their men at every turn a far to common than need be and it really shows me that they haven’t a clue as to what a really good man needs for him to WANT to stay around for life!
Some misguided women feel that all it takes to attract and keep a man is some good old fashioned freakish sex. Give it to him all he wants until you have him where you want him and you will benefit for a lifetime because he will be seeking that feeling from you like a trained little puppy who has been blinded by the lust and sensations that he now believes only you can give.
Others feel that their so called beauty is enough to keep a man as though their youthful visage will not fade over time as the melted facade shows who you truly are after it dissipates.
Other women may feel that it is their status that will keep a man in her life forever, maybe she’s a woman of great societal achievements and feel that “he better be glad to even BE with a woman like myself because something like this most men would die
As far as the huge slice of variety that there are in woman in this world one needs to understand that there are just as much categories and fields of endeavors that these females can feel cocky and superior about as they brow beat their men.
And while many men will fall for that illusion you have to realize as a woman that in many cases the one thing that most men want and need that will keep them there forever no matter what is none of the above! Sure, being physically beautiful is nice or having a nice big home that you purchased all on your own can be quite a reflection of your inner character traits to achieve but NONE OF THAT will keep him and let me tell you why…….
The one thing that ALL men NEED in this world in a relationship to STAY in that union and THRIVE emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually comes down to one word:
Nothing more than that!
So you may find it unbelievable that this is all that is required to keep that man once you got him? I understand how you feel Sister, because if you were at one time caught up in the game of following the crowd to spend so much money at the Beauty & Hair Parlor, running up in Victoria’s Secret every weekend or keeping your body fit and near perfection to keep him whipped beyond all measure then you have GOT to know by now that there must be something more to it after possibly having many relationships perish or observing the relationship madness through the personal tragedies and dramas of your friends.
But don’t get me wrong! All of those things are good and can enhance a union between the sexes but it will NEVER be effective to ANY degree if you just don’t know how to treat your man with respect because he will leave you sometimes sooner and sometimes later and you will understand that all you have done has meant absolutely nothing without that very crucial variable that is so easy to execute.
Respect. Plain and simple.
What many women have got to understand is that most good Black men don’t receive the respect that they deserve out here in the world on a daily basis and do not need to be disrespected anymore upon their arrival to a home that is very swiftly becoming only a house where one happens to merely lay their head at night.
This is not the same song and dance that most shout out when they want to cry victim in a racist society. A good Black man can literally go years in his life without experiencing an all out certified undisputed racist event that is undeniable and without doubt.
Sure they can.
You know why? It’s because those that are racist have become so talented at cloaking their true feelings but that does not mean that we don’t feel this negative and very toxic energy around us and know that all courtesies extended in this type of atmosphere are overwhelmingly strained because of the pressure to be politically correct.
So even though a day in the life of a good Black man may not be riddled with the same potentially threatening events that maybe a Harriet Tubman led runaway slave may have, the daily tensions of existing in this type of atmosphere with the subtle incidents of disrespect has the potential to drain a man until he is a shell of his former self. So to come home to a loving atmosphere means so much to a man but when he is getting torn down even more the results can be unpredictable and sometimes tragic.
So this in fact why many Black men blow their top at home when their woman disrespects them because they usually are sick and tired from being the outcast on their jobs and in society all day!
Ladies! Let me tell you, after dealing with a twisted world that doesn’t favor us merely because of the color of our darker skin, it feels so good to come home to a loving woman. Even if you are not always in the best mood because YOU go through things too, at least try to communicate your frustrations together to build that sense of camaraderie between the both of you. Your man wants to feel not only respect, but intimacy, connectedness and a sense of belonging can mean so much to a man and actually be the very things that hold on to him more than a mere weave, makeup and a sexy outfit!
Look now! If you take a man and show him respect and demand that same respect of yourself, he will submit to you as you should submit to him. In a world that constantly assumes that your man is the lowest of the low, the most ignorant and not about anything, your act of submission to him will only cause him to easily manifest loyal Superman who will always do your bidding all because you showed him true honor when no one else would.
That feels better than the best blowjob, it tastes better than the best steak dinner and it damn sure beats drinking and smoking your life away out of a frustration that comes from his emotional soil not being watered with the necessary moisture of love that is sure to bring out the best in him!
We were created to be might men but we are not the most high. We have feelings and get emotional too. Just because we may appear to be big and strong doesn’t mean that you can just talk to us any old way and think that we are going to function properly with you or even stay with you if you continue to dish out the stress like it’s going out of style.
Learn how to disagree without stepping on his manhood, learn how to be shrewd enough to preserve his manhood whenever you may disagree with him in the public or in the presence of others by holding back, being patient and waiting for the most opportune time to pull him to the side and correct him in way that’s for his ears only. This is how you do it Ladies! PRESERVE AND BUILD YOUR MAN UP! He has so much to face and you do too! Become his bedrock and comfort and allow him to make you his Queen!
No matter what goes on out in the world in a negative light, create your own world of love and bliss to support each other to rise to the heights of your potential as God desired when He placed greatness deep inside of you. Many times the reason that we never make it in our chosen endeavors or in the pursuit of developing our gifts is because we have someone at home to whom we have to fight everyday over the trivial petty things that matter not in the long run. What a shame. Because in an entirely different atmosphere, that man who could have conquered the world has been beat down and reduced to another forgettable face in a long line of cookie cutter underachievers in the sideshow of life.
…….and it all came to be because of the lack of respect that a woman that he loved pounded into his psyche everyday!
Gentleman, take your time and make sure that this woman possesses a righteous character and do not be swayed by the worldly adornments and the carnal pleasures that she might so readily offer to you at the drop of a dime. This in fact is when a red flag should rise and tell you that she is not your Queen because a good woman of standing will not drop her drawers so fast because that is a memory that cannot be deleted out of your mind like a corrupt file downloaded into your computer!
Make the right choice and become the man that you were meant to be, make the wrong choice and end up like my neighbor who has no one to blame but himself as he mumbles inaudibly to himself as the tears of regret roll out of his eyes and down his cheeks.
……there are too many of us out here who walk with a pain in our hearts that could have been avoided if we only took heed to the signs that were screaming at us right up under our noses.
Peace & Righteous Love Always,
Your “Treated Like a King At Home” Brother,